my husband has not told his children that we are married, it's been 5 months, what does that mean?

Question

Guys opinions are great so if you have an idea why please answer. women what do you think is going on, is he ashame or what.

Answer 1

Why did you marry a man who hides things from his children? Makes me wonder what he's hiding from you.

Answer 2

Just for the sake of answering - I'm assuming that the kids are either:

1. Old enough to live on their own

2. Living with their mother or other family member.

To all those who say he's ashamed - shame on you! That's most likely not the case whatsoever.

There's a lot of stress on parents who remarry who have children, no matter what their ages. Have you ever met these kids before? There could be more going on then meets the eye. Perhaps they've been really judgmental and even cruel to his previous girlfriends. He may not be telling them to spare you having to deal with them.

There's also the possiblity that he's afraid they won't approve. They are still his kids, no matter how twerpy they are. He might fear that they will judge him and break off contact. He probably wants to maintain a relationship with them and fears them disowning themselves from the family.

Get the history of his relationship with his kids, and what they are like. Most likely it's fear, or protecting you, that's keeping him from telling. Don't automatically assume the worse.

And I wouldn't advise going to tell them yourself. That's only going to fuel the mistrust between them and their father. When he's ready, he'll tell them. Even though you're his wife, it isn't your job to step in and tell them. Actually, this kind of situation isn't that uncommon. Talk to him and find out what his reasoning is.

And make sure he knows that you support his discision. That will help open up communication. Don't make it an empty promise - stand by him no matter what he decides.

Answer 3

Doesn't sound like he's ashame but more afraid of his children reactions. Maybe he's trying to shield them from being hurt or something because you aren't their mother.

Either way, he has to tell them. You should be there when he does, so that you can present a united front. Let the kids know that you will love them and be available if they want to discuss anything.

Answer 4

Why has he not told his children about this yet? Maybe he is afraid to tell them because they might not want to accept you yet. This will take them time and even though he should have told them by now he may be waiting to see when a good time is. Talk to him and see why he has not told them and tell him how you feel. Offer to be with him when he does tell them. I dont think he is ashamed at all.

Answer 5

if your not the mother of his kids then he is just being causious. it doesnt mean hes ashame. it means simply. He doesnt know when its a right time. Suggest to him. that you both tell him together. that way. the kids understand from both sides. Also exsplain to the kids. that your not trying to take their mothers place because that seems to alot of times be the problem and what children are thinking. but at the same time exsplain what step mom means and suggest to the kids.. What they should call you untill they are ready. and if your husband still doesnt want to tell the kids. ask him why he hasnt been telling them. you to just need to talk. Communication is the best. Honesty is the best policy.

Answer 6

My girlfriend is kinda going through that.... Real reason he didn't tell anyone in her case is that he is fighting her with child support. I mean he pays way to much!! He can't live off what he makes after child support so advise my a lawyer he has only been paying half.... he didn't want his ex to know about the ring and the wedding cause she could use that against him saying he DOES have the money and is blowing it on the new wife.
Could it be something like this?? Money involved??

Answer 7

Depends on how old the children are, how long you have been together before getting married and how do you know for sure he hasn't told them? The best person to ask this question is your new husband.

Answer 8

I am surprised that they weren't at the wedding also. I would have insisted that they met me even before the wedding. He is the only one who can answer that question. I would like to think that if he married you he is not ashamed just not sure how to tell them now that you're married.

Answer 9

I have Children, and if they found out there father re-married, they would be devastated. In a childs mind they would think they are losing there dad. New wife new family. Now that you are married to a man with children, it is time for you to think how they would feel.

Answer 10

This is weird! For some reason he is hiding this fact from them do you have any idea why? Ask him what is up with this. I would be very hurt if I were you. Are these young children or older? Tell him that he needs to tell them now or you will do it for him.