Ex-spouse at child's birthday parties?

Question

I would like some feedback on this situation. I am a divorced mother of two who is currently involved in a relationship with a man who is also a divorced father of two. My daughter's 7th birthday is today and I am throwing a birthday party for her this weekend. I have always invited my ex (her father) to my children's birthday parties because he is their father. However, my boyfriend feels that this is not right. He feels that we should lead completely separate lives and throw separate parties for the children. He says that it is confusing to all involved and gives the impression that we are still a family. I disagree, but am open to hearing what others have to say about the matter.

Answer 1

sounds like the new man needs to grow up. you are doing right. rather u like it or not there is times when u have to be an adult. so when ur kids get married u having 2 weddings? see what i mean. i give u 2 thumbs up for being such good ADULTS

Answer 2

Speaking from experience here, I say that you have the party and invite the father...If you have always done this, and then stop, just because your boyfriend doesnt agree, this is not fair to the child, or to either you or your ex as parents. Sounds like your bf, has some jealousy issues or insecurties, and this is normal for the NEW spouse or boy/girl friend, they at times can be very jealous of the bio parents.
I have 2 daughters with my 2 ex husbands, I have always had birthday parties..and invited, my ex's and they usually come or came to the parties, unless there current spouse disagreed...which is so sad for the child. One of my ex's doesnt even call, send a card or anything on our daughters Birthday, and I think his wife thinks this hurts me, but it doesnt it only hurts our daughter.
Regardless of divorce or not, you will always be Mom, and your ex will always be Dad, either you can give your children the best GIFT ever, and that is letting them see you get along, or you can do things seperate, and take the chance of them growing up and not respecting either one of you.
I know this, because one of my daughters has NO respect for her dad or his wife, because they never came around, called or anything...its their fault, and it sad..I did everything possible to make them feel welcome...
But when there is jealousy there, it can destroy...talk to your Boyfriend, tell him, you want Peace and to get along...if he sees, how much this means to your children, maybe he will come around in time.
Yes, you will lead seperate lives, you are divorced, but when it comes the children, and as far as birthdays, school plays, conferences...anything regarding the children...You are still one, you are still the parents...
Trust me...Your children will thank you some day...Mine have.

Answer 3

Your boyfriend's feelings of insecurity should not prevent a 6 year old girl from having her daddy at her birthday party. Sorry but your boyfriend sounds like a self-centered ****** if he thinks a little girl isn't allowed to have her dad there.
I mean, how would you feel if you were 6 years old and 1-had your family destroyed by your parents 2-had some strange man in your life (mom's boyfriend) 3-were no longer allowed to have your dad and mom together thanks to him 4-no longer lived with your own father but had to visit him 5-had this man and HIS kids around all the time. That's what I'd call "confusing"
Hasn't your baby been through enough without having Mr. Boyfriend ruin every birthday and holiday she'll ever have???
YOU ARE still a family-- he's the father! The boyfriend should take a hike.

Answer 4

I happen to disagree with your b/f. People who really need to know your marital situation DO know it already. I think, a civillized way to handle splitting up with someone you have kids with is to have them involved in your kids lives as much as possible. Just because most people happen to hate their ex-spouses and avoid them like plague, doesn't mean you have to follow the same path. Yes, it might "confuse" the heck out of some of these folks that you are both mature, and actually *gasp* GET ALONG WITH YOUR EX instead of being a spiteful ***** or a miserable loser bastard; but is it really a bad thing? I understand that your b/f is probably a bit jealous and possessive of you, and he would prefer your ex-spouse out of the picture completely. Well, this is something you and any person you are involved with need to work out between the two of you. It does seem to be more common that the former spouses want nothing to do with each other, so this is what people are used to, and you shouldn't be too hard on them for not "getting" your way of dealing with the situation. But I personally feel that your way makes more sense.

(I have an ex spouse, too; we don't have kids together, but we are on good terms - 6 years after our divorce. If we did have kids, I would certainly include him in some of the "family functions" like b-day parties.)

Answer 5

You are correct. Why should the child not see her father at her birthday party. When she is older, then it can be celebrated at each place, but for now, having both parents there means the world to the kid. Your b/f will just have to accept that this is how you do it and his ideas that the impression is that you are still a family is just jealousy. You and your ex are your daughters family and nothing should ever change that fact.

Answer 6

I am 17 and If I had two father fiqures I would want both involved in my life. It would be more confusing to have two birthday parties. My sister has a child by a man who she is no longer with and a new husband but both men are invited to the birthday parties and other family functions that envolve the child. Hope this helps. Good Luck with everything and I wish her a Happy Birthday!

Answer 7

Why can't your ex throw a BD party at his place? You should go there, and don't invite your current guy. There is no way you can lead separate lives. Your ex is the father of your children. That's never going to change, and as long as the father wants to be involved, it's his right. It's up to you whether you want to let him in your house, but you can't keep him from seeing his children.

Answer 8

Nothing is wrong with a father being at his child's
birthday . Your boyfriend needs to be more understanding
as he should know that the father is there only for the
child's sake. Just because someone has divorced does
not mean that they are enemies towards each other and
if a child is involved mother and father interaction will and
should always take place in raising that child. Adults need
to be more understanding when involved with someone's
x and you need to talk to your bf and assure him that
there is nothing going on between u and your ex and that
he is always supportive of his child and there is nothing
wrong with that. If you bf can't understand that then
maybe you need a new bf. Good luck.

Answer 9

You shouldn't let the new man dictate what you should do regarding your children and your ex husband - if you have always invited your ex and your children are used to this than why change, just as i am sure the other people invited know you are divorced it is a good sign that the parents can get along socially. your new man must have a bad relationship with his ex but that should not dictate what you should do - you and your ex are still "a family" - you have children together and if you get along for the sake of the children it is to their benefit - tell the new man that you do it this way and that is that.. end it.. let him do things his way with his kids and ex... good luck and enjoy your daughters party...

Answer 10

i am in a his, hers and ours situation.... it is really hard.
i have NO relationship with my daughters father, but the relations between my hubby's son and the mother are strong. (we are in each others lives almost on a daily basis) sometimes we do parties together, sometimes we don't, but the invitation is always out there.
i think that it is important for the kids to see that just because the parents weren't meant to be together that there is still room for human decency!!!! how can we let the children grow up thinking that it is okay to have a kid with some one and then despise them--or keep them away--- separate lives??? BS!! there is no such thing when you have a kid together, because you are sharing the most important part of your life--how do you keep that separate???
your boyfriend may not be able to maintain a relationship with his ex, but i feel bad for his children because of it. if he has girls, i think they will grow to think that men are scum and can't be trusted to follow through and that relationships are a joke.... and if he has boys then they will probably grow to think that they don't have to respect women.... and a woman who bears you a child deserves to be respected.
i hope your boyfriend changes his mentality, but for now you should still invite the ex for the sake of YOUR DAUGHTER--- because she is, and always will be your number one reason for any decision you make. the boyfriend can get over it or move the hell on.

Answer 11

You are right. The child will be better off in the future if they see the parents getting along. It would be hard for the children to lead separate lives. I think he is the one who is trying to confuse things. You and the father are the ones who make the decisions about this kind of thing. If you and he are comfortable being together it is good for you and the kids. Good Luck!