My hubby and I have been married for 13 years but 3 years ago we split up. I was unhappy but instead of talking to me, he just left and went off the rails for months; living with a bunch of single guys half his age. During that time I looked after the children and he would visit them now and again absolutely out of his head, it made me mad!
Then he met someone else and told me it was over. I freaked out and fought for him because I knew it was all about the drugs, booze and he was out of his mind - not to mention that I still loved him. I fought for 7 months while he toyed with this other girl and I at the same time. (I know I'm making him sound bad but he was really not 'himself' and I forgave all of it.)
Anyway...it's all over now and we are back together and really happy. BUT I suddenly am having flashbacks and everything now reminds me of what happened. He is so sorry and is grovelling at my feet. I fought so hard and won. What is wrong with me, how do I get over it?
2007-02-08 06:03:21 · 22 answers · asked by zweebob 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow! Thank you all so much, your answers mean a lot to me.
2007-02-08 06:21:43 · update #1
Nothing can help you get over his behavior other than him creating a new track record of good, honorable, responsible, loving behavior. This may take a couple of years for you to forget the pain. You'll never forget, but once his behavior of good choices far outnumbers the bad choices you'll be able to move one. If you're willing to forgive then be willing to give yourself time to heal and him time to show you he's back to being himself.
2007-02-08 06:11:16 · answer #1 · answered by Jilli Bean 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bless your heart. I am going through a very similar situation and I understand completely. I don't really have an answer for you, but just wanted you to know that you're not alone in your situation. I thought I could forgive -- and I guess I have to an extent -- but it's the forgetting that is really the hard part. We all make mistakes, I know that, but that doesn't make what happened hurt any less. Getting over something like this is going to take some serious time. And DO NOT ask "what is wrong with me?" What is wrong with you is NOTHING. You are human and you've been through a very rough situation. Good luck to you, girl. I'll definitely be checking your page for answers because I'm looking for them too....
2007-02-08 14:10:45 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are back together and you forgave him. You will never forget though. Sorry. You have to keep telling yourself that you love him and that everything will be okay. The images will always be there. If you love him enough then try to not think about the past and focus on the future. People do make mistakes, and he made one doozy of a mistake. You fought for him and you won. Be happy and satisfied. Good luck.
2007-02-08 14:14:19 · answer #3 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that he made mistakes. He found a gf, used drugs, and ignored you and the children. That was the past. We all have done wrong things. If he is back and you are happy and showing love to each other, you must forgive.
Forgiveness is not always a feeling. You just do it everyday and it becomes habit. Jesus says forgive others just as He has forgiven you. Just do it. Don't bring up the past. Talk to someone else about it just like you are doing now. May God bless you.
2007-02-08 14:13:45 · answer #4 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go. It's completely normal to have flashbacks of the past the reason you are having them could very well be you never got any kind of reassurance and because you probably kept your feelings about it all hidden. I still have flashbacks of negative stuff that has happened to me because i never got to talk out problems or anything kept it all hidden and your mind will make you pay for that just like mine has. It is going to take along time to forget these feelings. Tell your man that you already forgave him for all he did but you can't forget. Let him know everything your feeling.
2007-02-08 14:15:39 · answer #5 · answered by Momof1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving is one thing but forgetting is another. You must really love him to firgive him fo rall that he did and i understand where you are coming from but i don't think that forgetting is a ggod idea nor do i think it could actually happen. If you really love him that will be enough to help you get over it. But the memory of what happend between the two of you is not going to go away. It's either going to make or break your relationship. You'll either look back on it and say "why the hell did i take him back ?" or "for better or worse".
2007-02-08 14:10:59 · answer #6 · answered by AngelU 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One can really forgive , but never forget: He is back with
you and now things are working out it seems. Everyone
needs to be given a second chance and as long as he
is proving to you that you are the only one in his life and
he is totally committed to you then you should accept that
as you said yourself you fought so hard for him and won.
Since you won then go on with your life with him and you
will see in time that he being what he is to you now is
far better than what he was to you before so move for-
ward and not backward in what happened before.
Good luck.
2007-02-08 21:59:07 · answer #7 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People say to forgive and not forget, but when you forgive someone forgetting is part of the process, however I understand how hard it can be to forget, especially when some situations remind you of the past. Let me put it to you from a different perspective....Many of times throughout our life we have been unfaithful to God (God is "always" faithful to us even when we're not), but when we sin against Him and then come to our senses by truly repenting and asking Him to forgive us, He does so willingly from that point on remembering our sins no more. God's love is unconditional and when we truly repent out of a sincere heart He forgives us and "FORGETS" what we have done in the past.
You accepting your husband back shows the forgiving heart you have after knowing what he was doing. God is the same way, always willing to accept us back with open arms. Ask God to help you with these thoughts and to give you strength not to allow these thoughts to destroy what God has restored in your marriage. Pray and ask God to renew your mind daily....But for him to do that you have to pick up the bible and read it for yourself.
2007-02-08 15:41:42 · answer #8 · answered by unknown 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Theres an old Sandie Shaw song that you may like to listen to. Its called 'Nothing Comes Easy'. Download it from Limewire or something and see if you think this is your situation.
In your situation, you fought a battle with yourself to try and overcome the pain. You may have won the battle to get him back....but you lost the war!. He now knows that you will go to any lengths to keep him. He has the edge over you!.
Listen to the song..the answer is in there.
2007-02-08 15:29:31 · answer #9 · answered by JohnH(UK) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't.............
You just get on with life taking all things as they come.
If you get a flashback then you have to consciously put the bad thought from your mind and think of the good times.
After another 10 years or so, you will know how much better things are and how good you feel. Then and only then will you know whether it was the right decision.
2007-02-08 14:12:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋