how can a rape victim get past their trauma and feel good about sex again.?

Question

how can a rape victim overcome the psychological damage so that they can have sex again?
Question Details: my sister has been married for over a month and hasnt consumated her marriage yet, sexwise. severl years ago, a guy she was dating forced himself on her- he didnt actually penetrate her, but psychologically it was the whole thing for her. now, she says that when she and her husband try to make love, it hurts so bad that she shakes for about half an hour afterward, she has tried taking lortab before, she has had an exam by her doctor which he said everything was normal. she claims to have excruciating headaches, nausea, and always has people over for dinner, game nights, and then gets tired early and goes to bed, we think so she wont have to face it. She HATES counselors and shrinks, and wont even consider the thought of going to talk to them. im pretty sure her current problems lead back to her rape. what else can she do to maybe help get through this-

Answer 1

Your sister needs psychological help, whether she wants it or not.

If she does not get the help she needs, her marriage IS going to fall apart. It's just a matter of how much patience her husband has.

Answer 2

She needs to go through some therapy, and possibly be put on medication short term. When I was 14, I was kidnapped for three months, held against my will, and raped on a daily basis. When the police finally found me due to my abductor's slipping up, I was immediately taken to the hospital. I was then put into a counseling program that helped a great deal. He had locked me into a small room, like a closet. He kept me tied up there. There were roaches and very little light. Some days I did not get to eat. I'm lucky to be alive. I was put on Zoloft for a while and then Wellbutrin because I was very very depressed and just couldn't seem to function. It still affects me today. When I meet somebody from Egypt, I have to tell myself that not all of them are that way, just one man did that to me. I have to get past the original tenseness I feel when meeting them. She will be ok in time. This is very hard to recover from. You have to look at a lot of things you don't want to see. You're forced to think about it and say it over and over again because that somehow gets you used to the fact that, yes, this did happen to me. There is nothing I can do to change that. I can't just keep beating myself down over it. Why give him that power over me when he's in jail? Why let him take my life? Why should I be held captive for what he chose to do to me as a child? I'd be more than happy to speak to your sister if you would like. My email is in my profile. I have experience with this. She's never going to forget it. She can move past it, but it's part of who she is now. She has to learn to deal with it.

Answer 3

I was a victim of rape myself. It took alot of time, a therapist, and a very understanding man (now my husband) to get to the point where I was comfortable with sex. We went slow and he never pushed for more than what I was willing to give. Without some kind of help I don't see much hope for your sister getting over all of this. It is horrible to be a victim of rape but it would be even worse to be a victim of circumstances after rape that you were never able to put behind you. Talk to her and ask her to get help. She shouldn't have to live out the rest of her life suffering , in pain, and feeling all alone. She may get upset with you in the beginning but she will eventually grow to appreciate what you have done.

Answer 4

She needs to seperate the two. Rape is not sex. Rape is a violent crime committed against her by someone choosing to exercise their power over her. Sex is consensual act, hopefully shared in love.

I am curious if she was raised in a repressed enviroment? I ask because often these "anti-sex" feelings do not correspond with a rape or sexual crime against one's self. 80% of all sex crime victims turn towards promiscuity instead of being against it. However, I have seen lots of people who were raised to believe sex was "dirty" and are afraid to have sex for that reason. Often this is linked to strict religious upbringing. If so, she may consider speaking with a religious leader, who will undoubtedly remind her that sex is (according that good ol' book) a requirement in a marriage (please no comments to me, I'm strictly stating the biblical understanding... not my personal opinion).

HOWEVER, it is possible that it actually HURTS her to have sex. I had a friend who was afraid of the pain. The answer: lube and small toys. Get used to the feeling of penetration. Work towards intercourse.

Have you considered a sex therapist? They aren't counselors, but rather "helpers." It may help her relax about the idea of sex.

Answer 5

i am quite sure the first thing for her to understand is that rape and sex and love are all different things.
rape is an unspeakable act commited by someone that has little or no understanding of what it means to be human.
sex is an action most often done with two people for pleasure and
love is something that is deeper then our understanding of how good humans can be.
once she understands fully that what happened to her is an evil act commited by demon like things and has nothing to do with this world except that she has had the misfortune to come across some of the horrible evils she will see this is in no way in any way not even slightly remotely her fault she can begin to understand that what the evil ones attempted to do was to take from her. the action is more a an act of stealing from another.
the evil one tried to steal the goodness that is in you. they attempted to take away love from you . you can win this beat this evil by letting the love that is still very much within you come to the surface see the horror and conqueur it . love is more powerfull then evil .
you have all that is needed to stop the actions of the rapist from continuing to harm you . i know that the rapist is gone but his actions were designed to cause you to suffer and to leave your love hiden inside for so long that it seems to have died.
you dont want all that is good in you to die because if you do the rapist demon wins. now is your chance to win this is your chance to beat the crap out of that evil by allowing yourself to feel love to not only yourself but to let the love come out see the world repair the damage and make you well again .
do this by letting love guide you toward others so that you may share your love . you have seen evil now see love i assure you love is like the most beutifull garden it is paradice and sharing that love or garden with another is a way to make every flower in the great garden bloom all at once . once your heart and soul see love again in this garden you will seek to return to the good things in your life . a family a husband a child a mother a father
a church a season of peace awaits the one who seeks this love
i hope you make the trip.

Answer 6

You know....I never quite figured that out myself. I've been liing for 10 years with the shame of being orally raped...and there is no easy way to deal with it. I tried talking to a counselor before...but I just got belittled...(Oh, and how did that make you feel?..stuff like that.) She (and maybe even I) may have to break down and talk to a counselor to get past the hurt, guilt and shame something like that can make you feel. Best of luck!

Answer 7

No one likes to attend the shrink.
She has some serious issues which cannot be
dealt with without therapy.
Unless she wants to add divorce and continuing
sexual disfunction to the list get her to therapy.

I suspect that her husband may make it a requirement
for staying married soon .

Answer 8

yes her troubles are most likely stemming from what happened to her, but unless she is willing to get some help there isn't much u can do. she may respond to spiritual therapy better than the normal therapy. some trusted minister, priest that has some experience in this kind of thing.

Answer 9

hi there i can totally relate to what happened to your sister coz i have been thr the same **** god bless that *** but honestly i had a lto of guilt about whatever happened with me and i would blame my self for that horror it took me 15 years to get out of the guilt and everything but my sisters helped me big time to get over it i believe if you and your sister share a very speacial and close bond try talking with her help her get out of it coz she needs people she can totally trust and rely on who understand her in and out it helps i was unable to sleep with anybody after whatever happened but now i have no problems you know it is easy to say get help from professional but that does not help she need to trust whoever she shares it with a100%
that

Answer 10

She needs professional help and if she doesn't get it she will ruin her marriage and life. She can not do it herself.