What do u think of this poem??

Question

War of the Nations



What is with all the violence?
Doesn’t every country have a chance?
To try and fix the wrong they’ve done
Instead of fighting it with a gun

So many people have died
Making peace no one has tried
We need to try and be friends
And with each other’s wounds we’ll cleanse

All the pain and suffering is getting too strong
I’m not sure the innocent can hold on too long
We are ripping families apart
All the bullets are penetrating like live darts

I believe in helping restore another place
But all this confusion has caused us a wild goose chase
No one remembers why we are fighting
All the suicide bombers are now igniting

They think all they need is a perfect race
I don’t think that we will be able to change their ways
They have taught their children that the thing to do is hate
Change them now? No it’s way too late!

rest of poem on details

I wish they’d understand we are there to help
But they are just worried about making another whelp
They think if they kill all of our men
That they are going to be repaid by Allah in the end

Well God is not one for violence
With every death you’ve made him wince
He doesn’t like to see his people go through pain
He doesn’t care how many casualties that you’ve gained

In the end he will be the one to judge
No matter how many you kill, his decision won’t budge
Why can’t you see he loves each and everyone?
Not about how many “unworthy” you’ve killed with your gun

Answer 1

Well, this may not be the most popular answer, but hopefully it's helpful.

Judging the quality of a poem is very subjective, and a lot depends on who its audience is, and the purpose for which it was written.

In the case of this poem, I'd say it was meant as a personal expression on a topic - more like a journal of your thoughts and feelings. And, from that point of view a poem is hard to knock - it's your feelings after all. I like some of your thoughts, and really get a clear feeling of your frustration. From that standpoint, the poem works.

The other side of evaluating a poem is more technical.

Someone else mentioned your reliance on a traditional form - regular quatrain stanzas with an AABB rhyming scheme. There's nothing at all wrong with this form - but it requires a strong sense of meter to be effective. Your poem does not have any formal or regular meter to it, which puts it at odds with the formal structure that it employs. This can be an intentional, and effective choice by a poet - but with your poem it seems less than intentional.

Also, effective rhyming involves more than just tossing out words that sound similar. Some of the rhymes are not actual rhymes at all - which, again, can be an intentional and effective choice, but again appears to be more haphazard than planned. Another answerer praised your successful use of rhyming - I think that it could have been more effective.

None of this is to put your poem down - I think it's admirable anytime someone publishes their writing for others to see - but rather to point out that there are technical aspects that could make it more powerful than just another form of journaling. If all it is meant to be is that, then it's not very effective or enjoyable for an audience outside yourself.

The answerer with a PhD from Duke might have been more kind, and less complete - and, perhaps that's what you wanted. But, from my point of view, I think it's important that people realize that poetry is more than just a journaling tool, and that with some basic knowledge about the form it can be more effective and enjoyable to create, and certainly to consume.

Answer 2

It is very good obviously you are very passionate about this subject! Which I find helpful when writing a poem or anything else for that matter!!
I especially liked "Well God is not one for violence
With every death you’ve made him wince" Every time I see something on the news about the "war" I think that very thing!
You should definitely keep up the poetry you are good!
In fact I think you should send it in to be published I have added a link of 'Forward Press' they are currently publishing the average Joe's poetry

Answer 3

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme but it needs to hit my emotions. I think clarity of expression is important as well. I don't like to second guess what I'm reading about. I always look for what I term "poetic gems"in the text.

Answer 4

I reallly like your theme, the futility of violence...such an iimportant message these days, everyone needs to hear it.

I also like the fact that you effectively used rhyming techniques. This is a challenging device, and I think you pulled it off. In fact, your poem sounds very much like rap lyrics. I think it would make a great rap song, no kidding.

Answer 5

Well, you tell the truth! as you see it, of course.
I personally think this is very traditional, and you put a lot of effort into it. It's too regular for me... I like free form, and cypgers (spelling) like they speak on Def Jam or whatever it is nowadays.
Keep on it, because once you perfect something, you can break the rules and be truly creative!

Answer 6

Truthfully, it has a good message, but the rhyme is
very 'sing songish'.

Answer 7

I think you have wasted a lot of your time because it is really not a poem!

Answer 8

thought provoking

Answer 9

metaphors and analogies would perhaps make it interesting and unique....

Answer 10

I love it.... VERY GOOD!!!!