marriage problems I need advice?

Question

July will be seven years of marriage, we have a five year old daughter, we moved back to my hometown just recently, and now he wants out of this marriage, because he feels that he is threatened to stay in this marriage, well let me give a little detail last year, he cheated on me, and i moved three hours away, and he comes back to me thinking that things would get back to normal, well it did until he got a new job, well this female keeps calling and texting him, he would talk to her all night, and dont call me or anything, he talks to her on the way home from work, shes got a bf, and two kids, and i've told her to quit, so last night he changed his number, and still calls her, but calls her private. i asked him if he cared that he has hurt my feelings, he said he really dont care how i feel. i just dont understand, what should i do?

Answer 1

Does he realize that when he does these things he is not only betraying you and the vows that you took, but also his daughter? Is this the example he wants to set for her? Is this how he would want some guy to treat her? Maybe he needs to think about how his actions effect his FAMILY!!!

I know that it is really easy for all of these people on here to tell you, it's over, just move on, but it isn't that easy and we all know that. However, you need to do what is best for you and your daughter. Children know when something isn't right, and if you think she can't feel the tension, you're wrong. This "other woman" that he is talking too is just another disrespectful, homewrecker that is feeding his over-inflated ego right now. He will get bored of her eventually too.

I don't know if you have somewhere you can go? Your parents, a brother or sister maybe? But maybe you need to put some things in a suitcase for both you and your daughter and just not be there when he gets home. Let him see what his life will be like coming home to no wife & daughter. Maybe he needs a healthy reality check? And maybe you need to go somewhere and clear your head and think about what it is you really want to do?

And just for the record "PANDORA", the fact that he is cheating is in NO WAY her fault. What if she does nag? That does not warrant his behavior. They are called marriage VOWS for a reason. Infidelity is never okay, no matter what the other person may or may not be doing!!!

Answer 2

Easy, you are not confronting the true problem in this equation...

YOU.

How you treat your man affects how he is going to treat you. You are not telling us the entire story, like do you nag to him about minor things, do you pick fights. Do you put the children's needs before his (if you want an explination of this, feel free to email me. You were a wife before you were a mother..)Did you stop caring about what HIS needs were. Did you give into him sexually? have you used sex as a controling tool?

I'm sure you've done one of those or more. And because of that, your man doesn't feel like a man around you and doesn't care. So you need to stop being a selfish wife. You need to face whatever insecurities you are having with your husband and fix them.

so, let me ask you some questions here, and I want you to be honest with YOURSELF in answering them..

1. Am I jealous of this other woman?
2. Why am I jealous of this other woman?
3. Do I keep him happy in bed?
4. When was the last time I said I love you and TRULY ment it?
5. Do I trust him?
6. Does he trust me???
7. How will a divorce affect the kids.
8. What is lacking in our marraige so that he WANTS to cheat.?
9. Am I treating my husband like a MAN or a ROOMATE?
10. What have I done for him lately...?

answer those questions and you might jsut see how selfish you are and that you have been ingorning your husbands needs. Once you figure this out and start worring aboiut him (and not yourself, because thats what he'll start doing) Then he will stop seeing this mistress and redirect his attention to you. If you aren't going to be woman enough to step up to the number one spot in his life, he is going to find something else that will...

Sorry hunny, thats life.

Answer 3

Assuming (big assumption) that there may be something going on between your husband and this woman. You need to ask yourself whether you want a relationship enough to be with him though you have these concerns.

Many people, including myself are simply not monogamous (full disclosure: neither my wife or I are monogamous [polyamorous to be exact]).. It is in their nature. Not that someone could control their nature, some people can and some can't and some admit it from the beginning.

It sounds as if your husband, despite any promises that he made is simple not monogamous. With that in mind, you need to decide whether you want to maintain the marriage or not. That isn't his decision, it is yours.

But in any case, things do need to change. If you choose to stay with him the lies and deception need to end. Non-monogamy isn't the marriage killer, dishonesty is. You both need to sit down and talk this out, or just leave.

And, given his history, don't have him make promises he can't keep if you decide to stay with him. Also, don't try to blame the other woman here. She is guilty of nothing. It is not her responsibility to protect your marriage. And don't expect her to change, why should she?

If you decide to stay with your husband, it is advisable that you get to know this woman, and not with your husband acting as a filter. You might find that she is just as deceived as you have been.

Don't stay with him because of your daughter. Using her as an excuse for staying will just cause your daughter harm, though you may not see it until she is an adult. Decide this for yourself.

Bottom line is that you can’t expect your husband to change. Don't expect the woman to go away. Even if she did, there would just be another woman later. Decide whether you want to live in this situation or not and then act on it.

Answer 4

That sounded just like me several years ago. I'm not proud to say, but I did my wife of 25 years the same way. We are no longer married and everyday I regret my stupidity. She, on the other hand, regrets wasting 1/2 her life with me. It's gonna be tough on you, but you and your daughter deserve better treatment than what he's giving you. You know in your heart what you should do. Decent guys are hard to find, but they're out there, and one's looking for you at this very moment, wondering where you are. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 5

It sounds like he's made up his mind, doesn't it? He keeps in touch with this woman in spite of knowing that you don't want him to do that.

I think you do understand, you just can't admit to yourself that the relationship is over.

Have you told him plainly that if he doesn't stop what he's doing and treat you the way a wife should be treated that you want a divorce? It's worth a try. If he turns you down, you'll know clearly where you stand and what you have to do.

Answer 6

Take your daughter and run! hes an ***!hole are you kidding me. i would run so fast. dont let your daughter witness that. i beg of you as a child who went threw that. let him screw that little CUnext tuesday. your im sure worth so much more than him. just leave him. someone else is out there that is so much better for you. i think you should say fine. but dont come crawling back to me.


hope i helped

Answer 7

If he says he doesn't care, then you shouldn't. I do not believe in divorce, but it sounds like he is already gone. The best thing you can do right now is to take care of you and your daughter. It's all about YOU now!

Answer 8

File divorce papers as soon as possible. Seek a divorce attorney. Why continue to put yourself and your child through such a load of bull. Honey he is still cheatin not going to stop so you need to move on and let him go.

Answer 9

seems like he would rather be with the other lady. if he doesn't care about your feelings then he probably isn't good enough for you. i know it will be hard but let him go. someone better will come along. you and your daughter deserve someone who cares about you and your feelings. to love someone you have to care about them and that includes hurting them and hurting their feelings. you can't have a marriage without love.

Answer 10

I am no longer in love with my wife and this sounds like something I would do...I hate to sound so cold but I am hurting and I would love someone elso to talk to. It is over. You are young, move on and try to enjoy your new life and fresh start. Sorry if I sound too harsh!