My son is 12 and I have never made him do chores.?

Question

It has always been easier to do it myself that to make him or go behind him and "fix" it. I know that I have not done the right thing because he will be "helpless" when he gets out on his own. I do not need advise on what I should have done...I get that! I would like to know what chores you have your children do, what age they are and what they get, if anything for these responsibilities. Do you remind your children to do their chores? What happens when they are not done? Any advise would be great!

Answer 1

You might be very surprised if you ask your son if he would like to assume responsibility for some chores around the house. If you talk to him about it, be sure to explain that when a boy becomes a teenager and wants an increasing amount of freedom, that freedom comes with responsibility.

If he is open to the idea of doing chores, let him chose what he would like to do. When he does the chores, praise his efforts and overlook anything you feel is not accompolished as well as you would have done it. Nothing destroys the will to help more than being told ones best efforts are not good enough. In time, he will find the best way to do the chores he has chosen to do.

From time to time, reward him in some way for jobs well done, but do not do it on a regular basis such as payment for chores. He should look on doing his share as his contribution to the household, not reduce his role to "hired help."

If you encourage him and show appreciation for what he does, he will grow in maturity and will develop self-esteem from the pleasure of knowing he is a valuable and important part of your family.

Good luck! This is an important turning point in his life, and how you deal with the transition from child to teen will make all the difference in the world in his future happiness.

P.S. Twelve is a perfectly good time to start chores. Some families begin the process sooner, but twelve is just fine.

Answer 2

Hi Brandi, Your right. Hearing what you should have done will not help. My suggestion is start small. Your son should be in charge of getting the trash out on pick-up day. Another good idea would be even day-odd day chores. On even days he vacuums and on odd days he helps with dishes or some such thing. When the chores don't get done. Hmm thats a tough one. Hounding and nagging NEVER gets us anywhere. I would leave a note on his pillow with a reminder of how much you depend on his help. Have him keep a record of how many hours he works and pay him 50cents an hour or something. Or you could promise an evening out together, just the two of you, to a fast food restaurant or a movie, once a week. Always except that he will not do it as well as you. It took us a long time to get it right. Just remember to praise his efforts and remind him that you appreciate him. Good Luck!

Answer 3

ok I will not tell you what you should have done. I will tell you something about the "..go behind him and fix it" part though. If he does not do his chores to your specifications, then they are not done. Show him how to do them properly and then keep him redoing them till they are right.

12 yr olds can do anything in the house you want them to do. Dishes, laundry, mowing, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, their room, etc. My sister and I did the whole house inside and out by the time we were 10.

Allowance is a good way to reward chores. However, taking away allowance is a crappy punishment. You need to be willing to ground them first from their favorite activity (and the loss of allowance) and then add their second favorite and so forth. Eventually they get no money, and can go no where nor do anything. This will get any kid to do their chores if you stick to your guns.

At this age he will balk at anything you try and get him to do so you will have to play hard ball.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

My children are now grown but from about 3 they began to have responsibilities. (between 3 and 5 it was basically just picking up their toys and putting them in place) As they grew older they were given more and more responsibilities. At age 12 my son had to mow the lawn, take out the trash and tidy his room. Occasionally I also had him mop the kitchen or wash the dishes. These continued to be his chores until he moved out. Other chores that I did not ask him to do, but he did anyway when needed were, laundry, vacuuming and cooking. My daughter at age 12 was responsible for cleaning and dusting, washing dishes and keeping her room tidy. Occasionally I also asked her to do other chores also. Although they received an allowance they understood that this was not a reward for their chores. We felt that no one should be paid for cleaning their own home. However, if they neglected their chores and someone else had to care for them, they had to pay a fine that came out of their allowance.

Answer 5

Most the the kids chores are personal ones - make their bed in the morning, don't leave shoes in the living room, put their dishes in the dishwasher after a meal, bringing their dirty clothes to the washroom, that kind of thing. Then they earn allowance for taking out the trash, doing some laundry and that kind of thing.

I will not remind them of the personal stuff. If they forget I call them into the room and have them do it. I will not do it for them.

The allowance stuff I'll remind them to do it for a period of time. Then they are on their own. If they want the allowance, they do the job.

Answer 6

I have my 13-year old work in the yard, take out the garbage, vacuum, dust, empty the dishwasher, clear the table and starting this past summer, mowing the lawn. He even cooks dinner with my help sometimes. When he does something very badly, I explain to him what he did wrong and show him how to fix it. But you do have to lighten up here. I know that if he vacuum, it will not be as good as if I did, but it's still a lot better than if it wasn't done at all. And I know he will make someone a great husband someday.

Answer 7

When I was living at home, the kind of chores my mom would make me do were immediate ones that we did together. They were also things that you can't really put off because they need to be done immediately. For example:

- helping to prepare dinner - she would have me wash the vegetables, stir the soup so it doesn't burn, things like that.
- washing the dishes after dinner - my mom would wash them, and i would dry them with paper towels and put them back in the cupboard
- laundry - my mom wants to do the laundry so i have to sort them into darks/lights/socks so she can put them into the machine
- we would rake the front lawn together
- the kitchen trash can is full so my mom would ask me to put it in the garbage cans outside.

My brother was given the task of putting out the garbage cans every week. If it is a recurring chore, I think something that in itself has consequences would be better.

I think junior high/early high school is a good time to start because you should be able to have good enough hand-eye coordination and be tall enough to reach things. It's good to start as young as you are able so that they get into the habit of it. Once your kid gets into high school and will want to go out with friends, he may resent having to do chores more.

Answer 8

At 12 I started doing my own laundry - my mom showed me how the first few times, and then it was up to me to read the labels and be responsible for my own wash.
I also was doing dishes, and unloading and loading the dishwasher by then - right after dinner, before I could play.
Cleaning my own room- vacuuming and dusting was also a chore I had.
Any time I wanted to go out with friends or needed a ride- my room had to be clean, and dishes had to be done.
Laundry monitors itself- when he runs out of clean clothes, he'll get used to it!! Good Luck

Answer 9

My daughter is 8 years old.

She is responsible for:

1. Putting her dishes in the dishwasher after a meal.
2. Helping to set the table.
3. Keeping her room clean.
4. Ensuring her laundry is placed in the hamper.
5. Helping to pick up after a mean.
6. Helping to carry groceries into the home after shopping.
7. Helping with light yardwork such as picking up sticks, etc.
8. Putting away her toys, books and games.

Any and other chores as the need arises and her talents permit.

She typically gets a reminder for things, and in the case of laundry, clothes that are not placed in the hamper are not washed. If there are things she wants to do, she sometimes has to wait until her chores are complete to do them.

You will have to demonstrate and remind your son to do things. It takes more time, but you need to be patient with him AND have reasonable expectations.

He is not going to be perfect, but I believe you can tell when he has done his best and when he is just trying to get by.

You want him to do his best. Doing it over for him teaches him that he can get by. Staying on him until he has done his best (not perfection) is what you are striving for. He will learn after a time, that it's better for him to do his best upfront, than to see if he can get away with things.

Answer 10

first show him how to do the chore ,such as washing ,mopping etc.then say this is how i want you to do it.then state that there is no more allowances just pay for every job that he do ,don't pay him unless he do it right.if he need extra money give him extra work. each small job should be 2.00 and 5 for the bigger ones like mopping two rooms.by the end of the week you should have paid out to him what he use to get in allowance. my stepchild is 9 and hes happy with the set up.