My husband is probably having an affair. I'm not that bothered, except it makes him look a creep. Is it worth

Question

doing anything about it? Two kids need a home, I'm not about to throw all my toys out of the cot.

I feel so supported. Wonderful. For all those who deal in absolutes, good for you, life must be very simple. Good points too, I should probably be outraged, but he's just a nice, but temporarily stupid guy. Won't let it go on too long, promise! PS no physical danger while I suspect its happening -- THAT would be silly. He'll rumble it, eventually...

Answer 1

Interesting concept! I took the liberty of researching your previous questions to see if I could get a handle on this question. You've probably been married about 18 - 30 years my guess closer to 30. Your casual approach to this problem seems to put your age at around mine. Say 48-50ish? My guess is he has had affairs before, maybe several which has in a sense calloused you to his indiscretions. So the love is gone, maybe not the lust, but definitely the love (for him). However, your over flowing with Love for your children, which is why you are simply wondering if it would be better to just "yawn" and go on about your business. I defiantly give you kudos for your responsibility to the kids. And as long as you don't cheat yourself, you really aren't going to screw up "your"self esteem. The one fly in the ointment is if he really falls for someone, he's going to bolt, and then the messy proceedings to stifle the losses. So as long as "you" have noi problem I would suggest one minor tweaking to your concept....Start putting away money for the inevitable! You'll be glad you did later. & don't touch it either!

Answer 2

Tough question with a tough answer for you: GET OUT. I was a stay at home mom with no income stuck in an unhappy marriage. Children have a magical sense of knowing when love ISN'T there. Why do I say love isn't there? Because you don't care if he's having an affair. The sanctity of marriage is gone. Marriage is like worship and it requires sacrifice, such as fedility. The only other option is that you love him but have such a low self-esteem that you don't think it's worth caring if he's having an affair. Lack of love or low self-esteem are both harmful to your children. One can be fixed, the other can't. If you can fix yourself, make yourself happy and say "dude, no cheating..." then do it, otherwise, get out. Your two kids need a happy mom more than they need a home. A happy mom can provide them a home but a home doesn't necessarily give them a happy mom.

Answer 3

You may not be bothered by his affair, but you do need to be concerned about STDs and about money being spent elsewhere. In your own way, you might mention STD's to him in a general conversation. When men have affairs, they take money away from the family, so you might also keep an eye on the monthly budget Hopefully, your man's mistress is self-sufficient and free of diseases. Otherwise, you'll run into problems later.

Answer 4

If you aren't that bothered, what kind of wife are you???? My husband had an affair for about six months with my brothers wife, although I knew this was going on I couldn't bring myself to tell my brother and I certainly didn't want to loose my husband, so I agreed to keep my mouth shut if they'd cool it, I couldn't eat , I couldn't sleep and it was the hardest time of my life. After it finally ended, we spent alot of nights and days working on our marriage and trying to find where we went wrong, now we are stronger than ever. I know it's hard especially if you have kids, but you need to care about how your kids see their mom and dad, obviously you really don't care that deeply for him or it would bother you. Confront him and give him a choice the other woman or you. And then if he chooses you really truly work on your marriage, and if you don't really care then move on. It makes you look like a looser to!

Answer 5

Wait till he's taking a shower and bring the bubbling grits, a vat of sizzling oil or remember Lorena Bobbitt ;-). Don't forget the camera for pics to share on the Internet.

If you are staying for the sake of the children, you need to evaluate the value of your children seeing their mother devalued in this way. Just because he isn't (I assume) phsyically or emotionally abusive, doesn't make outside sex any less dangerous. The risks of STDs and out-of-wedlock pregnancy are too well-known to need discussion here, but you don't want your kids' emotional relationships being wrecked because they see a creep devaluing their mother. It way be "just sex", but the loss of affection will be abundantly clear to your kids. Just some food for thought....

Answer 6

Your self esteem is NON existent. Your two children need a stable home and not some sleazy father who cheats and a crazy mother who allows it to continue with her knowledge and consent. How can you stand the thought of having sex with your husband knowing that he is screwing another chick and bringing home who knows what from her. You are playing with fire and you WILL get burned.

Answer 7

ask him if its alright for you to start seeing other men. lets see if he is as understanding (or indifferent) as you are.

if he says sweet, then move him out. if he says no, tell him hes a bigot and move him out.

if he is having an affair, you have become second choice. and a place to come home to eat and sleep. you are not an asian bride. sort it out. if you can see whats going on, how long till the kids do, and what picture of adult life do you want them to believe is normal?

Answer 8

You need to get more respect for yourself. How can you just let your husband treat you like dirt and not care just cause you need a place to stay. You need to get out and get a job save some money and move on find a man who respects you and who you care for. this is no way to live your life

Answer 9

Have some self respect girl. Leave him before he gives you a STD or AIDS. Come to your senses for the sake of the kids. What kind of role model are you?

Answer 10

Confront him about it. Its better to know than not to know. After you find out, that's when you need to decide what to do. Kids do need their parents, but kids know much more than we give them credit for, and they will feel the tension and the hurt and your relationship. Do not stay in a relationship if neither of you are happy.