i need help..10 points..relationship question?

Question

my boyfriend got divorced . he and his ex wife have 4 kids. My boyfriends siste r is getting marr ied a few states away.they are planning a trip down to see her as a family im not happy with this i have never been married and no kids ..how should i fee and deal with this ..would you be ok with it if you were in my shoes?

Answer 1

Because they have children together they will ALWAYS be a part of eachothers "family." Being in your shoes, you need to be trusting and understanding in situations like that, otherwise your relationship with him is not going to work.

Answer 2

Well, of course you're not happy about it, I couldn't find a reason why you would be ok with it. How long have you two been together? Generally some people can be very conservative and only take their B/F or G/F around their family if they feel they have been together long enough. For instance my mom is 100% Italian and very conservative on that note, and she would not appreciate me taking a girl to meet the family unless we were something serious. The term b/f g/f is taken very loosely in this society anymore, so maybe try and look at it from that stand point. Otherwise there is no reason he is excluding you from family affairs and if he was serious about staying with you then I don't believe he'd do something like this. It is almost as if he is embarrassed and maybe his family doesn't know that he is divorced? Anyways, they got divorced for a reason, there is no need for that, have him hit the road and find someone to start your own family with...there are plenty of fish in the sea and you don't need to make someone a priority when obviously you are just an option to them!

Answer 3

First of all you need to either trust your boyfriend or not. He has to maintain a relationship with his ex-wife and it should be one where there is a lot of communication and not a lot of anger, fighting, discontent, for the sake of the kids. If they are traveling together I would not like it, but finances could dictate that it would be better to do so. They got a divorce for a reason, and it sounds as if they are happier and have moved on. If you are really uncomfortable, why not suggest that you go along and do some sightseeing or relaxing while they are at the wedding? If you are planning a long term relationship with this guy you need to learn to have a comfortable relationship with his ex-wife also. This former family is a part of your guy, you either accept it or find a new one. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

Why did your boyfriend and his ex divorce? How long were they married?

You must realize that the ex and kids may be "a part of his family" forever at this point in time, especially if he is the one that chose to leave the marriage. His family (mom, dad, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc.) may really like/love the ex and the kids. Just because he divorced her doesn't mean his family divorced them. Likewise, just because they are divorced doesn't mean he will abandon his children...they are his family, even if he doesn't really want his ex. Logistically, from a travel perspective, it may be more cost effective, etc. for all of them to travel together. Unless he and the ex are sharing the same bed during the trip, you've got nothing to complain about.

I think you need to grow up and realize that the ex and kids are going to be part of his life, probably forever. Is there a reason you are not going? Assuming the divorce is public knowledge and you aren't considered a "home wrecker" and are unwelcome by his family, I'd think you'd join them all. If the ex can't handle you being a part of his life, she needs to grow up.

Answer 5

It doesn't matter how anybody else feels about it except for you. If you get real serious with this guy you know going into it that it's a package deal. His kids, and ex for that matter, are always going to be a part of his life. If you want to be with him you will have to accept that and don't feel like he is choosing time with his kids over you. I'm divorced from a woman that had 2 kids and am now remarried to a gal that was never married and has no kids.

Answer 6

When you are dating someone that has been divorced and has children it can be tough. My boyfriend is divorced and him and his ex wife have a 9 year old daughter. His ex-in-laws are still call and talk to him and ask him to do them favors around their house. You have to understand that they do have kids together and they are always going to be some sort of "family" especially if they were married for a long period of time. If I were in your shoes it would bother me some but I would also need to realize that he is doing this for his kids and not so he can go away with his ex. If you are really worried about him hooking up with his ex then you guys have other problems.

Answer 7

Wow! This is a tough one. It's ultimately up to you and how you feel. How long have you guys been together? I think that is important to the situation. How long have they been divorced?

If anything if y'all are a serious couple then I would say you going along would make it more comfortable. If I was serious w/him n he w/me I wouldn't accept it or be okay w/it. I would feel okay w/it if I was there. It's great to have a good relationship w/your ex but if he is in a serious relationship (w/u) then this is ridiculous!

You should express your feelings to him. His sister's marriage is a big deal and I would also feel left out. But again this may depend on your status with this guy. If you express your feelings to him....he should respect your feelings and try to accommodate to them...if he truly cares for you!!

You definitely shouldn't be left in the cold...so get what you need to be happy cuz that is very important too! If you don't then take it for what it is and go with the flow. Which means if he doesn't respect your feelings or try to work it out w/u.....it may not be meant to be!

Best wishes & God Bless.

Answer 8

I would not let my husband be with his ex like that. He should include you. You are the new woman in his life , his ex should be apart of the past. They need to only talk about kids together, not a trip. It sounds like you relationship is not gonna go no where. It sounds as if he is still hung up on his ex. I wouldn't do it or even start to put up with it. Girl, he will hurt you. Get out now.

Answer 9

If you are going along with them then it can give you a chance to get to know his family and show them who you are. Just because you have never been married doesn't mean that you can't find a common interest to talk about. If you are staying behind for the trip then there really is no worry. He will be among people who are in committed relationships and they will help keep his mind on you.

Answer 10

I don't think this is okay at all!

How the heck are they planning a trip "as a family". Hello! They aren't a family anymore! You have every right to feel the way you do, why doesnt he take YOU along with the kids too. The ex wife no longer has ties to HIS sister.

You should sit down with him and let him know how you feel, he should understand why this makes you uncomfortable.

Answer 11

not ok but i would understand that he has a family. he doesn't want to start a seen at the wedding. maybe its to early for him and the kids to show that dad has a new women. maybe a compromise. you go on the trip with him but not to the wedding. that shouldn't be a problem. unless its over a few days. then that would be awkward for the kids again. let him have this. the kids and his ex will always be apart of his life, like it or not. there will always be issues with the kids and ex. so if you want to be with him get ready for the drama.