My friend and her fiance are getting marriend soon and have some things to work out. How do they do this?

Question

My friend likes to learn, and when she tells her fiance, he replys "I don't care." He thinks she takes the fun out of things by talking in depth about them. He is also hippocritical when they are argue. He lectures her when she gets worked up, but when he gets worked up there is no reasoning with him. I believe he has an issure with with not being in control, or feeling like he is inferior, and the way he reacts to an argument puts him back on top. My friend and her fiance are getting married in August and I'd really like to see the two of them work it out. Does anyone have any advice for me friend? How does she get her fiance to understand what he is doing to her and their relationship? How do you get him to be more mature and resolve a conflict rather than ignoring it?

Answer 1

Councilling. I can't see your friend being completely blameless. I believe marriage takes work from both parties. Marriage counciling. Either from the church (which I recommend) where they are getting married or with social services. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

I feel that there is no "magic trick" to make anyone change their ways. The best policy is always to accept the person as they are, and realize that this is most likely the way they will continue to be for a very long time. If your friend and her fiancé have such drastically different ways of communicating, they will most likely continue to talk "past" each other, as each one of them feels that the other person needs to be more "mature", and change. Each person has the strengths and the weaknesses. The wisdom is in steering the relationship away from potentially "dangerous" situations. Your friend can still learn and think "in depth" about things, but it would probably be wise for her to not burden her fiancé with excessive philosophising; she could keep a journal, or talk with her friends. However, if she has an insatiable need to connect with her mate on the intellectual level, and to share the learning and the thinking - she is most definitely marrying the wrong man.

Answer 3

Honestly - this sounds like it isn't going to work. They need to be able to mesh together, to support each other and not let the other one fall.

He makes fun of her, ignores her, stifles her...she needs to get out. You stated that he has an issue of not being in control. That is a sign of an abuser. And it will most likely only get worse in marriage. She needs to take a step back and a time out. See a therapist by herself.

The time leading up to a wedding should be filled with bliss, love and an eagerness to spend their future together. That doesn't sound like the case here. And he's not going to change unless he wants to - no one can force him. If it's not working now, it's not going to work in marriage.

Answer 4

Doesn't sound like they're well-suited to begin with...if this "friend" is you...seek life elsewhere. If this is truly your friend, then all you can really do is watch. People chase after what they want until they can't get that bad taste out of their mouths, and nothing you do will change that. It sucks, because you want to help, or protect a friend...but they don't listen until enough is finally enough.

Answer 5

They need to put the wedding date on hold until they work this out. Things will not get better after the wedding! Sounds like they are a mismatch to me.

Answer 6

they need to attend a conflict resolution class at a local church and even go to pre marriage counseling. If they cannot work things out then they should not even marry to begin with.

Answer 7

Better warn your "friend"...things don't change just because you're married. Actually...they get worse & a lot harder to deal with.

Answer 8

they should go for pre-marital counseling----