My husband and me had a fight because he never shows affection then last night I was alittle depressed sure it was late but I said can I have a hug, then he yelled and said I was feeling sorry for myself well sure we been married 15 years but I still need some affection. I do not have any friends, plus my family does not contact me and actually I need someone to talk to, but everyone thinks I feel sorry for myself, what do you think?
2007-02-08 03:46:24 · 52 answers · asked by may s 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ask him if he truly still loves you? Tell him you are going through a tough time right now and it'd be nice to be able to lean on him. Even if you've been married 15 years you shouldn't lose that love and respect for each other. However, men can be pretty stupid and heartless sometime - I think it's the testosterone (spelt wrong I'm sure) that makes them nutty. I find "tricking" them into what you need is the best way. Ie: talk about something you know he loves and get him to laugh along with you and find that moment that brings you both together. Hold on to those moments. Guys aren't usually really good in those "emotional" moments so get him in another situation that will get the support you need. Maybe it's time for you to join a gym or something where you'll meet some people you can share time with. It can be a tremendous burden for some people to be the only crutch. Good luck though, keep your chin up and get doing things you enjoy and be happy to be alive!
2007-02-08 04:17:40 · answer #1 · answered by daff73 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it seems like there are a few things going on here. And that some of the problem lies with your husband. I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself, I think you're lonely. Which since you have a husband of 15 years, this should not be the case! He is obviously settled into a life where he feels he does not need to show affection anymore. But that is wrong!!! It seems like he feels he's already won the prize, so why keep trying? Again, this is wrong. A woman needs to be told how beautiful she is everyday! How important she is in someone's life, how special she makes them feel, that she is a best friend and a lover. And you shouldn't just be told these things, they should be shown to you through little acts of kindness or through affection or by body language! He needs to pamper you-cherish you-and love you for the person you are and the woman he fell in love with 15 years ago!
And you need to do your part as well. And by this I mean don't just sit there and let your life revolve around his!! Get out and meet some people, make some friends!! Try to contact your family, if you want to talk to them. (your phone doesn't just receive calls, it can make them too!) If getting in touch w/family is not feasable, then try to make friends with neighbors or even online!
No one deserves to feel they are doing something wrong just because they want a hug!!!! Stand up for yourself and do what makes you feel good!! And next time your hubby wants some affection, tell him to quit feeling sorry for himself....and just let that be that!!! Good luck!!
P.S. And in case you still need it, i'm sending you a hug right now!! grrrrrrr!! ;-)
2007-02-08 04:06:34 · answer #2 · answered by LuckyDawg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your situation. Yes, EVERYONE needs some affection and a good hug can usually do it for me. My wife and I hug whenever we can. We never pass up a chance to say "I Love You", because it can't hurt anything and it actually helps. Hugs and a little affection goes a long way. Always hug and kiss each other before going to sleep. Never go to bed mad at each other. You never know if something will happen during the night and a person would regret not taking the time to hug or say I love you if it would have been the last chance that you had to say it to each other.
I wish you well.
2007-02-08 03:53:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a crying shame...
Too many people zig when they should zag, if you know what I mean. Last night I think your hubby did just that. He could have just given you a hug... something made him go the opposite direction. The problem is with that thing that made him do the wrong thing.
Certainly your DH shouldn't have gotten mad at you. Of course, nobody should ever get mad at anyone (when you really think things out), but we do... because we are human. But also people ought not get sad, either. Not mad or sad! But knowing this will keep you from sadness.
Know this, like yourself, your hubby is trying to get through life doing the best that he can. Maybe he's not equipped to be helpful to someone with your needs. He might need some help getting to where he needs to be.
I would suggest some couples counseling to sort these things out.
Now in my case I have a wife that give me no physical support. Like your emotional needs are neglected, my sexual needs are neglected... I think your chances of getting a solution are far better than mine.
Best of luck to you.
James
2007-02-08 04:13:46 · answer #4 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's a hug from me to you. No-one should yell at their spouse for asking for affection, I bet he doesn't yell at you if you ask for sex!!! I wonder why you don't talk to your family? Does he isolate you from them? If so, please reach out to a family member or women's shelter ASAP. If it's been 15 years and he has lost his "lust" for you then you should try counseling.If he won't go with you then go by yourself! If he fusses at you for that too then something is definitely wrong> more wrong then you think! Here is a hug and don't worry, it's only human for a person to feel down sometimes and when the man you love pushes you away, it's only going to get worse. Maybe see a doctor and get on anti-depressants for a while and see if that helps. Sometimes though, men don't know how to deal with emotions, definitely not their own, much less, a woman's!! Good luck honey, I'll be rootin' for ya:)
2007-02-08 04:02:37 · answer #5 · answered by justwondering 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation with my husband lately. He is very cold lately towards me. I think that my husband has a lot of stress at work right now and that is why. I have been trying to be supportive. Maybe something like this is going on with yours. I also moved to another state for his job away from all of my family and friends and it can be very lonely so I understand. I think that you need to get out and make some friends and find a good friend that you can vent with. This is what I am working on too because it is very lonely when you dont have someone to talk to. I hope things work out for you.
2007-02-08 03:53:44 · answer #6 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have an insensitive husband. and he needs the same treatment from you. See how he likes it. What is up with your family? Why no contact? Life
is too short to live life the way you are. You are the only one that can change it. Grow a back bone and lay down the law to your husband. Tell him how you feel in a serious voice. And tell him if he does not like there is the door. You can find someone who will appreciate you and like you for who you are.
2007-02-08 04:10:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(You are right, sunflare6...) Your husband is a kind of person who doesn't like to show his affection anymore after 15 years. I am so proud of you for maintaining your marriage for 15 years in life with him.....Try to cook his favorite for breakfast, lunch or specially dinner ready for him when he gets home and do not say anything to make him mad...do not forget to be pretty all the time for him and go to the beauty saloon where to enjoy yourself, to relax and to feel good about yourself by doing the make-over. Appreciate your husband and tell him that you are so proud of him for always there with you for 15 years. If he looks tired, then say to him "You look so tired, honey" while touching his back gently and then do the massage. Have more time for him because maybe he is also wanting that from you. Try to think back many years ago about what he liked most about you and do it back for him to make him happy until you will see his changes. Just be patient to wait that changes and do not forget to pray about it.....If you are doing that for one month and he is still the same, then he has a problem and you need Dr. Phil for that for free help and advice! Good Luck and God Bless your marriage, love and happiness!
2007-02-08 05:03:02 · answer #8 · answered by Susanjbb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my wife asks for a hug, I say, "Sure!" and give her one immediately. I cannot imagine yelling at someone for asking for a hug. And so what if you ARE feeling sorry for yourself at the time? Everyone feels sorry for him/herself once in awhile.
Later edit: I don't see how length of marriage has anything to do with it. I have been married 20 years, and I still like giving and getting hugs and affection.
2007-02-08 03:50:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your husband is insensitive! Sweetie you need to get out with people. One person can't fill all the needs we have. You need to interact with other women and make some friends. Start taking classes in something that interests you. Join a bowling league, softball team anything at all just to get out there. Of course you're depressed, you're alone and lonely. Contact your family if they don't contact you. You need to make a change. Sit down and make some decisions that are good for YOU and not to accomodate someone else!
2007-02-08 04:18:22 · answer #10 · answered by mjm52 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋