my sister has been married for over a month and hasnt consumated her marriage yet, sexwise. severl years ago, a guy she was dating forced himself on her- he didnt actually penetrate her, but psychologically it was the whole thing for her. now, she says that when she and her husband try to make love, it hurts so bad that she shakes for about half an hour afterward, she has tried taking lortab before, she has had an exam by her doctor which he said everything was normal. she claims to have excruciating headaches, nausea, and always has people over for dinner, game nights, and then gets tired early and goes to bed, we think so she wont have to face it. She HATES counselors and shrinks, and wont even consider the thought of going to talk to them. im pretty sure her current problems lead back to her rape. what else can she do to maybe help get through this-
2007-02-08 07:40:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Praying might help her. But if she fully wants to recover, she needs to talk to someone about it. And find different ways to relax herself when she does have intercourse.
2007-02-08 07:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by Your_Star 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wonder why she "hates" counselors? Also she was not raped according to what you have stated here, it sounds like she may have been assaulted. There is only one way to overcome psychological damage and that is by wanting to get help and doing whatever necessary to do this. If she cannot stand to see a therapist perhaps she would be willing to read a self help book written by one or a book written by a victim of assault. She could be suffering from PTSD or post traumatic stress disorder, but i am not a doctor. Baby steps for your sis okay?
2007-02-08 07:48:44 · answer #2 · answered by LM 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, she can only get help when she is ready. It sounds like she is not ready to deal with the rape, yet. She seems to have symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but only a Psychiatrist or Psychologist could diagnose her with that and prescribe medication. When she is ready to deal with the rape, a combo of therapy and medication would probably be best, but again she is the only one who can ask for help. Just be there for her, without telling her what she should do and when she is ready make sure she goes to a therapist and/or agency that specializes in rape/sexual assault. You can go to this website for more info: http://www.rainn.org/. Good luck!
2007-02-08 07:52:40 · answer #3 · answered by cb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your sis may have PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is not uncommon for people who have been through a traumatic event like that. I have this disorder. Not from rape, but from physical abuse from an ex.
If this is the case with her, I suggest she see a doctor and get meds. This may be the only way she can relax and live a normal life. Meds can truly do wonders. Without mine I would be really lost. Talk to her and urge her to seek help. Good luck.
2007-02-08 07:48:11 · answer #4 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has different mental projections. Any time sex occurs under the influence of alcohol it can legally be considered as rape. Give it time, but something should happen soon because I'm sure comming from a guys standpoint this cannot be easy for the husband. No matter how supportive he is. As a sister you should really try to help her on this one
2007-02-08 07:45:05 · answer #5 · answered by fosterb_2004 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The only way your sister may be able to overcome this is by counselling. I know she hates the thought, so do I, but unless she see's a psychosexual counsellor and deals with was is esentially Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, she won't be able to enter into a sexual relationship. I say won't, what I mean is, she is unlikely to overcome her difficulties on her own if they run that deeply.
I really hope that your sister can summon up enough courage to see her GP and arrange to see someone and at least try to talk about her problems.
Hope this helps.
2007-02-08 07:47:52 · answer #6 · answered by midnightvelvet 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Need to see a doctor... I mean someone who is specialized in mental traumas, not just a psychologist. Because you said that it might have affected her a lot and her behaviors after her husband make love, I think she needs very intense therapy. Also you could even recommend her meditation. I know a lot of people who are victims of sex crimes find meditation help to develop the lost self confidence.
2007-02-08 08:13:30 · answer #7 · answered by MSS 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with my sister for a heart to heart and tell he even though you can not imagine her pain, that you want to understand it, and you want her to have a long loving happy marriage. maybe even throw in your desire to see her raise a happy family, then offer to go with her for counseling, you may find out that you have some grieving to do for yourself. After all her experience not only robbed her it has taken it's toll on everyone close to her. When people in our lives suffer we do too. Try to get her to go if you have to beg, plead, cry or anything else short of turning on her. A good way to broach the conversation is to tell her you love her so much that you are willing to have her mad rather than stand by and see her hurt any more than necessary.
2007-02-08 07:59:02 · answer #8 · answered by chasin_jasen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she refuses to go see a counselor, maybe your family should sit down and talk to her about it. The husband married her for her and the total package. Is he concerned as well and asking the family since he has offered ( I hope) to go to counseling with her. Have all of the immediate close family members offered to go with her to counseling, and informed her that they will be by her side during this healing process. Maybe she will reconsider going then. If not maybe a close relative or friend can talk or go with her.
You should give her so time but on the other side of the token she could mentally and physically hurting herself if she waits to long.
2007-02-08 07:52:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to talk to a counselor, sounds like a bit of PTSD. She needs to know that it wasn't her fault. She also needs to know that going to a counselor doesn't make her crazy, but is the path to a healthier life. Her husband needs to make sure she is mentally present with him in those intimate times so that she doesn't withdraw and experience flashbacks.
Also if she isn't honest with her doctor about what she experiences, he will not be able to help her. What happened to her definately was wrong, and not her fault, but it is her responsibility to deal with the emotions now.
2007-02-08 07:49:06 · answer #10 · answered by sarah c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She needs to go to a physiologist. She has the issue. There is nothing he or you can do. Quit frankly by law in some states that is grounds for an annulment or at least that is what i heard. I am gay so don't really understand the whole marriage thing.
2007-02-08 07:45:23 · answer #11 · answered by Karrien Sim Peters 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋