I am 9 months pregnant and due any day now, i love my husband very much but he emotionally cheated on me and moved out when i was 7 months pregnant. He has come back home since than but i am having a very hard time forgiving him for what he has done. Everyday i question weather i should divorce him or not. I want to wait till the baby gets here but i just can't get over my thoughts. I don't want our marriage to be over but how much emotional abuse should i take. when is enough enough?
2007-02-08 04:57:09 · 25 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For now, concentrate on having a healthy delivery and enjoying your newborn. The time for big life changing moments can come later. You already said you do not want your marriage to be over, so that is a hint to you to how you truly feel. Concentrate on one thing at a time to avoid making the wrong decision for your future.
2007-02-08 05:05:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
From Dr.Phil;
Dr. Phil believes most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until 1) you have turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible, and 2) you have no unfinished emotional business.
Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.
You need to ask yourself:
What was your marriage like when it worked?
When did it go wrong? Why?
Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage over?
What do you want?
What is it costing you to be in your relationship?
Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?
What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?
Divorce Readiness Test:
"You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."
Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.
Ask yourself:
Are you still in love with your spouse?
Are you hurt?
Are you scared?
Are you angry?
Are you confused?
If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do.
2007-02-08 05:07:52 · answer #2 · answered by me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pregnancy can put a lot of stress on a relationship. If he is back home with you, forgive him and continue the marriage. He may have just needed some time to contemplate his new responsibility. Being an expectant father and the feeling of not being able to provide are very stressful. Been there, done that. Be patient and see what happens.
2007-02-08 05:38:42 · answer #3 · answered by eyeofra1969 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both need marriage counseling so you can work through your anger and your husband can realize what he has done. It is hard enough to be uncomfortable and 9 months pregnant in a good marriage, but hang in there.
Even though you are expecting, I would not delay finding a marriage counselor. When the baby arrives you both will depend heavily on one another and be sleep deprived so tensions will be high.
Do not rush into a divorce, you both should go to counseling and work through this - the marriage can be saved.
Good luck.
2007-02-08 05:06:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, having the baby around will certainly improve everything --- NOT.
Honestly, what does having the baby have to do with his behavior? It's not the baby he is cheating on and abusing - it's you. Do you think he's going to suddenly become an angel when he sees the kid? BZZZ - wrong.
Did he suddenly become this way, or has he been this way for a while - especially before you married him? If he was, why did you marry the guy and get pregnant by him? I am not being rhetorical - I would really like to know. Do women actually look at abusive men and think "here's a project I can work on, and my amazing love will transform him" ? Or something else? Forgive me if I sound trite or unfeeling but I simply do not get it.
Anyway, I'd end it. Cheaters are usually life-long cheaters. Your emotions are going to be swinging wildly post-delivery anyway. Why add more stress and drama to the mix with him around?
2007-02-08 05:04:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
get marriage counseling and do what's in the baby's best interest, which I'd say would be having both a mother and a father living under the same roof.
It's not emotional abuse-- the man made a stupid mistake. Don't be another divorced mother. Don't make your child pay for your husband's stupid mistake.
2007-02-08 05:12:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take you some time for forgive him. If he continues to emotionally abuse you, you need to have him get some help and decide exactly what he wants. He may change once the baby is born, but don't continue if he doesn't. Kids do not need to see parents fighting and yelling all the time.
2007-02-08 05:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a very emotional state right now. The hormones from the pregnancy are running wild Please do not make any decision now that you may regret later. I definitely would suggest some sort of counseling, though. I'm not sure what you mean by "emotionally cheating" on you - but prehaps he was frightened facing the responsibilites of being a father. (granted, certainly no excuse) but I'm sure you both would benefit from counselling!
2007-02-08 05:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by wild_orchid_tx36 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He EMOTIONALLY cheated on you? What does that mean.
And what, exactly is the abuse?
Can't really advise if you don't give specifics.
But remember this, you are pregnant, you have hormones raging through your body. I am assuming this is the father of your child - therefore you have a rather permanent relationship with him, marriage or not.
I suggest you seek the services of a competent marriage counselor.
2007-02-08 05:02:21 · answer #9 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you are having a baby with this man and you do not want the marriage to be over, stay the course. Go to counseling together to deal with the emotional issues.
2007-02-08 05:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋