He has done it all and i kno i can do much better, but my brain tells me one thing and my heart tell me another. I luv this person, but how much more deception can i take from some1 who has hurt me so much, yet i still give this person a chance to start over. Dont get me wrong i have changed so much, but for the better. I kno what i did wrong in the relationship and i c what i did to push him away so far, that he made it true. So what can i do if we are both open with each other 100%. Can we really be a happy family ?
2007-02-08 04:21:20 · 26 answers · asked by Faith23 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The unknown is scary to everyone. Being with him is comfortable, so it's hard to give that up. Right now you are probably worried if you leave him you will never be in love again. The right person is out there for you. Someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Be brave and see what else life has to offer.
2007-02-08 04:31:15 · answer #1 · answered by KayGeeTX 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard question to answer. I am in the same boat but I have not decided to give him another chance. I think you want some reassurance that you two can work things out. It would be nice if we all had that. Things would be so much simpler. Maybe you want to hear that others have worked things out. I am sure some people have worked through even the worst of problems and made a happy life together. Others have fallen apart over things much less troublesome than your problems.
You have to ask yourself are you staying because you are scared to make it on your own, scared you will not find love again or Do you really still love this person and willing to work hard to make things work. The easy answer to do you still love him might be yes but really stop and think about it. Sometimes people have been together for so long that they forget why they loved the person in the first place. They just accept that they love him. It is what their brain is used to. What does he do for you? When does he make you feel special? Remember he has to work at things also. If you are the only one willing to compromise than it is time to let go.
Good Luck I hope you make the right decision!
2007-02-08 04:35:04 · answer #2 · answered by Karen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All l can say is listen to your brain. It's usually much smarter than your heart. Your heart is telling you to live by your emotions, your brain is processing all of the information you've derived from this relationship, and telling you the SMART thing to do. I'm not saying it's easy, but look around you. You're sure to see that decisions made with your heart aren't always the BEST decisions.
If you are convinced that you can make it work, and think that you both can be 100% open, there's a chance. But be prepared. It is not going to be easy and it's impossible to change the spots on a leopard. Good luck to you. I hope you find your happiness.
2007-02-08 04:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have just gone thru a divorce. It was years of many chances. Partially because I loved him, partially "for the Kids". Once I was not in love with him anymore I knew it was over. But this is a process and you have to go thru all the steps. If you are questioning if you should then I think you are not ready to give up, especially if you still are in love with him. If it works, super, dont listen to what other people think. If it dosent then you will be one step closer to not second guessing what you should do and move on. As far as making it work I have found that you need to not re hash the past and concentrate on the NOW. Dont bring up old stuff and try to get past the anger of what he has done and the guilt of what you think you have done wrong. Go into it like from this point on its all new. Whats done is done and try to remember the reasons you do love him. Good luck.
2007-02-08 04:32:22 · answer #4 · answered by CR M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? Chances are, no. Once you have broken up, you experience all kinds of regret. You will believe the words you are told because you want to. The familiar is always so much better than the new and different.
Be objective. Without emotion. Is he the kind of person you can trust and love? If the answer is not a resounding yes, without reservation, cut your losses and move on.
Your friends and family are objective...and they probably see the situation for what it really is. They care for you, and see that you are clouded with emotion and can't make a good decision. Listen to them. Move on. Life is too short to spend it playing games with the wrong person.
2007-02-08 04:33:11 · answer #5 · answered by Super Ruper 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound good. You are not giving your ex another chance, you are inviting all your woes back in the door. You are completely blaming yourself for the break down. Unless he has really changed, which I kinda doubt, he is going to guilt trip you all the way to another separation. The way that he is going to be open with you 100% is by reminding you of all the wrong that you did. Think this through thoroughly. Sounds like you are heading for the same end result.
2007-02-08 04:37:34 · answer #6 · answered by Sherilynn B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're the one that knows your situation better than anyone else and you're the one that has to go through all the consequences of your actions, not your friends or family. I've lost friends and family for involving them in my marital problems, but I'm glad I listened to my heart because I did what was best for me despite what they all said. They all wanted me to leave my husband and thought I was crazy to be with such a young man that is in the Army too, but he's the best thing that ever happened to me though we've had adjustments to go through. A good marriage takes time and work. You and your ex are just working through your trials and if you decide to work it out, all the more power to you and you both be happy! Yes! You can be a happy family.
2007-02-08 04:35:18 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you can be a happy family. You have to remember that no one is perfect. We ALL make mistakes. I gave my boyfriend several chances also, now we are talking about marriage. Understand that its not going to be easy because you have to build your trust back up and that's not gonna happen over night. Only you know if this guy is really serious this time. If you see he's continuing to do the same over and over this time, then maybe he's not the one for you. Love yourself more. Move on. You can do bad all by yourself. But I don't fault you for giving him another chance, besides you do love him and I know you would love it if he were serious this time. Time will tell.
Good Luck!
2007-02-08 04:25:47 · answer #8 · answered by qtea4real 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your question and what you say that follows does not fit together as far as I can see, so I will simply answer your question.
It is no ones business what goes on between you and your husband and how many chances you choose to give him.
That said, are you making it their business by telling them the business of you and your husband ? That is not right either.
I feel that the advice you get from everyone as you say is well intended and you might do well to at least consider the warnings.
The final decision is yours & so are the consaquences.~~~Jill
2007-02-08 04:37:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jill ❤'s U.S.A 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lmao. first of all you do not even know what love is if you use the word in the same sentence as hurt. no it's called codependency not love. you can work on your codependency issues either with a councelor or through god. you are in a relationship thats not based on honesty and trust it has zero chance of working and you are wasting precious time in your life. listen codependency is not a good thing and you will always have the same issues no matter who you are with if you do not get help.
2007-02-08 04:29:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋