We fight over everything?

Question

Me and my husband are constantly battling each other. Yesterday I washed his work clothes (the way he wanted me to) and then went off at me coz I didnt do it the way he wanted me to, I told him that I did and I didnt understand what he was mad about and he said, oh you dried them wrong.
After that, he had a few drinks and and was getting some mushrooms and I asked him to leave a handful for dinner and he yelled at me and told me that all I ever do is whinge. I asked him when I had and what I had done, and all he would say was f&^% off, he wouldnt tell me. What do i do? this happens every day. I feel like I am walking on eggshells every time I am around him, and it makes me not want to be at home.

Answer 1

OMG, did I just write that question?? I'm sorry you're having to go through this. (I guess I'm not the only one.)

Answer 2

an every day occurance like this is not normal and is very un-healthy for you.

from what you have described and the way you present yourself and your comments to him I'd say that he is using a controll tactic, has something going on that he is very affraid of, or slight chance of a chemical imbalance.

you need to start the conversation regardless of what the problem is in the same way.....using 'I' messages.

"_________ I need to say a few things to you and then I have a question that we need to answer together. Please hear me all the way through. I feel frustrated because it seems to me all we do is fight. I'm concerned about me, you and us. I know that it is possible that you might not know everything that your feeling, and that is ok. However I can't continue fighting like we have. Please _________ will you tell me if something is happening in your life that you have a great deal of fear about? If you feel your not affraid can we make an appointment to have some tests done to make sure your getting the right nutrition / minerals in your diet."

Being direct with "I" messages works well for guys who will be honest with you. He may come out and tell you his fears. Help him by showing support and affirming you will help him.

If it is control, there is nothing you'll be able to do but leave him. It may take some time to indeed identify it as such. A good starting indicator is if he scoffs at your suggestions and continues to be sarcastic about them.

Answer 3

Mary O is on the right track. From what you say you guys don't like each other at all. He is domineering, controlling and abusive with a few other problems as well. He certainly does not want to talk about what really is bothering him and you can't make him.

Consider hours, days, and even weeks when you don't have to walk on egg shells. Great, isn't it? Think of that as you walk out the door and that he can do his own dirty laundry. You deserve better now, not later, now!

Answer 4

Hello not to take sides . As i am not. I do think he has something upseting him . Then he is taking them out on you. If He only yells then you can't talk them out. It may be difficult to find out what exactly is upsetting him. Sometimes guys would rather not talk about it. As
they are thinking about those things enough. maybe staying out of his way. maybe give him some time or maybe being nicer may work.

Likly though maybe you need some space from each other to think about it. It may do you both some good. Time apart makes the heart grow fonder they say. I think it will help both of you to ask why are we together . Then why you stay togehter . if the reasons are good then try try try . If not then maybe find other people .It sounds like he could use some work on his comunication skills .However maybe he does feel you are hounding him about to many things.

Answer 5

Stop walking on egg shells.
If he complains about the way you do laundry - then only do yours and let him do his own. As for the mushroom thing, I doubt dinner would be ruined because you ran out - just try something different.
You need to stick up for yourself but also stop comlaining about everything he does that you can work around. The idea is to pick your battles, so to speak, and not nag at every little thing that comes up.

Answer 6

Get out!! Don't put up with his verbal abuse. While he is @ work pack your things & leave....write him a note stating until he gets counseling or therapy you're not coming back. Hold your ground & don't give in. If he loves you & wants to stay married to you then he will do this. Also, on the other hand he may be having an affair on the side........Be with someone who is going to respect you & treat you like a queen.

Answer 7

You fight constantly but do either of you know what you're really fighting about?? The fighting is just a symptom of something that's gone haywire in the relationship. He may be trying to control you or he may just be unhappy and doesn't have the know-how or courage to discuss it rationally with you. You're his mate and should be able to talk to him about anything. If you're not, you may have to leave him in order to have any peace in your life.

Answer 8

Tell him you have had enough of his abusive behavior and that you want to seperate and see what his reaction is if he says fine pack up and leave because he acts like he isn't willing to work on your problems..

Answer 9

if he's blowing up for no reason (and it sounds like he is), he is either severly stressed or he's seeing someone on the side.
or he might be doing drugs.

those are the only reasons i can think of.

Answer 10

If this is an ongoing thing, gather your things and go home to mom and dad's or a friend's.