To tell or not to tell?

Question

Our children are 11,6, and unborn; my husband and I are both in our 30's.
We tried for 19 months to have baby #3, fertility treatments and all. I'm finally 5 weeks pregnant, Praise the Lord!

The problem is this... when I was pregnant with my son 6 years ago, my mother ruined my baby shower and really made us miserable with the way she acted towards my husband because they'd had an argument when I was in my first trimester. So do I tell her I'm pregnant, or wait until I absolutely can't hide it any longer? She lives 30 miles away and I pick her up several times a month to go shopping, but we don't HAVE to see her that often. Should we share the Joy of this new life with her NOW, or make her wait????

Answer 1

If she is going to be awful I would not want her to be a kill joy so I say wait at least a while and maybe talk to her and tell her how much she hurt you 6 years ago. I am an advocate of waiting till you the second trimester to start telling people anyway! Good Luck and Congratulations on your pregnancy that is wonderful!

Answer 2

I had the same problem with my first child and my mother. Yeah she is your mother, but you are a grown adult. She should have not faught with your husband at all especially since you were pregnant with your second child. I think you should enjoy ever bit of the pregnancy with you and your husband. You don't have to tell her. She ruined it that other time she can do it again. Still go shopping with her though like normal. Mostly cause she is your mother and will and should always be there for you and because if you stop going shopping with her she will know there is something your not telling her.
Later in the pregnancy when you start to show you can tell her or let her figure it out for herself. When She finds out and begins to have a fit, stop here before she starts. Tell her you wanted to enjoy the pregnancy without anyone arguing and without any negativity. By the time you are showing I would think you would be in the second trimester. Let her know how far along you are then, and make her understand that any stress and negativity from her can effect the baby (her grandbaby). If she doesnt do as you wish here and make a big deal of it, wait till she has time to cool off. Don't go see her, and dont call her. Wait till she comes around. If she calls and argues tell her that you want to talk to her only if she goes by what you want and what you think is best for the baby. then hang up.

My mother was horrible during my pregnancy. My mom use to tell me what to do and I was afraid to speak up for myself. But I had to otherwise she would have controled everything.

Answer 3

I would wait to tell anyone until you are past the three month marker. That way, if any complications arise, you don't have to let anyone in on the bad news either.
Let your mom know.. there would be more anger and disappointment felt by her if you don't tell her. How would you feel if you're child didn't let you know that he/she were pregnant? Not sure what the problem was in the last pregnancy, but maybe the three of you could sit down and discuss it in a mature way so that no one gets hurt, or upset (especially important for you) Good luck with everything!

Answer 4

Make her wait and then just tell her that you didn't want to tell her about it until you were sure that every thing was okay with the baby. That will keep her from getting ticked about you not sharing it with her right away.
You're a grown woman!!! You need not worry about making her happy!! You're perfectly capable of taking care of yourself and your children. Don't pay attention to a darn thing ANYone has to say that might make you feel bad about anything in life ~ much less having a baby!!!
This is wonderfull news!! Congrats on finally getting pregnant again!!! I pray that everything goes well with the baby and that your mother will be mature about the situation.
I just wouldn't tell her until you feel you can't NOT tell her anymore.

Answer 5

Sounds like a "sticky" situation. A lot of people like to tell everyone right away, and some like to wait a few months. I think in your case you should wait a little while longer, your mom should be happy for you and excited that she has a new grand baby on the way. With all that you have been through I wouldn't let the stress of having to tell her get to you, for the sake of you and your baby.

Answer 6

Find out if your mother has gotten over whatever it was that made her and you hubby fight the last time you were pregnant. It may be all water under the bridge now. If not, then just tell her like others have suggested, but lay down the law that if she acts up, you'll limit your contact to stop her from causing you stress!

Answer 7

If you think she will make things difficult, wait until you just can't hide it anymore. If she asks why, remind her of how unhappy things were when you were pregnant before. This should be a time of happiness for your family, if you feel she will put a damper on that, don't tell her until you have to. Congratulations!

Answer 8

You have the right to tell her whenever you're comfortable. Even if that means waiting awhile...However, she may become upset with you if you do wait a long time...and feel resentful that you didn't tell her sooner.

Try not to let her ruin your pregnancy with her pettiness...let her know that you are pregnant and if she has any negativity then try not to spend time with her!

Good luck!

Answer 9

Dear,

Pregnancy is a gift from God. So, share your happiness with your mother and if she does not like the news, do not let her behavior make you sad,OK. Do whatever makes you both happy. Children are the hope to our world.

Much blessings to your life, my dear.

Answer 10

It will be worse for your family if she is delayed in finding out. It'll make it look like you were hiding it.

However, you may want to bring up not-so forgotten feelings about that baby-shower and settle that issue before you mention the new arrival.