Why wont my husband just let it go??

Question

Hi i am 24 yrs old and just about to turn 25.I have been married almost 2 yrs now the first 6-8months of the marriage were the only good times i can think of where not everything was a fight.I have a daughter from a previous relationship who is 7 yrs old and he hates her dad my highschool sweet heart who went to prison(5 yrs) for a crime committed while we were still in highschool. He was driving home from a party drunk and hit someone killing them.I wrote to him every once in a while and sent some photos of his daughter.When he got out of prison he wanted too see his daughter so he is paying some form of child support he visits on the weekends only to take her out for a special breakfast or lunch .My husband wont stop acting controling and possesive of me .Even though i have explained more than once nothing is going on with my ex. and i?He also refuses to go to therapy?

He also has taken to saying bad things about my ex. to my daughter and will not allow her bio-father to enter our home.I dont understand nothing i say seems to make my hubby feel better?Dispite my minimal contact with my daughters father?

My husband does not have much of a bond with my daughter to begin with and he is only recently trying to form one.

Answer 1

I guess we all have jealousies and insecurities at times, so it's understandable that he feels the way he does. What is NOT understandable is that he tries to make this man look bad in front of his daughter. That is inexcusable. No matter how much he hates it, this man is your child's father and always will be.

On a separate note...why are you even with a man who is not wanting to form a close bond with your daughter?

This man needs to seriously grow up or get out.

Answer 2

I see nothing wrong at all with this situation.Sounds like your husband is worried you and your ex are going to hook up again.no matter what he did this is still your daughters father and your husband knew this when he married you,maybe he thought your ex would not come around ever again.He is paying and just takes the child on a small excersion,he shouldnt freak out at all.Your husband is having insecurity issues and taking them out on you.He just doesnt want the life you guys had before your ex was released to change.Plus maybe he feels like your daughters father and has helped to raise her alot and now just doesnt want this interruption. Why does he HATE the dad so much?Did he know him too before? well anyhow this is not a good situation for anyone and im sure the child senses it all very much too.He wont go to therapy so the only thing you can do is to try to reassure him over and over.try to talk to him as much as you can and see if you can get him to admit his real feelings.This should not even be that big of an issue,maybe try to tell your husband what is important in the big scheme of things and how this fighting is destroying your marriage. Good luck

Answer 3

he is insecure and feels this man is a threat because u have a child with him. he needs to get some therapy or the marriage will not last. he certainly would be happier if the child's dad were not in her life. he feels that maybe u may still love him. control is a form of abuse, never makes for a happy marriage when someone is making all of the decisions and all of the rules. just makes u hate them. if he refuses to go to therapy maybe u need to give him an ultimatum, by telling him this is not how u want to live and maybe u may have to take a different path in life if he won't do anything to help the marriage.

Answer 4

Based on what you've said he's just very insecure (and I'll assume there is nothing that you're doing to make it worse) He needs to understand that your daughters dad will always be her dad and nothing can change that. Your husband has to be able to respect that and not talk bad about "dad" since it's showing a lack of respect to your daughter and this will only get get worse as she gets older ... which will be a big road block in his relationship with your daughter and will surely make your relationship even more strained. Patience and understanding are necessary to keep things in check. Talk when everyone's in a calm even state and try to explain it when there are no upsets in action. Good luck

Answer 5

Your husband may feel threatened by this guy.

It sounds like your husband feels he is some what more Superior than your ex.

He should not force his feeling about your ex onto your daughter, that is a dirty trick to do.

He does need counseling.

He needs to stop this adolescence behaviour. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help him he needs professional advice.

Every parent whether male or female has a right to see there children.

You ex has paid his dues regarding the accident.

I think that maybe you should consider a trial separation for your husband if he is not willing to take upon himself some sort of counseling, otherwise he is going to continue confusing and scaring your daughter and making you unhappy.

Good Luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 6

Men are just like that! Mine has a problem with my ex. It's like we're married already, but for name sakes, we're getting married in a couple of months.

You just gotta keep telling him! And then let it be. Tell him how you feel about his sillyness and that you're disappointed that he isn't more understanding. tell him you love him and wish he would love you back the way he use to. These words generally hit a chord with men, and maybe he will see the pain he is causing you.

Good luck my friend, and God bless.

Answer 7

Your ex has every right to see his daughter and its selfish for anyone to keep them from bonding. Talk to your husband again about therapy or see if hes willing to change if not hes probably not worth keeping around. Your daughter needs to be in a healthy environment. If you're happy w/ your ex get back w/ him. Some men never treat kids right that aren't biologically theirs and that's not fair for you or your daughter. Why stick around and be miserable if hes not willing to change?

Answer 8

tell your hubby to shut his mouth. the one thing you never do is bad mouth a parent when they are not around. i have respect for your ex since he is trying to form a bound with his kid. your hubby has serious trust issues and he better get help or this will get alot worse. your still young and don't need this crap going on in your life. tell him if he doesn't change and change in record time you will leave him. sounds to me he wants it his way and only his way. just remember your kid comes first and if she wants to see daddy then let her and if the hubby gets mad then tell him to "f" off. i wish you the best and i know how tough it can be trying to raise a kid with someone who isn't on the same page with you

Answer 9

he's afraid, it's a strong hold someone has on you when you have their child, unless you had something done to you that makes you really hate them. and i mean hate. like you can't talk to them, you can't look at them, you can't even think about them without feeling hatred. you aren't at that point. he is afraid that you will try to get back with him for the sake of your daughter. trust me, i have been the husband, it is very very hard. you two have a past that he can't even compare to. just remind him that even though your ex was in your past, he is in your future, and he doesn't have to worry about you two.

Answer 10

he is old enough to think that your daughter must to see her real father, he must to trust on u, and tell him u are the best in my life, why i leave u for one just was in jail... make him feel that he is special to u, not to be angry or fight it's not good for u both.. calm down and act with him like he is all the things in your life... the valentine is near go to spacial dinner when your daughter is not with u with her real father... make it up... listen to him always act with him like a baby u will be happy
good luck