Lost love of my life to death.....?

Question

I just turned 30 years old and here's my story.....
I met a wonderful boy when I was in 9th grade. He followed me to my first period class everyday. He'd say, "hey girl, come here for a minute." I'd say, "I have to get to class." One day I stopped and talked to him, we hit it off and ended up together untl his death. I was 20 years old and he was 21. At the time of his death, we had a son who was 1 1/2 yrs old and a 2 month old daughter (now 11 and 9 1/2). Ok folks, he passed away of a seizure on 6/6/1997. I have since had 2 more children (2 & 4) by someone who I'm no longer with, but I still cry sometimes about my two oldest childrens dad. When I think about him my chest hurts and I'm still so hurt. He treated me so well and I loved him so much. He was a beautiful person. His death was all of a sudden, here one day and gone the next. Should I still be this hurt? Will I feel this way for the rest of my life? I'm just not sure if this is normal.

Answer 1

Yes, you should still be hurting, even if the man you loved died suddenly and has been gone for almost 10 years. There are no finish lines in the human heart. It's quite possible that you will, indeed, feel pain when you think about him for the remainder of your life. So, from the point of view of this old man, your feelings are entirely normal. You shouldn't be surprised that you feel this way for so long.
However, I am a bit concerned by the modern idea of morality that is apparent in your message. You had two children by the man who died suddenly. Then you birthed two more by a second man, and you were never married to him either. You apparently love the father of the first two (who is deceased), and you hardly ever think about the man who is father to the second two.
The time-tested way to emotional health is to get and maintain a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Had you done that, you still might have fallen in love with the first man, then married him, and then you might have lost him suddenly. There are no guarantees against mental pain -- even to those who trust Jesus. The hurt from the loss of your husband might have been awful, but you'd have had a more stable mental foundation with which you could deal with your hurt.
You are young, even at age 30. There is still time for you to go to Jesus and explain all your feelings, ask His forgiveness, and vow to follow His advice to the best of your ability. If you backslide, take THAT information to Him and ask for more help. Do these things and you will find gentle guidance in facing life's painful roadblocks.
God is standing by to listen to you as you relieve yourself of a list of human weaknesses and failure. This means that you are a normal mortal. Don't be ashamed, just tell Him why you feel the way you do. You will find help.

Answer 2

Yes you probably will and it is normal when you love someone that much there will always be a part of your life they should be here to fill but since they are not it will always be empty. Today is the sixteenth anniversary of my mothers death and I still feel her loss just as much today as ever. It bothered me because she went quickly to but she had family members that had long illnesses and she always said she never wanted that for herself. It took me awhile to realize but she went the way she wanted quickly. I have other family members that have since passed from long illness and we all agree going quickly is a blessing from God we no longer question. Even though your children do not have their father they can have the wonderful memories you can share with them. With everything that has happened you are luckier than most because you got to experience a great love I hope one day you will be that lucky again.

Answer 3

Of course this is normal... death is a hard thing to deal with esp. if u love them as much as u seem to love him... I bet u compare everyone u try to date to him...It will always hurt esp. when u sit down and think about it.... I understand u have four children but get out and try to have a little fun and meet new ppl...That will help ease the pain... nothing will take away what ur heart feels about somebody believe me!

Answer 4

Sounds like your heart broke in two, one piece filled with memories. The other died with him. You may never get over it, but you'll always no he'll be waiting for you.