After five years of marriage, I asked my wife for an open marriage, where I would be allowed to have sex with other women. She agreed. I ended up meeting someone who I thought would be just a quick lay, but we ended up becoming good friends with out sex. Then after a few months we ended up becoming sexual. Well that has ended. But through this process my wife and I found out that we are very different from each other in regards to goals, families, values, morals, etc. When we talk we seem to argue. We haven't moved on from what occured. We want to make it work, but can't seem to get there. We don't have any kids. We love each other more than anything. We married young and 'grew up' together.
2007-02-08 06:25:01 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Different from each other in goals, families, values, morals? Why would you want to make it work? How do you live with someone who doesn't share these things which are intrinsic to who you are?
You want to be a player who wants a quick lay with many women and she respects the institution of marriage. I don't care how long you have been together, walk away now. You are selfish and not suited to be part of a couple.
2007-02-08 06:41:04 · answer #1 · answered by realst1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is a hard thing to recover in any relationship. She probably agreed to the open marriage in an effort to make *YOU* happy since 'you' asked for it in the first place. If you really love each other like you say,WHY did you need another person in the mix? I have 2 suggestions:
(1) I would seek a marriage counselor to help try and re-establish a trust , and get to the cause of why you felt you needed an open marriage.
(2) I would try a trial separation for 3 months or so to see if you guys feelings are true and how deep they run. If either of you are reluctant to return to the marriage, then file for divorce before there are children involved.
You guys married each other 5 yrs ago. Go back five years and remember the feelings you had for each then. Did you rock each others world? If you did, find launch pad and start rocking. Best of luck to you in whatever road you choose
2007-02-08 06:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by double_klicks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I spent a lifetime in Vietnam one year, staying alive is hard work.
I spent six months in a jury box once, deciding whether someone lives or dies is hard work.
I have been married to the same woman for 35 years, marriage is hard work.
If you and your wife both commit 100% to your marriage you will have a 50/50 shot at making it a success. Open marriage is not marriage, it dating with something on the side (a wife). You and your wife should probably see a counselor. With some work you may be able to figure out what you really want. Once that is accomplished your question can be answered. Until that is accomplished your marriage will be what it is now: A MESS.
2007-02-08 07:30:05 · answer #3 · answered by gimpalomg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you know each other too well. Maybe what you need to do is to get away and get to know each other better since it seems that you have both been changed by what happened. By the way, you should have never done what you did because you were inevitably going to hurt your wife and I am sure she agreed just to please you but thought that it would hurt her in the end which it did. Now you are both paying for your indiscretion. Can your marriage be saved? Yes, if you both still deeply love each other and want to save your marriage. However, it is going to take committment on your part and hers. One thing is for sure.......you should never think of another woman or see or want another woman except your wife if you really love her as you say you do. If you can't be committed to her fully then it is time to break it off.
2007-02-08 06:33:37 · answer #4 · answered by Lewis P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No such thing as an "open marriage". Marriage isn't just about sex, it's about communication, patience, love, and understanding. Of course you have different goals...you were too young to know what you wanted and in a way it's natural that you would want to see what's out there b/c you haven't had that opportunity. She probably views what you did as cheating, and it's very hard to get past that no matter how strong a marriage is. The weird thing is is that you'll probably still have feelings for one another no matter what, but you still may have to see what's out there.
2007-02-08 06:32:26 · answer #5 · answered by redheadedemt_1972 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that there is a good chance of saving your marriage if you go to counseling. A counselor will help you guys work through the feelinga re the affair and do it in a way that will lessen the arguing so that you will better understand each other. Once you better understand each other and the feelings have been worked out, you can begin to grow closer as a couple.
2007-02-08 06:35:58 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you decided to make it an open marriage, you took away something that was sacred to you and your wife. She probably feels like you cheated on her (whether or not that is true does not matter). Once someone cheats or strays, then trust becomes an issue. Some irreversable damage may have been done. I would say that if you truly want to save the marriage, then the two of you need to go to counseling.
2007-02-08 06:32:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds cliche but you guys might wanna try a marriage counselor. If you both are wanting to save your marriage and/or analyze the situation this may help. You guys could try the things the counselor suggests for a while and if nothing changes then you might wanna consider a divorce but if things start getting even slightly better I'd say you can save it (because it will be hard no matter which one you pick and "saving" it will be incredibly difficult and painful too and definitely not immediate) So counseling might be something you wanna look into
2007-02-08 06:32:20 · answer #8 · answered by Amanda 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of morals and values do you have with an open marriage? You wonder why things aren't working? Marriages like these will always encounter problems because the vows you two expressed were from God. If you can't take those seriously then problems will come.
2007-02-08 06:33:29 · answer #9 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have different morals, goals, values and so-forth, you have absolutely NOTHING to base a relationship on...love alone will not do it...it takes so much more than that...the mere mentioning of you wanting an "open marriage" says to me that you are not very serious about her to start with...otherwise you would not have wanted to look outside your marriage for sex...
I think you need to cut your losses and move on....I think you both will be much happier in the long run...and you can certainly "love" someone, but not be able to live with them....
2007-02-08 06:32:13 · answer #10 · answered by Toots 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋