Is it bad to keep ur email password a secret from ur significant other?

Question

I always thought a good relationship consisted of no secrets, being an open book, sharing everything, complete trust and disclosure. I tell my boyfriend of almost 3 years everything, he has my passwords to numerous things, I dont mind if he has it, I dont mind if he were to go into my email account..but he never wants to give me any of his passwords..except for once he gave it to me cuz one day he was unable to check his email and he was expecting somethin important and asked me to check for him, but then after a few months he randomely changed it and wont give it to me again..he says its just that he wants his privacy..which makes me think he is hiding something..Why would someone need privacy when they arent doing something "bad"?... Is it wrong of me to want his password? Is it ok to want "privacy" from ur significant other?
I dont know if he is the "bad one" in the relationship for not giving the password, or am I the "bad one" for wanting it so much?

Can it all be innocent?

Answer 1

baby girl, there is nothing wrong with how you feel. but remember the base of a good relationship. it's trust. trust him for being truthful. trust him for not doing you harm or hurt you. there are other signs you can tell if he's not being faithful. give him this space if he wants. as long as you are faithful and hold yourself true. there is no need to worry about it. put it this way, if he's cheating on you, it's his lost.

Answer 2

This whole sharing of the passwords is nothing more then a lack of trust. People want the password for the comfort of knowing nothing is going on. They just pop into the account from time to time and allay their fears.

Just look at what you said. He doesn't want to give you the password and you're first thought is what is he hiding. Frankly, if he were hiding something he'd give you the password to the account then set up another somewhere else.

The idea of 'no secrets' means you trust the other person to tell you things. You trust they are being honest. It doesn't mean they have to completely open everything in their life so the other person can check p on them.

Answer 3

Hi, I´m married since 5 years and I don´t have any of my husband´s passwords and he doesn´t have mine. I think privacy is something important, wich doesn´t mean you´re cheating or lying . I trust him, he trusts me, but if i want to talk about something with a friend or anyone I have to feel free enough to do it on my own, and vice versa. Sharing passwords won´t garentee sincerity, this is something you will find knowing better the person you´re with. If someone wants to lie he´ll do it anyways, but if you trust each other there´s no need to fear.
Life being an opened book is just silly, i don´t even wanna know what my husband did in the past, and what i did before belongs to me, the most important is that in all these years i never, ever, lied to him.
As you explained it seems to be that you´re giving ways for him to control your life but he´s not doing the same for you, doesn´t look like a fair trade.
And yes, it can all be innocent.

Answer 4

In every relationship, 50/50 should be the goal. You have nothing to hide therefore, you are okay with handing out your email and passwords, but your bf has a problem with it obviously. I don't know the reason why, but you said he was like "I just want my privacy". But if you are handing out passwords, you are handing out your trust factor. Your bf does not trust you or the prospect of this relationship. If he has a business email account with classified info, and other items I would understand him keeping it from your eyes. But then, why would he hide it? Tell him, there is an issue here.

Answer 5

Sure, it can be innocent...as long as there are no trust issues between you. Has he ever given you a reason (other than the password thing) to distrust him? If he hasn't, then let it go. Some people need their space, their privacy, and their time. We have to respect that. It's a boundary thing. My g/f recently changed her password (after telling me what it was), and sure, I was a little uncomfortable with it, but I trust her, so there really is no issue.

Answer 6

Yes in can be innocent. While in a relationship I do not believe that you need to share passwords for emails. There is a need for privacy. What if one of his friends was having a rough time with his wife wno you so happen to be friends with and come across that email.
So I think there should be some sort of privacy but only to a certain extent

Answer 7

It has to go both ways I think. You both have to be totally open, or not. I tend to agree with Mike's answer, and that is what if it is a personal email from a friend who is sharing a problem they wouldn't share with anyone else, and certainly wouldn't appreciate someone besides the recipient to read it? You have to search your own soul and realize u don't totally trust him if u would even think to want his password to his email. It would be like opening a letter that came to his house......would u do that? I would let this one go and just put trust in him that his emails are not being used for anything that would hurt u.

Answer 8

Contrary to most of the messages here, he's not hiding anything. He did let you in once . . . if he had anything to hide, he would have resolved it another way.

The fact is it is bad policy to share your password with anyone, that's friends, parents, gf/bf's, or spouses. Passwords are a security issue. The question is why do you want his password?

I suggest thinking about why you want it then sit down and talk to him. If you don't trust him, then it is your issue. You need to figure out why you don't trust him. In any case, I don't think he would have a hard time showing you his e-mail, he just doesn't want to share his password.

I don't suggest you share yours either. There are many innocent reasons why not to share it and no innocent reasons to share it.

Answer 9

for whatever reason, you feel the need to let him know everything. guys are not like that. they want their privacy whether they are doing something wrong or not. i personally have never given any of my passwords to anyone, including my boyfriend of 4 years. and neither has he. your boyfriend had every right to change his password, cause its none of your business what is in his email, as it is none of his business what is in your email. get over the insecurity, you have been together almost 3 years, if you can't trust him by now, its time to get out of the relationship.

Answer 10

I don't think its wrong for you to want to know.I feel he has something to hide or he wouldn't care.My hubby doesn't even have a password and I don't check his mail because I know he doesn't have anything to hide,if he had one and wouldn't tell me I would think he does have something to hide and I would snoop.....Alot of people say respect someones privacy but when its your significant other there should be no secrets at all......