Are you offended by friends/family racist comments?

Question

Sometimes some of my friends, and even close family, make racist comments (obviously not directed at me) which I find offensive. Being as close as I am to them, I usually just try and ignore it and turn a blind eye, but it's becoming increasingly hard. Sometimes it really winds me up and I just want to speak up and challenge their racist views, but at the same time I don't want to jeopardise our relationship (especially where family is involved). Does anyone else have this problem?

Answer 1

I do and when it occurs in my house I politely tell the offender that it is not allowed in my home, please.

Answer 2

I was lucky enough to be born to a family that disapproves of racism. However, some forms of racism are subtle enough that people don't realize they're reflecting a racist belief (I've caught, rooted out a few in myself over the years). Sometimes I hear something that I get a bad feeling about, but its hard to pin down what exactly was wrong with it, and then how to talk about it, how to convince someone that its real. I think most racism among white people in America is now pretty subtle, unconscious (and sometimes takes the form of self-hatred, like some Germans after WW2).

ever hear the phrase "a little knowledge is dangerous"?
people often think they understand more than they do.

racism is born not out of total vaccuum, but out of *some* experience, from which people draw conclusions that are way too broad, or are a result of culture not genetics.

behavior is cultural. appearance is genetic. a few things - like hairstyles - celebrate elements of both.
Its especially confusing in America, where race and culture are tied together so tightly that most of us don't understand the difference.

One example: in America, talking to a person on the phone you can usually tell what race a person is. In Britain, talking on the phone you can usually tell what their income level is. In most of the world, cultural differences reflect many things other than race.

Answer 3

Yeah, I really am, and, since I know they should know better (every adult should know better), I point it out to them and tell them to shut up. Several of my cousins who grew up in Chicago are somewhat racist (or at least ignorant about racial relations), as well as most of the northern small-town folk I attended school with. Though my grandma is not racist toward Native Americans, she is toward blacks. The prejudices make no sense.

You don't have to start a yelling argument about it, but keep in mind that you're right. You really should pity people a bit for such beliefs. They've simply grown up with and repeated certain ideas that they've never taken the time to think about critically. Simply ask them to explain themselves ("Why do you say blacks are lazy? I don't understand. What do you mean by it?") and they usually won't be able to. Or ask them if they don't agree that that's a sort of crappy thing to say ("That's kind of a rotten thing to say about a person, don't you think?").

Disagreeing with the beliefs of those you love shouldn't jeopardize your relationships. We must acknowledge that no one is perfect; everyone has flaws, some of which are more serious than others. Some people have a rapist murderer for a father; some people have alcoholics, some have mental illness in the family, some have verbally abusive mothers (me). You are a separate person from all your family, and as you mature and go to college and graduate and support yourself and move away, you'll begin to see your family members objectively, through the eyes of other people you know, through the eyes of what is right, and love and appreciate them even for their wrongs. They can't be that bad. They did raise a beautiful person like you. :o)

Friends, on the other hand ... you have a right to yell at them and ask them to shut up, at least when they're around you.

Answer 4

You should speak your mind. Prejudice, racism are born out of ignorance. Teach them something. The hardest thing of being a good friend or family member is to confront the issues with the truth. So, in a gentle non-threatening manner, tell them how you feel about their comments. And also educate them, listen to their ignorance. And then with knowledge and compassion explain to them why they are wrong. Good luck. Ignorance is bliss, one cannot do better, if they do not know any better. So you be the tool to give them the proper, true and correct information. No, I personally would not choose to deal with individuals with such small minded hate filled attitudes. If you remain silent, this may be taken as you are either in agreement with the statement or at least comfortable with it. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 5

Rarely as I am often the one making observations on and drawing conclusions about the attributes and behaviour of various races.
I have a Chinese friend, married to an Englishman and they are among the most racist people that I know.

I see the lefties resort to the old chestnut that racism is born out of ignorance. Reality is far from this. Racism is born out of experience and knowledge. Even a basic knowledge of the history, development, scientific and technological achievements of the different races will cause the thinking person to conclude that there are fundamental and material differences between the races.

Answer 6

I do have the same issue with family relatives who are openly racist. In order to diffuse the situation when i cannot take their comments any longer, i bluntly ask them how they will feel when/if their grand kids (my own children) choose a partner from a different race/religion. The racist comments stop immediately.

Answer 7

When anybody says things that I find racist I usually make a comment.

My comment depends on who the person is....but I don't want my silence to be interpreted as I approve of what they said.

Answer 8

No. I just ignore them. A classic display of ignorance shown
here on Yahoo. Especially the first person on this list...
But anyway, it is because some people, hate their own race.
And themselves too. So they are blind to the truth, and find
it hard to accept.

Answer 9

YOU have a voice too...use it.Tell YOUR opinion.Tell them that they are offending you .tell them that outdated,overdone racism is ending,people are learning that the inside really does make a person,NOT the outside.Let them know that if they want to keep offending you then you'll be forced to leave their presence.You won't lose them, they're family . They may get mad but at least they'll know where you stand.

Answer 10

Yup. My daughter is half Egyptian. My grandfather (Seabee in WWII) continually rants about "the ragheads" at family gatherings when politics come up.

I did finally remind him one time that his one and only great grandchild was a "raghead". He was extremely po'd and my entire family ceased to breathe because I dared challenge him, but dammit I was sick of the ignorance being ignored!

After that event, he has never mentioned "ragheads" again.

Answer 11

Just be upfront with your feelings and then in some way the problem will reach a point where it is no longer an issue!! If they are your true friends they will be mindful of your feelings!!