Identity crisis...what do you suggest?

Question

My life is turned upside down. I don't know who I was all these years and I don't know my friends like I thought I did. I don't know how to face truth head-on. I feel like a scared little kid. I'm not sure I really "see" things for what they are and I want to bury my head in the sand. My life didn't turn upside down, it's always been upside down and now I'm at the end of the line.

Answer 1

You are not going crazy and you don't need a shrink. All the answers you need are within yourself already, you just have to listen to yourself.Alot of people go through identity crises. Usually they happen because you haven't been living your life the way YOU truly want to. You've been living it the way someone else has wanted you to. And you've lost touch with who you REALLY are and what YOU really want in your life. I went through this as a teenager. I was made fun of very cruelly in middle school because I was quiet. My sister was popular and had always been Mo'ms and Grandma's favorite, so I tried to change myself to be like her.I was still depressed, though, so I lacked her confidence. Then as high school progressed, I was taken in by the punks and drug-users. I started dressing like them and listening to their music. I thought this was me for about four years. But inside I was torn between my longing to be accepted, and my natural pull toward who I really was. But this me seemed chidish, too brainy, immature, boring.I feared losing my friends. I was going through a constant inner battle with myself. I was trying desperately to get rid of the old me. I turned to acid and ecstasy because it was my only escape from reality. After I graduated I began to start relationships. I became pregnant and the father left me. My old friends and I had nothing in commonbecause I had a child now, so I rarely saw them. I was alone and left wandering who I was. I went through rel;ationship after relationship, each one failing because I had an inability to get close to people, out of fear that they would see the true me, and leave.Because after all, this me was the one who was made fun of for all those years.It wasn't until I met my current husband that I began to break free from this identity crisis. He truly loved me, and I was determined to make this work. So I started trying to let my true self come out. This was hard in the beginning because I was so used to pleasing others, saying what they wanted to hear, forcing myself to be interested in their interests. It took about two years of our marriage before I finally found my true self again, and I've never been happier. And our marriage is very strong. Maybe your story isn't like mine, maybe you haven't been living a lie your whole life, but maybe you are just at a major turning point in your life and you're starting to realize that the way you've been living isn't what you want anymore. You need to find who you truly are again. The way you do this is by listening to yourself and what makes you happy. What makes you happy is who you truly are. It's what everyone truly is. Move away from those things that will not make you happy, things you do in your free time, who your friends are, even your job. Move toward those things that will make you happy. If it's beyond your control, CHOOSE to be happy anyways because that's all you CAN do. You have to think about what your values are, and what would really bring you more joy. Weigh the options. I would love to travel the world and be a photographer at the moment, that would bring me ultimate joy. But I have 3 small children and 2 stepchildren who need me. My joy of being a mother to my children outweighs the urge I have to travel, so I choose to be with my kids. This would bring me ultimate happiness here and now. Does it make you happy, or does it not? Use this to determine who you truly are again. Life seems so dang simple when you put it this way. Spend time alone with yourself.What do you want to do at that moment? Go do it.Whether it's getting out and bicycling through the neighborhood, drawing, reading a book, going and watching that movie you've been wanting to. Do this every now and then, when you have a little time to be alone. Think about what you would really love to do at that moment, and go do it. The more you do spontaneous things like this, the more you'll begin to remember who you are again. It takes time. But just remember, move toward those things that bring you happiness, and away from those things that don't. And don't care about how others view you. This is your life. None of us want to be old and having regrets about the way we lived our lives. Always move toward happiness, and you'll have no regrets. I hope I helped, and if not I apologize, but maybe I helped someone out there. Good luck with your life.

Answer 2

Firstly, I highly recommend you see a professional psychologist. You need to talk about all of this with them, because you do not want to delve deeper into depression and risk harming yourself and others. There are people that value your life and want you to be happy and well, so the first step is taking care of yourself until you can get past this.

A psychologist will look at some basic things to see if this is simply a situational identity crisis, or if there is a deeper psychological root (schizophrenia, multiple personalities, repressed childhood trauma). Don't be scared to talk to a psychologist, we understand and we can help.

Second, you may find it comforting to find someone in your life now that can be a shoulder to cry on, so to speak. A parent or sibling is usually best as the bonds of family are hard to break. If you don't want to speak to a person you know, find an anonymous support buddy, which is easy on the web these days.

Just remember, you are someone, you are worth something, and you have people that love you whether or not you realize that. You need to see a psychologist to ensure that you can be well and happy, like you deserve to be.

J. L. Oneske, Parapsychologist

EAST COAST GHOST CONFERENCE
MAY 26 & 27, 2007 ~ ROCHESTER, NY
WWW EASTCOASTGHOSTCONFERENCE COM

Answer 3

You need to turn your life rightside-up. You can do so by using some self-help books from the library, by practicing meditation, by concentrating on exercise and a healthy diet, by walking a lot in the daytime and getting fresh air, by keeping yourself aware of current events and the news, by getting enough sleep.

If you feel that you need to see a doctor for therapy or medication, get going--sometimes it really makes you a different person. If you are feeling super-down, you can even go to the emergency room.

Get away from the people who you feel made your life upside down. Move out of town, if necessary (after checking yourself out with a doctor).

Good luck, you can turn your life around. It does take work, and sometimes the help of others (friends, family member, doctor, therapist, etc. - and/or medication).

Answer 4

I recently got over an identity crisis. You need to find out where you fit in this world and a psychologist can help. Mine helped me in ways that I never dreamed he would. Things happened in your life that you didn't plan on and now you need to come to terms with them. Find out why they happened, accept them for what they are, and go on from there. Life is good after you have put things together in a way that makes sense. I'm not sure what you mean by, "I'm at the end of the line," because I'm not sure where that is for you. I wish I knew how old you are. For me "the end of the line" was 19 years old. I wasn't ready to be an adult; I hadn't planed very well what my next steps would be, but I didn't really like just sitting around and watching things happen to me as they happened. I had to make things happen-but what? Really I should not have thought that I needed to be so reliant on myself. Other people can help make decisions, but you have to decide eventually what you want to do. Make a plan that will work for you and things will feel right side up again.

Another thing I have thought of is that it is a possibility that you may be actually younger than I am instead of being in middle adulthood as most would assume. I knew a boy who was around ten once that discribed his life in almost the exact way that you did. He was lucky in a way to find out as soon as he did that his friends were not as loyal as he thought. Discovering that he was betrayed was may of not felt good at the time, but I believe that the result was that he was able to make some much better friends. Think of how his life might have gone had he settled for those losers all through his teens and never got to experience real friendship until adulthood (if then)! But I believe that as long as you still have some time left in your life in order to get your life more like you would want it, it is a good thing to realize that your life isn't the way you want it. It is unfortunate that I don't know enough about you to make more specific suggestions. The most important thing to do right now is to have hope and start creating a better life for yourself.
As for me, I'm on my way to some kind of career in psychology. I'm working on my B.A. and I know that I am closer to a life that I can be satisfied with than I've ever been. I'm thinking about ways that I can help myself and others like me. I have accepted my Asperger identity (the truth), and therefore, I feel, internal problems are less likely to hinder me so much in the future.

Answer 5

Take the next few days to examine your life in detail. What patterns do you notice? What do you admire in others? Whjat kind of person do you want to be known as? What would make you proud and glad to be alive? These are your goals and the things that you will structure into your life gradually.

You know that this won't happen overnight and most of us spend our whole life working on ourself. Do you want to be known as a man of integrity? Then work at all times to be honest and to say what you mean and mean what you say. Be careful about who you choose as friends and intimates. Are they worthy of your trust? If they are worthy over time, then do whatever you can to preserve that relationship.

Nobody escapes this life unscathed without pain and burdens. I think many of us are "scared little kids" inside - I know that I am still that way at 41 years old with three children of my own! Life can be scary and downright hard to bear sometimes. If you have faith in God and in the goodness of other people, that will take you far in your journey.

All you can do is take baby steps toward the person you want to be. Remember one thing........... Next year you will be one year older whether you do something about your fears and life or not. You have the rest of your life to become the person you admire. Take it from today and move forward. Every little effort you make will make you feel better about yourself and your position in the world. Failures will not diminish that. You WILL have failures along the way - that's just how it is. Don't beat yourself up over them, just go forward from that point.

lastly, lean on others. There are truly good people out there who want nothing from you - they're your guides, let them help you. Then, someday, you will be able to give that gift back to another person by being a guide for them. THAT is the meaning of life - to act as a guiding light for each other and help each other through this journey called life.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 6

you are not at the end of the line! you are at the beginning of awareness and going to be moving forward with insight and self awareness. it is hard right now but that will pass. Friends can disappoint you trust me we have all been through that and i have found over the years that having one true friend is worth more than 10 decent ones. Make a list of what you want to change and what you are scared of. You do see things for what they are because you are writing about things that bother you :) It is ok to take a break , recouperate and find a close friend or relative that you can count on in order to talk. talking with a professional is also recommended. life has peaks and valleys and you are at a low point right now but you are on your way to making it better. sounds cliche but it is true. take one day at a time and try not to project what is going to happen or the what if's. deal with the here and now and you are on your way to change. good luck.

Answer 7

Don't do anything. Let the identity reveal itself to you while you go about doing nothing for a while except keep body and soul together, like eating when hungry, sleeping when sleepy etc. Start bserving yourself as closely as possible after a day or two. In about eight months (that's how long it took me - once), the natural you will start surfacing and you act on those, and pretty soon a natural rhythm will emerge, and you're on the road. Your road. All the best.

Answer 8

Yes to most of the Answers! Embrace this crisis as a new opportunity to be incharge of your life! Get into a support group who can cheer your change for the better! So much of our old group are invested in keeping us the way we were! Not maliciously usually, but we provide some emotional needs for them. Individual and group therapy--but must be quality and established--gives the person the best opportunity to grow, I believe! Religious groups can certainly help some, but for me, they, too, are "selling" their own beliefs and needs. Ideally, for me, was to find/develop my own life frame of reference and new experiences.

Answer 9

You are so lucky- imagine having this revelation on your death-bed!!! Take a deep breath, and start evaluating yourself and how you relate to others. Don't do anything rash to burn bridges with those who you are close to, but tell them that you feel like you need to explore yourself and need a little space. Then start figuring yourself out from there- good luck!

Answer 10

I agree with angelmiss you need to find out who you are.... and you might want to see a counselor who can help you get on the right track again..Dont worry just ask for help and someone will hep you find the way home..

Answer 11

regrettably, I actual have heard of this detrimental ailment. this would be rather like Anorexia in some procedures-nobodyelse can see the misery those all people is suffering and have self assurance that they'd desire to "pull themselves collectively." psychological discomfort including this, is plenty worse than actual discomfort-the ideas is a wierd beast and, in assessment to a minimum of a few thing like a actual ailment, in basic terms the sufferer of such an ailment can understand what this is prefer to have a continuously chattering ideas. i think of they'd desire to take transport of scientific care, yet I do think of this condition would desire to be acknowledged as an ailment; till that occurs, victims of that is going to go through in silence, till they lose the source of their discomfort.