My wife teaches at a major university. She received her undergraduate degree from the same university. One of her former professors still teaches at the university. My wife has idolized this woman for 20 years - she looks up to her as a mentor. Today, this woman berated my wife during a meeting, at length. My wife went to the woman's office later to find out what the problem was and the woman refused to talk to her. Other collegues told my wife today that the woman was wrong. My wife is in tears. She is hurt because she has looked up to this woman for so long. What should I say to make my wife feel better? I thik part of the problem is my wife has been voted best faculty member 5 of the past 6 years. This past year she won even though her name was not on the ballot. I think this older woman is jealous of my wife. I want to say something to my wife that will help her.
2007-02-08 07:49:26 · 22 answers · asked by DR_NC 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
just tell her that she is probably just jelous bc your wife is better than her
2007-02-08 07:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by sally 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible that the mentor is jealous, but I feel there is something more to her acting the way she did. In any case, her actions were totally uncalled for and she is the one with the problem, not your wife. I think you should express to your wife that sometimes we never know what people are truly like until the right time - in her case, a time when the mentor felt THREATENED. Then her true colors came out - she'd lash at a trusting friend. What a real cow. The only thing that you can tell your wife is that she can totally rise above such a petty emotion as jealousy. Tell her to be strong, sometimes we all have to lose a friend. It really hurts, but life has a way of having us break up with one friend to find a new one who is awesome too!!
2007-02-08 08:41:18 · answer #2 · answered by lanibear55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would like to congratulate your wife for receiving her undergraduate degree, that is awesome! Second, your wife did the right thing to go to the woman's office to see what the problem was. I am not not sure what exactly took place there in the office, but your wife did the right thing. It seems like this woman has some problems of her own that she is dealing with, like being a jealous woman and being competitive. This has nothing to do with your wife, this has something to do with the woman. If she has not apologize to your wife, then that shows you what kind of woman she is. She is not being responsible for her own actions.
Everyone who knows your wife, don't see her like the other woman does. I know it must have been devastating for your wife to hear such things coming from a woman who she once looked up to, but if your wife knows that she is not those 'things' that the woman has mentioned to her, then your wife should not worry about them, but to just move on. There is nothing else she can do about the situation.
You wife has come this far with such success, voted best faculty member 5 times. All the success she has accomplished should keep her going for what she is striving for.
What you can say to your wife is tell her that no matter what has happened, you still love her and support her in the things she has done and will do. Tell her that she made great accomplishments for herself and that she should not worry what other people think of her. Tell her that there are people out there who would rather bring people down and spoil it for others all because they are jealous, or because they have other issues in their lives, or maybe because they don't really care, but only care for themselves and not others. Just tell her, what she did was the right thing and she just needs to move on. And, last but not least, tell her that if there is anything that you can do for her, to let you know.....don't forget to tell her she is the best thing that has ever happened to you and that she can do anything if she puts her mind to it. Don't forget to let her know again, that you love her and just give her a great big hug and kiss!! (smile)
You got yourself a winner, just be there no matter what she is going through. You can consider on taking her out for dinner or get her some flowers to make her feel better. Being there for her is most important and also important to lend a ear.
Let her know that you care and she can cry on your shoulder any time no matter what the situation is.
Again, congrats to your wonderful wife and I am sure she also appreciates you for the things you do and for the person that you are!
2007-02-08 08:20:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That's probably the case.
However, I think the best thing for you to tell your wife is that this woman must be PMSing or something. The school obviously thinks you are great. Probably, the mentor doesn't feel like a superior anymore and has tried to get the upper hand again.
I wouldn't dwell on it with her too much. I can't say I am an expert on women, but I know this - you cannot make problems she has outside of your household better. She has to do it. Just be a strong support for her. She'll have to do the rest.
2007-02-08 07:55:44 · answer #4 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife the behavior from this woman was Very unprofessional,
1. Never criticize a person in front of co-workers.
Childish,
2. refusing to talk about the situation.
Fortunately, most of your wife's colleagues realize this behavior was NOT appropriate at the workplace. Make your wife aware of this fact! The flip side being, this woman has lost, not only your wife's but some of this woman's colleagues' respect!
Also, bring up the point, this woman may have some personal issues that she is allowing to influence her at the workplace.
You could suggest your wife speak to this woman's boss about the unprofessional behavior. Remind her to focus on the behavior, not the person.
Advice this woman should be getting!
2007-02-08 08:05:22 · answer #5 · answered by maj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps she can write a letter to this professor expressing her disappointment with her mentor. She doesnt need to mail it.
But perhaps just writing it would help her to some extent.
At any rate, let her know that she's the best she is. You love her dearly. Others obviously feel that she's important. Apparantly this professor may be envious of your wife and unable to accept your wife's success above her own. Sometimes the big gun is unable to accept the young shooter coming up in the world!
In that instance, your wife should be extremely proud!
2007-02-08 07:59:43 · answer #6 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women can be very 'catty' at times, especially towards each other in an office environment. Maybe she did not have her saucer of milk that morning or going thru Menopause and took all her anger and frustrations out on your wife, who admired her so. Like the ole Mills Brothers song, "You always hurt the ones you love" Jealousy could be involved because her youth is fading and she may think your wife is 'stealing her tiara' for being the Queen B*tch on campus for being Miss Popularity. Remind her that work is only 8 hours a day, the 16 belong to you and her and she is your Queen, not that dried up prune.
2007-02-08 08:02:01 · answer #7 · answered by condadocondo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
the older woman feels threatened by your wife, and your wife is so hurt because this woman was a mentor like someone she highly respected and maybe even loved, so when someone hurts us that we care about it is much worse. just tell your wife to ignore her, and say nothing, as people can see the older lady and she will be judged by her actions. the lady was embarrassed by her own actions and refused to talk about it as she had no out she clearly knew she had overstepped her boundaries and treated your wife unfairly. jealousy makes people do strange thing, its one of the emotions, and our emotions sometimes control us even if we should be controlling them. think the older lady will eventually see she was wrong and she will apologize to your wife, tell your wife to take the high road here and say nothing. it wouldn't hurt your wife so bad if she didn't have a close connection with the woman.
2007-02-08 08:59:10 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is jealous. Your wife is an educated woman, so she should no better than to be so upset over ignorance. Maybe the old girl, (professor), is getting cranky, knowing her teaching time is almost up. Your wife has done extremely well, and should be proud. Tell her to hold her head high, and F_ _K that old bag.
2007-02-08 07:55:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just be there for her there is real nothing you can do but listen and support her and love on her and let her know what you think and then let it go and it will pass it hurts when someone you look up is not the person you thought they were. be a good man and take her and celebrate her best faculty award and forget Mrs Meanie..
2007-02-08 07:59:36 · answer #10 · answered by tlcoufan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her what you just wrote on the last line
after just hold her sometimes is better not to say too much
certain pain will only go away on it own
the only person that can make her feel better is the woman that hurt her
so just hold her and let her talk when ever she needs to
2007-02-08 07:57:53 · answer #11 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋