Help me please?

Question

Help me please?
My husband said he didn’t want to make love to me last night and then I found him playing with him self and he said it was the first time in a long time he did it. But to day I found a play boy sales catalog hidden in his things. So my question is why would he tell me no then go at him self and also should I leave the catalog and not tell him that I found it or should I be mad at him?

Answer 1

Don't know why I'm even answering this, but I'll try.

Since I wasn't there last night, I can't tell you your husband's state of mind. I don't know what you look like, and I don't know the state of your marriage.

What I DO know, however, is that women just don't understand about men masturbating, just like men will never truly understand what it's like to be pregnant or have a period every month. Here's the facts: Guys do it ALL the time. All the TIME. All THE time. And understand this: You may FEEL it's a rejection of you, but it's not. At least not in his mind.

So, did he lie about how often he does it? Yes, because he's embarrassed and ashamed and doesn't want to hurt you.

That being said, does it make it right? No.

However, men are visual. And with the ease of finding hard and soft porn, especially on the Internet, it's easy for guys to get caught in a cycle of self-stimulation. Does your man stay up late at night on the computer alone? Or any other time of day for that matter? That's a sign that he's surfing porn.

So now what do you do? A couple of things. You could just let it go and write it off as a man-thing. However, that's the easy way out and doesn't address the issue. First off, take a look at yourself. As I said, men are visual. So, do you treat your body as a temple or an amusement park? Only you know that one, and it's no guarantee. I know of a friend (female) who lost a BUNCH of weight, started taking care of herself, and looked like a knockout. Yet, her husband (the big jerk) still cheated on her. But the first step is still to make yourself as attractive as possible to your husband. There's a lot of competition out there vying for his attention.
Second, address the problem gently. He's going to be embarassed, so try to be understanding. Let him know that when he does that, you feel rejected. He probably already knows it, but he needs to hear it. Ask him what would make you more attractive to him. See if there's anything you can do to spice things up in the bedroom. Even simple props and some role-playing can make things very fun. If you don't feel comfortable doing this on your own, then maybe some counseling would be helpful.

Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Listen, it may be that he is a little bored with the sex he is having with you and is trying to make it a little more exciting on his own. He is not cheating on you (unless you consider the playboy stuff cheating which you shouldn't). Stop worrying about "making love" and have some hard core SEX. Do stuff for him you have never done. Give him an unsolicited ******** in the living room (probably after the kids have gone to bed would be most appropriate), let him go at you dogie style, F him like a porn star, etc. Whatever gets him going is what you should do. If you have a good man then get on with it. Life is too short to be shy and prudish. I heard a saying once - "be a whore in the bedroom and a lady in the living room and your man will never leave your side."

Answer 3

Don't get mad this will just create a bigger issue and you'll never get to the bottom of it.
Yes move the magazine this way he will know that you know and it leaves the door open for discussion.
There is something definitely going on other wise he wouldn't be hiding his book{unless you make he feel that it's disgusting or something like that}.Maybe he has a fascination/fetish that he's having a hard time coming to you about. Communication is the key to your question.

Answer 4

DAMN Mama!! Like you when I read your question I felt hurt and worry for you, and of course being the wife, I sure did not know what to tell you, so I just called my ole man at work-and he said to just leave your husband alone, it might just be something he mentally needs to do right now!! Oh and when I asked if you should be mad he said "HELL NO!" Does this make sense to me, or you, well of course not, but as you and I both know a lot of what our husbands, hell men do in general doesn't make sense!! Just so you know, I am 40 married to his @ss, for 12yrs, and he is 53, and trust me out of all the men or women I could ask he would be the best to answer!! So rest assured your husband is just well being a man!!

I just read some of the other posts, and I dunno, I think if you try talking to him you might make him uncomfortable, I mean it is natural ya know? Maybe, approach it like it was a turn on seeing him so comfortable w/himself and just leave it at that, I think if you try to get him to analyze it, then you could push him away!! Playboy, I did not get that that bothered you, personally I like Penthouse, the forum has just some wonderfully erotic true stories!! I just have to say, though I think it is wonderful how all these people answered you so quickly!!! Check out the times!! Kudos to all!

Answer 5

I can't say enough times that comunication is the most important thing in a marriage (or any relationship for that matter). You should definately hide nothing from him and not be angry with him. I can not presume to understand what his problems are, and eventhough you're married you may not have a clue either. You should talk with him about your concerns...he may surprize you and let you in on something he felt he was alone in. Sometimes people act strangely because they feel alone and don't know how to deal with an issue, he may feel by you coming to him that you really care and really want to help him.

Answer 6

Sometimes men want the release of an orgasm without the effort of making love. Maybe they are concerned they can't perform, or their mind is a little strained and they just wanna jerk it and go to sleep without worrying about leaving you high and dry.

As for the playboy - practically all men love naked lady pics. I would think your husband was weird if he didn't. Don't sweat it.

If this is a COMMON problem - then you have an issue. If it's once in a whie - don't even mention it to him.

Answer 7

i think you should talk to him about his lack of wanting to have sex with you.,,,i think every once in a while a man needs to whack off...but i dont think it is exactly normal for a man to pick jerking over making love to his women....and i hear your about the magazine i hate porno and mags like that ,,,my boyfriend already knows how i feel about that,,,he has done good for a while and has respected my feelings atleast not leaving them where i cant find it...but i ran into some the other day...and yes i got pissed only because i have voiced my feelings about them so much in the past.and they are now in the garbage (his choice)..i guess porno is just a way of them not cheating , they just look...difference in my situation is my boyfirned wants me still ALL the time..i am not sure why he turned you down and picked the porn...you guys need to talk! maybe he is loosing sexual attraction for you...thats sad but it does need to be discussed...good luck sweetie..

Answer 8

I think you're blowing this out of proportion. Maybe he wanted a quick and efficient release, maybe he just wanted something different than the norm. Leave the catalog. Is no big deal unless you start getting no attention at all.

Answer 9

Don't be mad at him. It's just a heck of a lot easier to please yourself than to depend on someone else to do it for you, no big deal. I wouldn't be mad. I wish my husband would help himself sometime and leave me the heck alone. I get tired of being poked all the time.
Now, I would be upset about the playboy but not that he touched himself.

Answer 10

Don't tell him you snooped, that will make it worse....talk to him and try to evaluate what is going on. He could be taking the first steps to porn addiction....and you guys need to take care of that before it costs you your marriage. A guy who turns down sex with his wife just to look at porn and get off that way does not have his priorities right.