why doesnt my wife make love anymore? we havent for 5 months now going on 6....I ask he and she tells me the sae thing everytime...."I told you I want you to be nice", so then when I am nice NOTHING! how does that make me want to be nice? what is her problem? is she cheating on me?
2007-02-08 03:21:01 · 24 answers · asked by Syd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is a really long time. Sounds like there are bigger problems. Either she doesnt like the way you do it, or she has a hang up. Try TALKING
2007-02-08 03:23:52 · answer #1 · answered by cici 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like she is harboring another problem. You might want to try and just sit down and see whats going on. She might have a problem at work that is taking alot out of her. She might have a problem with you and is just holding off telling you what it is.
The lame excuse of you being nice is probably just her way of trying to get you to do something. Make a romanitc gesture and keep going at it. Just because you are married doesnt always just mean you get sex at any point of the day. Women still want to feel they are desired and wanted and to be chased at. I know its stupid for a guy to hear that women still want to be chased but its true.
Just talk to her. Ask her why this is happening and if its your fault or hers. If she wont open up then step up and say marriage is about communication and sharing. If you cant handle either then maybe some marriage counseling is the ticket.
Good luck.
2007-02-08 03:40:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you say you are nice, are you only nice before you are expecting to have sex? You should put some extra effort in doing little things to help her out to show her you appreciate her. Men and women are very different in how they define a good marriage. Men measure the success in their marraige by how often they have sex, where as women measure with feeling appreciated and romanticized. Believe it or not even cleaning the bathroom or folding laundry every now and then is a big turn on (no we dont want to watch you bent over cleaning the toilet to get our jollys, but when we see that you have taken extra effort to help us around the house that is what turns us on). At the end of the day when we dont have to do nearly as much house chores as we are used to we aren't as tired and have more energy for between the sheets! Flowers and suprising us by setting up a babysitter with the kids so you can take us out to a nice dinner and comedy show is also a big turn on!! Hope this helps!
2007-02-08 03:39:03 · answer #3 · answered by GIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she says "Be nice" it doesn't mean to only be nice when you want sex, or your nice for 10 minutes and think that covers it. Be nice all the time, help around the house, TALK to her, be interested in her when you're not in bed, tell her she's pretty, ask about her day. If you are doing all of that and not getting a result, then maybe she has lost interest in you, or, yes, maybe she is cheating. Time for some investigation on your part. Try asking her what her problem is with sex.
2007-02-08 03:29:39 · answer #4 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have a hormone deficiency. More specifically, a lack of testosterone that may be affecting her sex drive. If she is on any anti-depressants, i.e Prozac, Effexor, Lexapro, they have a track record of decreasing the urge as well. As women age, their sex drive naturally decreases as well. There are a multitude of reasons for the lack of interest, they don't all have to be a sinister as cheating. TALK with her, ask her if she would see a doctor and let him know what is going on. Sounds like her excuse for you not being nice is just a way for her to put the focus on you and not address that it might be a problem within her. Be patient and I hope the two of you can work it out.
2007-02-08 03:36:11 · answer #5 · answered by shea_jr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No she is not cheating on you. What is her problem, YOU. If she has to hold out to make you be nice, you need to do some major changing. Does she work outside the home, do you have children that she has to take care of, give the girl a break, she cooks, works, clean, takes care of the kids, does the wash. Maybe she is tired, help her out, do stuff for her because you love her, and don't expect a night of sex.
2007-02-08 03:32:12 · answer #6 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is out of line. Her withholding is selfish and does not demonstrate love. The best thing to do is to try and win her over by your kindness. Smile at her when she walks into the room. Give her genuine compliments without expecting any thanks or response. Don't say anything negative to her or about her to anyone (try this for at least a day). Become a little elusive and mysterious. Do small (or big) acts of service for her. If you demonstrate your love 100% then it will only put her to shame that she has not done the same and may prompt her to change.
2007-02-08 04:16:33 · answer #7 · answered by Cookie Connoisseur 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duuuude hey I know you wanted only women to answer but I felt the need to say something too. ive been married 15yrs went through the same crap.sat down talked with her told her she needed to change. another 5yrs went by nothing i went without sex for 5yrs. I guess what I am trying to say brother is dont let this happen to you. get on it if she doesnt respond see someone if nothing its time. dont be me and let your life pass you by. I ended up moving out moving back in and now its the same ****. I cant get past the hurt she made me feel even with help? sex is not to be used as a tool its suppose to be fun. if she is telling you be nice to me or else thats total crap. what happens when you have a kid? Its only going to get worse. No brother fix it now before it gets to that point!! I feel for ya man good luck
2007-02-08 03:42:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't work this way: you are nice - so, please, get sex immediately.
It's not a bargain.
You have to change something about yourself, about your acting, about your attitude. Think and talk with your wife openly - what she would like to see from you? Let her know what you want and make her open up too. Do not let the situation goes silently. Talk, ask and answer!
Do you know your wife at all? Do you know her dreams, her sadness, her happiness??? What is her favorite color, food, flowers???
Read books about women and who they are. Educate yourself. Do not be just like a senseless, cold rock on the road. Be creative and loving.
Find out how to make her to feel a joy of loving you.
2007-02-08 03:38:58 · answer #9 · answered by Bella 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be, could be not. I don't know if I could sleep in the same bed night after night with my spouse and have them act like I don't exist. I am a sexual being, and love to be treated as such. Have you wife tell you what's going on with her, and if there is a problem, she needs to get help before the marriage goes down the tubes. I always say that sex and lovemaking isn't enough to make a marriage, but it sure is enough to break one.
2007-02-08 03:36:57 · answer #10 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
for women its emotional reasons when they close off intimacy, doesn't mean she is cheating, you would notice other behaviors, her schedule, etc etc. Are you mean? why would she say "I want you to be nice?" uh that is kinda weird, is there more to this? If you are an *** 95% of the time, and the other 5% you want some booty, good for her, I wouldn't give it up either, but if this is not the case, communication is the only answer. Men need this closeness, gives them a sense of purpose, of being needed and satisfies their sexual appetite, for women they are more emotional about sex, and intimacy, she is not feeling that emotional closeness to you, so she doesn't feel comfortable with intimacy, sounds like theres more to it
2007-02-08 03:36:30 · answer #11 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋