I don't want this little letter to bother us any more?

Question

Ever since I found the love letter my wife had written to (not sent) her happily married classmate, my mood swings from revenge in the morning to repentance in the evening. Sometimes I wish she had torn it up rather than leave it there for me to find. I told her that I would move out and never see her again . I have been hanging around to lend her some support and get some myself. Her parents are silent and mine are not aware of this affair. I almost broke into tears when she came 1 hour late from her work, as I was thinking the worst case scenario and I walked almost 10 miles waiting for her. She said she called me 5 times but could not get any reply( True, My cell has this nasty habit). I could see the worry in her face. I don't know how I am so much enslaved. I harassed in the past over issues that involved mostly her parents or some extraneous factor and threatend her with divorce, never really intending it and she always said she saw that possibility. How can we get over this?

That letter was written 6 months back and she met this classmate twice after 14 years, when he came to take back his family. We are married for 14 years and have 2 great kids. She says she got the emotional support from this guy on net for 1 year and we were briefly seperated just before his visit. I was even introduced to him at a relative house where she is staying now. But for the letter, she has been nice to me all along though I been bad to her more than once. Her parents are against her because she didn't divorce me. I know I am not a villain and she knows it. I

Answer 1

In the first 5 years of my marriage I did the same thing she did. In one hand I wanted out of my marriage but in the other I did love my husband and did not want to hurt him. But I wanted him to know just how extreme my unhappiness was. I wrote the letter and while writting the letter I had intended to mail it, but by the end I thought of my husband and couldn't bear to do it. But by not throwing it away or ripping it up I guess was my minds little way of letting him know that there was a problem and it was big and I needed him to know with out actully having to tell him.
You need to sit down with her and TALK to her. Don't threaten, scream, yell, hit or fight. If you feel like your going to start throwing out those "fighting words" get up excuse yourself and take a minute or two breather and go back. But the important thing is to work it out. As far as letting it go, That is something you are just going to have to do. I understand your trust is broken with her, but if you want this to last and you truly do love her then you are just going to have to try . Keep talking, Keep talking, Keep talking. You might not get it all figured out in the first few times but it will work out in the end. You must give your heart and sole to her for her to be able to give hers to you. It's hard work, but the riches from it are worth it.

Answer 2

I would really suggest you two seek marriage counselling. IS she willing to work on the marriage? It sounds like you are willing to work on it, and it sounds like you still very much love and care about this woman. Was the affair physical or just through letters? Did she actually have an affair? I think you really should look to talk to a counselor because that is someone who can be an intermediary between you and point out things from an outsiders perspective. Give this marriage a chance and look into it!

Answer 3

Maybe she just wrote the letter to get her feelins out. When was this letter written? Before or after you were married? If it was after, you need to really think about the situation. I mean, what would happen if the shoe were on the other foot. Consider what was going on in her life when she wrote the letter. If it was an old letter that she wrote before you were married, she probably kept it to remind her of that giddy feeling you get when you like someone. (Women have a tendancy to do that). If you have to, see a marriage councelor. Your parents have nothing to do with this. She wrote this letter for a reason. You need to know why....

Answer 4

Did you ever think that sometimes people write things they are feeling to get it out? I mean you seen the letter and read it...which was nonya business to begin with but she never mailed it and the guy is happily married. Everyone has a past and that past doesn't cease to exist just because you are in her life, you have past loves and so does she. You sound like a control freak, careful of threatening to leave because she may just get fed up and show you the door.

Answer 5

I think u should trust more that person u married... and forget the past... is just a letter.. .and if the letter is there .. in a place u can find.. that means she has nothing to hide from u!! dont be like that cuz u can really messed things up.. and for the only one that is not going to work is for u...
spend more time with her.. and talk to her clearly and forget!!! shes with u.. not with the married classmate

Answer 6

Try to separate for some time (few months) and try to make your own way and she will have to do the same.

If after the separation (few months after) she is still thinking about her former classmate so I think you will never recover her, anyway your love has been damaged with this crapy letter.

If she says that she tought about it and that she's in peace with her mind and that things are clear for her, that this is you and not another ... so let's melt together again.

Answer 7

Not on your own - go see a counsellor. Trust is almost impossible to regain after cheating, and you'll need help doing so. Good Luck

Answer 8

Get some counseling and do it fast , I have been there and I feel for ya Brother .

Answer 9

Dude you have SERIOUS ISSUES and need HELP.