Help us get our marriage back?

Question

We have reached the rock of the rock bottom and just do not see a way out apart from the obvious. Any help, suggestions or advice from anyone who has been through it? We argue all the time, always ends in tears, always about silly things. Its can't get any worse. Have been married for abt 2 yrs. Most of it has been in misery

Answer 1

You think it can't get worse, but you probably thoughtt that a year ago too. If you don't have kids, get out now and save two lives. If you have kids then I suggest some serious counselling and hopefully you don't yell in front of them.

Answer 2

Sit down together with a piece of paper and a pen each. Write a list of 10 things that drew you to each other in the first place. The things that led you to the alter. If 10 is too high, try 5 things.

Then make another list of good time you've had ie. 'do you remember when we did...' or 'do you remember that night when...'.

Then swap lists. Each of you read through them, and maybe have a natter about the fun things you have listed.

Then write another list. Things in your relationship that make you sad. Swap each others lists. Read through them. Then ask each other if lists 1 & 2 were so good, it's worth doing something about list 3. Vow to stay calm. Then discuss calmly.

If some things can be talked over and agreed to, bearing in mind that you will both need to compromise if you're marriage is worth saving, then that's a start.
If at any point you to start to argue, then I'm afraid you don't have much hope. :( Lists 1 and 2 are there to first remind you both of what you had and could have to keep fresh in your mind as you go through list 3.

You must first agree to keep calm. No anger. No tempers.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you... xx

Answer 3

Two years? Jeez, is that all? What was it like before you got married? Were you in love or just in love with the idea of love?
If you felt you really were in love, what has changed?
Do one or both of you feel trapped?
Does the idea of staying with the same person for the rest of your life seem really awful? Imagine, you may not have sex with anyone else, ever again. Are you both comfortable with this?
Arguing over silly things is often just a cover for the serious things that you need to talk about and are afraid to.
I would recommend that you see a relationship counsellor; it helps if someone else can probe your deepest fears. They will help you work out a way of coping with the present situation while you both try to work out what you want.
Above all, be honest with yourselves. If you feel you may have made a mistake, face up to that.
From the sound of it, there is still a lot of love there. If you didn't care, it wouldn't hurt.
I have been married and divorced.
I am in a long term relationship for the past 10 yrs. We sought relationship counselling when we were like you two; fighting over everything; I felt he was drinking too much; he felt I was a control freak. All our rows were about the same stuff. It was really the same row.
Counselling helped us to negotiate a settlement that helped us to live with each other while the counselling continued( we were going for almost a year).
My partner agreed to have drink - free nights at least 3 nights a week, and I agreed to ask him to do things without nagging.
A very small start, but it helped us to talk to each other without wanting to commit murder.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

The keys to a successful marriage is don't be selfish and don't marry someone who is.

Two people that are giving do not spend there time behaving like you two are.

If you argue about "silly thing" (and they truly are not big things) then why don't you try just giving him every silly thing he wants for awhile and maybe you'll get some silly things in return.

Answer 6

does not sound good chick but i have got a plan why don't u start over have a couple of days apart get yourself back together again and do yourself up, the time apart will make u both want each other again and when u cone bk get some sexy stuff and make it a night to remember. and have some time to your self go out have a laugh u and your partner both need it. xx

Answer 7

(((hugs))) There is hope I've been where you're at and am now happily married almost 20 years later. One of the things that helped us was stepping back and making a conscious effort to watch what and how (the tone) we spoke to each other. The other is to try to figure out the underlying causes (is one insecure? does one feel unloved? etc...
Good luck and I wish you a happy long marriage :-)

Here's some advice from Dr. Phil
"Saving A Marriage"
http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/349

Answer 8

"Maybe" the both of you haven't learned to speak each other's love language, and the both of your love tanks has been on zero for a while. There is always hope and marriage is hard work. One of the problems we appraoach marriage with is that we place high expectations on our spouses, and become upset with them when they don't reach our expectations, and then we walk in unforgiveness and bitterness. Communicate with your spouse (notice I didn't say talk "at" your spouse). Communication doesn't just involve talking, but most importantly it involves both spouses listening and understanding what the other spouse is saying. Most importantly pray and ask God to restore and heal your marriage. Ask Him to give you the strength to endure the hard times, and to walk in love towards your spouse. Choose not to walk in unforgiveness, b/c unforgiveness produces resentment and bitterness amongst other things that will destroy and suck the life out of your marriage.

Answer 9

quit keeping score, wake up every day thinking "What can I do to make my spouse happy today", hold hands, hug, don't sweat the small stuff; Figure out why you are arguing over silly things, it's not the silly things you are arguing about it is something underlying....resentment perhaps, financial problems - maybe....figure that out; have a third person, counselor help you two.

Answer 10

we all have to know 1 thing: no relationship is easy. parents-children, sibling-sibling, boyfriend-boyfriend, girlfriend-boyfriend, boss-staff, husband-wife non is easy at all!!
is one of you cheating?is one of you jobless?you guys should both sit down and discuss these problems and accept they will always come and also making a marriage work is not a day's job.
after the discussion both of you should go away seperately for like a weekend or a week and have a rethink about everything and the option that's left.
come back give it your best and believe it will work.
you guys are raising a lot of dust to dissolve your marriage don't worry the devil is very ready to see that its dissolved because he doesn't like anything working out for good.
i believe in you guys to make it work. it simply takes LOVE, TRUST & TOLERANCE to make it happen. Goodluck!!!