My husband cheated on me. Whenever I tell another woman about it, they all say that their husbands cheated on him. Not one of them would have admitted it prior to this. I even talk to grandmother types and they all say that their husbands cheated. There is always some woman available. It is inevitable, so why not? It will sure ease the pain of the divorce procedures.
2007-02-08 07:19:08 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks bsoundog. I didn't think of that. Maybe we can just go out to dinner a few times or to a movie.
2007-02-08 07:25:40 · update #1
i am guessing he is married? you know how it made you feel...do you want to be the cause of that pain for another woman? personally, you have said vows...if you are sexually open with one another, then there should be no need to cheat...now...if you make eachother miserable all of the time and don't love eachother, then why did you get married? Marriage should be a life long committment and to make it work, each party needs to put forth an effort! Talk about sex and sexual topics...it isn't taboo...you are married!
I think it would be terrible to take him up on the offer...actually, i would contact his wife and let her know that there are parts of her marriage that she needs to work at, as her husband is trying to get you in bed!
2007-02-08 07:26:48 · answer #1 · answered by k t 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have got it all wrong. Not every man cheats. The ones that do cheat are either ******* or they married the wrong woman and didn't want to admit it by divorcing. Please don't perpetuate thinking like that - you are not serving to help the younger generations by planting the thought into their heads that divorce and cheating are inevitable. It is not - especially if you put as much energy into really getting to know your mate before you marry as you do trashing all male-kind.
As for your taking up your ex's offer - why would you want to put yourself into a position where first, you are HIS seconds. The way you phrased the question makes it totally evident. And if you think that cheating is going to make anything better for you or your damaged relationship with your husband, it won't. Not only will you be a hurt and lonely wife, you'll also be a wife branded a whore. Yes, double standard, it's true, but that's just the way the world works. It doesn't matter what your motives were, sleeping with someone else is just jumping from the frying pan and into the fire. Do you really think that being a mistress is the only way to get out of a painful relationship with your husband? What would your children think of you? What about your family? His family? That is a long list of people who will brand you with names and really lose a lot of respect for you - however, not more than you have lost for yourself.
You see, I know that you are hurt by your husbands infidelity. Don't stoop to his level and cause all kinds of carnage in the wake of your failed marriage. Instead of degrading yourself, WORK on making yourself better. Be above him. Leave him and find someone who wants you for YOU, not for his sloppy seconds and not as his wife who's always been there and taking his crap. My best advice to you is to be ALONE for a while so you can step back from all this pain and hurt and clear your head. Jumping from one relationship right into another is no good for you, especially since you are so vulnerable right now that any slime ball will take you up and use you and you'll be right back to this place again. Except a little OLDER.
You know that cheating is wrong - and you are not even looking at it from the perspective of your ex's wife. How do you think she'll feel finding out he's cheating? JUST HOW YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND CHEATING. Don't be selfish, don't run your reputation into the ground, don't do anything that will emotionally, psychologically and socially scar you. Like I said, step back and take a breather from it all. Leave your husband and start a new life, work on yourself and make sure that you don't let his treachery stain you in any way.
I wish the best of luck to you and I am sending you good vibes. Please think about what I have said.
2007-02-08 07:40:04 · answer #2 · answered by lanibear55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may feel wonderful in the beginning but trust me. It never ends as nice as it starts. I have been the wife and I have been the mistress. The wife once and the mistress too many times. The last time was the last time. You never leave the 3 some feeling good about your self no matter how it plays out. Dont put yourself through the turmoil. After playing the game for years I would rather be by myself than the mistress ever again. You can make all the excuses in the world why it is ok and how much you get from it, but in the end you always regret it.
2007-02-08 07:27:45 · answer #3 · answered by MARGARET M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would be very unwise to do that. #1 it is against God's 10 commandments. #2 your husband will find out and all hell will break loose. #3 You will lose your respect #4 If you have kids, the kids will be stressed and depressed. #5 Think about the consequences if your husband wants a divorce. Will your quality of life change? #6 Do you want to get a STD? #7 You will ruin your life. #8 Do you have no morals? Find a good church and only date men with character that have not cheated on their wives and have morals. Look for a good widower.
2007-02-08 07:33:58 · answer #4 · answered by Patti 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey Delia,
If you are going through a divorce anyway I'd not do it till all that is over for one reason if he can then prove at anytime that you cheated too before the divorce is final you my find yourself on the losing end of that competition. Why let him get anything more than he deserves. I work will all guys in the construction business and I have known a lot of them to cheat but then again I have known a lot of women to do it too. Your life is not about statistics though it is about making yourself happy. If the affair is what you think you need to make you happy then I would be very discreet about it and not use it as a weapon to get back at your husband for his behavior, again this weapon may backfire on you.
About your friends I guess I can understand their not wanting to share that their men had cheated till you broke the ice for some reason us women think that if our men have to cheat that that means we are to blame somehow no no no no no we are not if they cheat it is because they have a problem even if it is that they don't have the ba... to leave if they are not happy in the marriage. So because they don't have a spine we feel shame, it is B S but it also is how most of us feel. It probably made them feel better to talk to you about it though if they had it all bottled up inside with no one to talk to about it.
Goldie
2007-02-08 07:38:27 · answer #5 · answered by goldie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi,
becoming a mistress just because your husband cheated on you is not a good reason unless you are looking for revenge, and then the pain will only go away for a few moments, hours or seconds. then what will you do think about hoe your husband did you wrong, think of a way to get back at him again by becoming the man chick on the side.
raise your head girl, stop betting yourself up because a man could not see what he had right in front of him. don't go down the same street that his mistress went down you are better than that. find yourself someone who is going to treat you like the woman of beauty that you are. don't settle for second best you deserve the best of the best.
2007-02-08 07:30:14 · answer #6 · answered by Sonya K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is disrespectful to yourself. A lot of guys cheat ... yes ... but I know a ton who do not! You respect yourself enough not to stay with some asshole who cheated on you, why would you do something as emotionally harmful (leads to bad self esteem issues and things can get serious for you and not for him , etc.) ... you're not an object, you're a woman who needs to be wanted for more than sex! Also ... by mistress I'm guessing this means that the guy has a wife. Why would you want to help him do something to his wife that your husband did to you. He's a **** as well, obviously, and I would tell his wife because she doesn't deserve to be treated that way. You need to find someone who RESPECTS you and loves you and doesn't think with his dick
2007-02-08 07:24:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So now you want to be the same woman that your husband cheated on you with? Grow up lady. An affair with someone involved isn't going to ease the pain of your divorce..it is only going to cause more drama in your life and give the old boyfriend another place to dip his dicck. GROW UP!!!!
2007-02-08 07:32:43 · answer #8 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you think so little of your self that you would stoop so low?
Why would you want to wreak another persons family? How would you be able to look his kids in the face and tell them that you are doing to their family if there are no kids what about the wife? You know this guy doesn't love you and he'll never leave his wife for you and if he does its because his real wife found out and left him. And you'll be stuck with a left over mess of a person. There is no future in this. Work on your own marriage.
2007-02-08 07:54:19 · answer #9 · answered by annetm2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you will look much better in the divorce (in terms of winning custody or assets if you stay clean and prove that he cheated. Besides, if you cheat you are no better than he is....wait till after the divorce. Besides there are some men that don't cheat. Try to find one of them. How do you know that the old boyfriend isn't sleeping with 15 other people with STD's?
Good Luck.
2007-02-08 07:24:25 · answer #10 · answered by Steph 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋