How do you help someone when they won't help themselves?

Question

My best friend really needs profession help. She has paranoia and delusions and hallucinations. She will argue with everyone when we tell her the truth and how she is wrong. She overanalyzes everything and things everything is about her and her in prisoned boyfriend. I' sick of listening to her about it. Sometimes I think she is doing it for attention. What do I do She is making me crazy?

Answer 1

This sounds exactly like someone I know. They seem to be suffering from Paranoid Schizophrenia. These folks are VERY hard to deal with...as you well know.They perceive their own kind of reality....which obviously isn't right. AND..she won't get help until SHE feels she needs it. Don't bother with an intervention.....that might blow up in your face.

The best thing you can do is be supportive. Don't bother telling her she's wrong....It's already been planted in her mind what she wants to think....and it's going to stay there. You can talk blue in the face.....but her MIND doesn't change...and I DO mean MIND.

I don't want to sound cold.....But it might do well for you to just avoid her. Especially if she has this inmate boyfriend. I'm sure she's gone on in length on how innocent he is. She's run this through her mind a million times in a million ways....and he comes up innocent every time.....just because she can "think of a way to show his innocence".

I wouldn't give up immediately....just try to be supportive without being critical. It's tough, I know, but MAYBE she'll come around a bit....but the percentages aren't in your favor.....sorry

Answer 2

I really don't know. She must be going through a really difficult time if her boyfriend is in jail, and probably if he is in jail he's not a great influence on her to begin with. If you really want to help her, what I would try to do is focus on one or two problems in her life that can be fixed. Maybe it's a different job; maybe she needs to go back to school; maybe she needs to get back in touch with her family; maybe she needs to find religion... find something that you can pinpoint that is causing her stress, and really try to point her in the direction to fixing it. I think that a lot of the time when people start having the symptoms you're talking about, it's just a symptom of having lost direction. If you can guide her towards a direction that may give her a better sense of stability, she might be better for it.

Answer 3

Good luck with this one. I was married to a man for way too long that needs help. He is so full of his own self importance, causes his family heartache around just about every corner and blames them when they react to his selfishness. He refuses to get any type of help and still thinks to this day that everyone else has problems. His own Doctor told him to go see a psychiatrist and he laughed about it.

I don't know what you can do anymore. The only thing I can come up with is, help those who want to be helped otherwise, it's akin to beating your head against a brick wall.

That's how it felt for me, anyway. For you to continue this way will only result in you feeling emotionally exhausted. You need to realise she won't change whilst still in this frame of mind.

Answer 4

If you haven't already, suggest that she go to her regular doctor, offer to go with her. Tell her she will feel much better telling someone outside the situation that will understand, and that her doctor will. If you are close enough, and you know that she's seeing a dr. for anything, contact him and let him know she's seriously ill. Offer to go with her. There is no reasoning with someone that has a personality disorder and it damages your health and relationship with her to try. If necessary, tell her the friendship hinges on her seeing a medical professional, but be persuasive, calm, gentle, understanding, caring or you'll get the same reactions you're getting now.

Answer 5

You can't help them if they don't want help.Obviously she's gaining some kind of pleasure from being this way, or she would invite your help. Until the pain of this overrides the pleasure of it for her, she won't be willing to change. My advice is to extend your help to her, let her know that you'll help her when she needs you. Then leave it at that. When she's actually ready for change, she'll come to you. But if she's still in denial, leave her alone for awhile until she's ready to change. You don't need to be dragged into her world if she doesn't want to help herself. That's not being selfish, you will have done what you could. When she's ready to do her part, you'll be there for her. Let her know that you love her as a friend, but you can't go through this anymore. Hopefully this will make it hit home for her and she'll realize the consequences of her actions.

Answer 6

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do if she doesn't want to help yourself. What you can do is talk to her...tell her that you are worried about her and you want her to go get some help. Tell her that you have to take care of yourself and her behavior is stressing you out. Tell her that you care for her as a friend and which she would take care of herself and that you want to help her do that but if she doesn't do something that you won't be able to be there for her. This is if you do care for her and she is an important friend...if she isn't just cut your losses and stop hanging out with her.

Answer 7

There's nothing you can do except quietly encourage her to stay off drugs, if that's the cause, and or get mental help if that's what she needs. If you are feeling strong enough to hang in there, you can remind her you're on her side and be there for her. If you really can't take it any more, you can always walk away, to save yourself.

Answer 8

I mean you can only do so much. If she is not willing to get some help there is no need to stress yourself out about it. I think that it is unhealthly for you to be around such a negative person if I were you I would distance myself quickly away from her.

Answer 9

it is definetly an attention thing, people who are crazy like that just want someone to listen to them, they dont even mind if you disagree with them all they want you to do is just stick with them and listen to their problems, but if you are not a good listener then I suggest you get away from her.

Answer 10

I can understand your care and concern for your friend. Sometimes, however, you have to cut the apron strings and let them go it alone. Then, perhaps, she will understand how you were trying to help.