Why have I failed?

Question

At life I am a failure, why? I got married before I had kids, got a Ph.D., so why am I a failure, where did I go wrong?

Answer 1

Doesn't sound like faliure to me? You fail in your own mind. Perhaps your needs are outweighing your repsonsibilities. Start looking at what you have accomplished rather than what you think you should have accomplished. Then you can start building more onto what you've done instead of making yourself the victim. Be the leader you have proven you are, your children depend on it.

Answer 2

Sounds like a really vague question but all I know is that you can be the most sucessful person in the world and they will think they've failed if they have the wrong attitude. Its that whole glass is half full/half empty thing. There was a case in the newspaper today of an Oxbridge student commiting suicide because he believed he was a failure. I mean, what standard are you judging yourself against - ones bullies at school gave you, parents, a sibling or people at Uni? Do you think if your 100% perfect you will be completely accepted and loved by people who are/were in your life? Do you think if you were 100% "perfect" your discontent/problems/bad memories would go away? Whats perfect anyway? A clothes mannequin? Perfection can be really boring. Which in these pairs are a failure? the blond or brunette, the scientist of artist, Audrey Hepburn or Marilyn Monroe: there are no answers
Instead of recognising those people who never loved/accepted you are coldhearted, are you blaming yourself instead by feeling inadequate?
What would you say to someone else going through exactly your situation? The answers are inside of you and ask the right questions you will find them.
I believe that things like intelligence and beauty are just gifts which ultimately fade; they are just gifts as much as a box of chocolates or a new car and they are only temporary and can be taken away at any second for any kind of reason. The real person is left behind. The soul, the heart, the conscience, the essense. When someone is old/senile/ and seemingly not there it is this essense that means families visit and people care; not exam marks or waist lines. If people are putting these conditions on you for such shallow reasons then they themselves are shallow and not a reflection on you.
What has always helped me is having a faith in God, even though I'm not part of any religeon. Even if you don't believe in God, things like Buddhism can help bring about self-acceptance. Even just believe in something bigger then yourself and immerse yourself in it - sunsets, music, charitywork, good people.
The link below is nice for a start. Goodluck x

Answer 3

Something's obviously missing in your soul.
You had kids, got a Ph.D...... supposedly you have to be happy already by now. But something is missing inside your soul that makes you so unhappy with yourself. Trust me you are not the first one who asked about this thing. So many people who have such a huge and wonderful achievement, incomparable life wealth and worldwide success in their life, asked the same question like you did here.
Try to analyze the missing part inside your soul slowly in silence. Look into your soul see what is missing in there......Obviously there is a big hole of unhappiness and unfulfilled feeling inside your soul now. You are the one who really knows the real answer of yourself... You have to find the answer in yourself by acknowledging your past until you can see and view life from the other bright side...
I am not that witty but I just try to ease a bit.
I hope this might help. Good luck and I wish all the best for you...

Answer 4

Failure is a status of mind (in my opinion).
If you fail and you don't recognize your errors will be difficult to solve them. If you find your errors and get energy to solve them and to find success... then your failure was just part of the way to success.
Having a family and a Ph. D. doesn't mean to achieve success. Doesn't mean that you are closer to success. They are not tools for success.
The family is a source of energy and also a source of problems. But they are the perfect way to get support and visions of future. The family gives energy to keep fighting. The kids are the hope for a better future and the only way we have to let a legacy.
The Ph.D. is just something people get in order to be better prepared... but only for the people that get the title and knows how to get advantage of it. I think that the persons that get degrees just because they think that will increase their salary are wrong.
Maybe you feel like a failure because you got many of the goals you thought when you was younger. Now you have a family and a career but you find yourself unhappy. Set new goals to make you fight again! Think on a better work, a better home, a more meaningful way of helping your community. Ask your wife... and get a short trip alone, think about you, get away from the problems and remember better moments and feelings.
Life is wonderful and it is certainly a pity loosing time that you might wish to have in other circumstances.
Good luck!

Answer 5

What is your measure of success? Sounds like you have a family and an education. You have probably set your own expectations for yourself too high. Everyone screws up in relationships and money and power only give the illusion of success to the world. Real fulfillment comes when you realize that you need God and He accepts you AS YOU ARE. Give it all to God and accept the forgiveness and grace that Jesus Christ is offering you. I promise you will realize how much of a success you already are.

Answer 6

failure is like beauty. It is in the eye of the beholder.
If you have access to a computer, and time to type a question on yahoo answers...you have more than a lot of people

Answer 7

What are you using to determine failure?

Answer 8

the only thing wrong is your perspective on life look at life like the glass is half full not half empty

Answer 9

You have not ... you have learned