Hi, I found out this week my wife had an affair, I know who the guy is and a lot of detail. My question is , do I confront him?
2007-02-08 02:24:32 · 37 answers · asked by Steve F 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, i did confront my wife and i she denied it, but i found her private blog on the web talking about the sex and the affair, plus i found the guys number and calls on her cell phone. I gave my wife 2 options, admit the affair, or take a lie detector test, but i feel the guy was 50% to blame too and want to **** him up.
2007-02-08 02:32:24 · update #1
Its more complicated, we just bought a house in Europe, and staying with my parents temporarily in a Northeast state. The guy she cheated with is my parents neighbors son!! We dont have residency in the state we live in , most states require a one year residency before you can divorce. We have NO USA residency. I am American, she is European with her green card.
2007-02-08 02:41:23 · update #2
I know this is hard. I would want to kill the guy . . . or atleast blow up his car. The truth is, anything you do could effect your life in a negative way. Don't let his life choices make your life worse.
The question is, are you staying with your wife? Do you still love her? If so, I recommend letting her know that and that if it happens again you're done. She is also never to speak to him or see him under any circomstances. There has to be boundries, even on love. Remind her it may take some time to rebuild trust.
If you're not staying with her, then just dump them both. They lost more in you than they got together.
I would find a good friend and sit down to talk to him. Find someone you know is positive minded. You don't need any motivation to do the wrong thing.
2007-02-08 02:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First remember it takes 2 to tango.
Your wife is in the wrong to. I think the best thing for you to do is consider a trial separation from your wife. If there is children involved you can make arrangements for them.
You need time alone to think clearly. No wife should be unfaithful if she has done it once she can do it again. Consider that.
I would not confront the guy because right now you have the upper hand. He wronged you.
If your marriage does breakdown because of this, hit him were it hurts In his pocket sue him for emotional strain.
He will be expecting some sort of retaliation. But not a court order.
Good Luck.
2007-02-08 02:37:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have often wondered why people will have affairs with married individuals. I hear so many married people who cheat on their spouse tell me, well she/he does not like sex, all she/he does is B**** and gripe. I always ask them then WTH are you staying together.. If the man knows your wife is married and continued with the affair, then yes you have a right to be angry at him. But honestly most of the blame will have to be put on your wife's shoulders. She is the one married to YOU. You need to talk with her about this. I know this is something very hard to forgive and you BOTH have to decide if there is anything left to sustain your marriage. Are you always gonna be wondering who shes with, where shes at right now... If so and you cannot get by this, then theres not much left but bitterness and regrets. A relationship cannot grow without Trust and Loyality. If these are missing there is nothing left to work with..
2007-02-08 02:39:56 · answer #3 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he knew she was married hes a home wrecking pig. Your wife must be easily persuaded "mine was and did the same thing" If the affair is still on-going get an attorney NOW and get your kids and assets in order. This was the hardest thing that I ever went through its like you didn't know who you where married to, you question everything about them. If you both want to work on saving your marriage you have to use counseling and lots of patience.good luck
2007-02-08 02:36:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No need to confront him, he is not the one that cheated on you. You need to sit down with your wife, ask her why she did this, get the the details from her, maybe she needed something you weren't giving her, ( that is no excuse to cheat) and he filled a empty spot for her, be kind, be gentle, and be prepared to here something you didn't expect. If she cant answer your questions, maybe its time to move on, but take your time in making a decision, we all make mistakes while we are mad.
2007-02-08 02:39:35 · answer #5 · answered by emma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this guy a friend of yours? If not, then confront him for what? Nothing will come out of it. The guy is wrong, but your wife is even more wrong. She is the one who had a committed relationship with you, not him. She is the one who broke her vows, not him. In the world we live in today, people don't care. It's sad, but it's the truth. The guy didn't have any obligation to you, your wife did.
If this guy is a friend of yours, then thats a different story. I would say confront him.
2007-02-08 02:34:22 · answer #6 · answered by CJ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your wife is the one who had the obligation to her marriage,not him.I would leave him alone cause who knows what your wife told him,she could have said alot of things like That she is not married,or its over and Im gonna leave him etc, so this gut may be clueless and even if he isnt just stay out of trouble and deal with your wife either save the marriage or try to repair it,but she is the one you need to focusing on.
2007-02-08 02:30:02 · answer #7 · answered by maryann c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You certainly shouldn't. He didn't go any farther than your wife allowed him to therefore your "beef" is with your wife, not him. Some women do the same thing. When they catch their man cheating, they want to attack the other woman. Whether or not the other party was aware of your marriage is irrelevant, the important point is, your wife knows she's married. She should've exercised restraint. You two really need to talk about what happened and why it happened. Don't cause yourself any more headache or heartache beyond what you already have.
2007-02-08 02:34:31 · answer #8 · answered by Carlover29 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you and your wife trying to work things out? If so, i would talk with her first, and find out what really happened between the to of you, and try resolving that first. The same thing happened to me. My husband had an affair. It was really hard at first trying to keep from going, and beating the sh.. out of the other women, but i didn't. I thought of my children first, and besides you never resolve anything with fussing and fighting, But i did go to her work called her out in front of the building, and just basically told her that we are trying to work things out, and to stay out of it. You might try something like that. Just remember you are the better person. Good Luck!
2007-02-08 02:46:57 · answer #9 · answered by Peaches 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i am European as well...but what should you do is hire privet investigator and make sure, and if you can't affored one take time and do it your self...and if you find out that she is cheating on you than you should divorce her, not only that she cheated on you she lied also and don't do anything to the guy he wouldn't force her to have affair if she didn't want so it's her fault 99%..think about it
2007-02-08 02:54:04 · answer #10 · answered by Mely 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋