Babyshower question?

Question

My sisters and my mom are throwing me my baby shower, but I've been involved. I wanted it that way so that I could have the babyshower I've always wanted. I didn't have too many chances to choose anything for my wedding, thanks to my overly involved MIL. Once I told my MIL the date of the shower she was totally shocked that I knew anything about it. She said that the mother to be is not supposed to be involved and it is supposed to be a surprise to me and now my shower is ruined. I explained to her that I wanted to be involved, but she still insists that she could have done it the "right way". My question is, Is this a tradition that I'm just not aware of? Should my shower have been a surprise to me?

Answer 1

Oh my gosh, of course it doesn't have to be a surprise for you. Back in the "good ole days" it was a surprise because, face it, it was simple and ABLE to be a surprise back then. Nowadays, women have extremely busy schedules, have their own opinions and ideas, work hard, take classes, have outside hobbies, go out with friends, etcetera etcetera. All of this is just magnified by pregnancy. An expecting mother cannot be expected to have no life as to just be able to show up at any random time for a random afternoon at a random locale. My best friend is 4 months pregnant with her first child and she, her mother, and I, are heavily in the midst of planning her shower. She is completely in the know; how else would I know who she would rather not have attend, what sort of color scheme she would dream of, the type of invitation, and any other random aspect of the shower? A baby shower is a day to commemorate the upcoming birth of your child, an experience that is all your own, how dare someone feel like you should have absolutely no say in how this special celebratory occasion is formed. Now, I'm only 18.. so yeah, what do I know. However, I'm just putting in my two cents.

Answer 2

Is your MIL Marie Barone??? If it makes you feel any better, my best friend and I planned my baby shower together. I am the one that handed out invitations to my own shower. The feedback that I got from people was very very good. I knew what I did want and what I didn't want to go on at this shower, so I would not have done it any other way. I was also given a surprise shower by my younger cousin. Although it was a nice gesture, it just re-emphasized my decision to plan my own the first time. I think you should pull your mother in law aside and explain that it is YOUR shower and you want to be involved in it. Usually mothers only get a shower for their first baby, and you just want to make sure this is an occasion you will remember for all of the good things, instead of all the bad things. Hopefully she will understand. If she IS Marie Barone, she will probably just ignore you and criticize your cooking and cleaning abilities, lol.

Answer 3

Traditionally for showers (bridal and baby) the bride/mom-to-be generally does not throw the shower for herself...mainly because a shower is a party where guests are basically expected to give gifts. The reason you don't throw your own shower is so that you' don't seem to be saying "I'm having a party so come and give me presents!" However, this is an old fashion tradition I think. And it doesn't sound like you are planning and throwing the shower by yourself...your mom and sisters are basically throwing the shower...just because you have a hand in it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong! Your mother in law is just trying to make you feel bad because it's not her party to throw (aka she's not in the spotlight getting the attention and doing things her way). It sounds like she's just upset that it isn't her way...

It's your baby shower, there's nothing wrong with having a hand in it!!

:)

Answer 4

Your MIL days will only get worse from here. No baby showers don't have to be a surprise. What surprise any way your pregnant with your first baby are you to believe that no-one ill throw you a shower. Ignore this and many other things I am sure you will hear out of your MIL mouth and enjoy your day. I baked the cake for my shower because I wanted a specific cake I make and my siter in laws who threw the shower asked what I wanted I told them. They admitted they couldn't make it right so I made it and they decorated it. Guess what the day was still tons of fun.

Answer 5

I don't think the shower should be a surprise at all. Your MIL is obvoiusly very traditional and old fashioned. I don't think your shower is ruined at all. Don't worry about what your MIL says. I'm working right now with my mom, sister, and step mom to plan my shower. I picked the location, and will be helping with the game planning and door prizes etc. Besides, I think most women expect a shower, and wouldnt truly be surprised if someone told them they were going to throw one.

Answer 6

Usually your family has you the shower and it is a partial surprise; you know a party will be held since you are pregnant. I don't see anything wrong with your involvement in your own baby shower. The party is still going to be special because you don't know what the gifts will be. I would not worry about what anyone thinks, the day will still be special. Good luck to you and your family!

Answer 7

Not tradition! Only if the ones giving the shower want it that way. I gave my daughter a shower, she knew about it ahead of time. Any baby showers I've been to, the mom to be always knew!

Answer 8

it can be a surprise, or not a surprise. There's no traditional baby shower that i'm aware of. I guess a lot of time co workers have surprise showers, but not family usually.

And i think it's great that you're involved. It's your baby, and you're shower. and you want to be.

it's a great time to lay down the law with your mother-in-law. jsut think of how bad she's going to be after this baby gets here.

Answer 9

Your shower should be any way YOU want it to be. Your mother in law is being a rag.

I threw my best friends shower and I didn't surprise her. How else was I going to be sure to invite everyone she wanted - and to get their addresses to send out the invitations?

Answer 10

Well technically you are not suppose to know.

But it sounds like your mother and sister must have known how you felt about your wedding being taken over by your MIL and thankfully included you in the planning.