About a year ago a married women approached me on more than a friendly basis. She fell in love with me and I fell in love with her. We have not slept together but over the year have become best friends. She is currently divorcing her husband. Over the year she has verbally expressed her feelings towards me and has always said that she would want to be with me and only me when she left her husband. I held on to these thoughts over the last year. In the next couple of months she will be separating from her husband and I have told her that I would be there for what ever support emotional or otherwise she required. Since this is definate that she is leaving her husband she still has said she cares about me but at this point in time cannot see us as a couple. She is a mess right now and I know I need to be there as a friend no matter what. I guess my question is and maybe some people who have recently gone through a divorce can help me. Where do I fit into this picture?
2007-02-08 03:33:01 · 8 answers · asked by lettinggo2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to wonder if she's been using you as a crutch to get through this. I mean she's been interested all along until now, right? I think maybe she's feeling very mixed up right now, and you should just be the friend she needs you to be, and go from there. Expect nothing but friendship and you won't be crushed if something more doesn't happen.
2007-02-08 03:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is BIG!!! Well, believe it or not you are a very small part of the picture at this point. Simply because her marriage IS in fact ending or has ended. So no matter what we may think ,she is experiencing a loss. Like a death if you will. With her figuring out what's in store. Her life for ever how long was set while she was married. Even if it was abuse. It was what she knew. NOW she has to adjust as an unattached woman. Give it some time....and offer an ear ONLY. And sometimes people should remain just friends. I wished my husband and I did.
2007-02-08 03:46:53 · answer #2 · answered by louloutee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has thought some things through and has changed her mind. It's not good to go from one relationship to another like that. She needs time to mourn her years together with her ex and accept the fact that she has to go on without him. Even if they had the nastiest divorce ever, they had a life together and possibly children once.
Give her some time and just be there for her emotionally if you want to. But I wouldn't expect anything. If you keep bringing up the love thing, it's going to turn her off and she'll start avoiding you. You have to ask yourself if you can be just friends with her for the rest of your life, also.
2007-02-08 04:07:49 · answer #3 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needed a physical object (you) back then and derived her courage to initiate a divorce. Same scenario with a man having another woman. Technically, you have been used, love or not love. She got confident that she was still desirable. Morally, you are a homewrecker (that is you in the picture). If she has kids, they will hate you. You have been the convenient target for her husband and children to lay blame.
2007-02-08 03:44:40 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never make a move on her right now is too soon she is just geting a divorce..Be a friend don't matter what..And maybe something good will come up from that friendship but keep your options open, Because a person can't be waiting for a who knows will come up from that posible future relationship...If ever happen to be one...
2007-02-08 03:40:47 · answer #5 · answered by nena_en_austin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you become a couple, try to keep in mind that while she was married before she "fell in love" with someone else. Sounds like a reliable spouse, right?
You played a part in the ruining of her marriage. Way to go, champ.
2007-02-08 03:44:56 · answer #6 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she will need someone after the divorce, she clearly states she wants to be with u, she has to get the divorce first before she can be with u. sounds as if she counts on u for emotional support, but is waiting till after the divorce so she can be with u.
2007-02-08 04:00:24 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Some arrogant, domineering Godless "Christian" men have perverted the word "submit" in the Bible. The Bible tells husbands to submit to their husbands, too. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and died as a substitute for the church. God never said husbands were to be a father figure to their wives. They are to be equal partners putting the welfare of each other as the highest priority. They are to serve God and help each other and use their God given talents for Him and for each other and their families. God said people who lord over others were not godly. Those who were the servants of others where the greatest in His kingdom. What woman wants to be degraded and married to a domineering authoritarian condescending father figure? Would that make her feel loved or want to give love in return? No. When God says to submit to your husband it means he is your greatest priority after your relationship to God. These kinds of people are misogynists and use religion as an excuse.
2016-05-24 06:48:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋