my husband wont kick out my stepson who is 20, on drugs not working very gothic I have 2 of my boys stll home?

Answer 1

Your 'question' sounds very desperate. so.. I am assuming your boys are much younger and the husband has tried getting him out to a shelter or program for drug problems. When you get to this crux in the road its a spot between a rock and a hard place. I know in my heart that no man clinging to a 20 year old drug addict is ever as important to me as my own children. Yes, life would be much better married and having the security of the husbands pay check.. but soon the drug addict will find a way to get that money before its in your husbands hands.. It will go for bail, lawyers and drugs too. If I was in your shoes I would be salting away some cash for a first and last rent payment and security deposit, a car payment, and a month's worth of utilities and groceries, and child care fees to get you going on a life of relatively more safety. Drug addicts don't go away.. they stay where they can as long as they can get away with it. You and your unfortunate husband are merely a means to keep on selling drugs (don't think he's not) and living in a free space with free groceries (if he's not on a hunger reducing drug), and free utilities. and I bet you are expected to even wash the druggies clothes huh?! No fighting now.. just start salting funds away for your run for your children's and your life... Keep the faith and tip toe out the door when you have had enough.

Answer 2

You really need to be more specific about your situation. It is difficult to try and give helpful advice that would be on target. I can only give some basic answers. If you were aware of your stepsons problems BEFORE you were married, I would hope that you and your husband came to some sort of agreement as to how to deal with the problems. If you have tried to help him, exhausting every avenue,therapy,counseling, setting conditions that are non-negotiable,and he has not complied,TOUGH LOVE is in order.If your husband will not stand with you on this, you should leave with your boys. Stay with family or friends until you and your husband can come to some UNITED decisions. The only way your marriage will survive is for you and your husband to agree as to some type of mutual conditions, and stick to them. If there is no unity, then you are fighting a losing battle. Your boys do not need to see your stepsons behavior as acceptable.However, they do need to see good examples set by you and your husband, as a team. If you and your husband can not get along, argue over this situation, it will add to the stress already in your home. If all else fails, leave with your two boys. One Good role model will far out-way what they are being subjected too now.

Answer 3

Seriously is this a joke? First of all if he works then you should be doing the housework. If you both work then you should SHARE the housework in the evenings when u get off work. I'm suprised he hasn't kicked u to the curb yet you outta feel like a very lucky woman that he hasn't. You should start helping, it would get done faster and he would haev some help around the house. anita, not all men are like that. My husband gives me a choice work or home. I choose to stay home and take care of the kids and do the housework. And even after working all day in the military he still comes home and helps me with the kids and helps with the housework. I think marriage should be a partnership. Not all men and woman think like u say they do.

Answer 4

If your 2 boys are round about the same age as your step son then if one goes all goes. I think that could be your husbands mentality. If however theyre younger than the stepson you should tell your husband that its affecting you and you dont have peace of mind. If he still refuses then move out. Your kids are your main priority and they will thank you in years to come.

Answer 5

Well if u feel that he's that big of a threat to ur sons.. as far as their well being, and u've tried all u could to get ur husband to understand where ur comming from then at one point or another u have to ask urself.. "if i was in a boat, and my husband and his son were drowning on one side, and my two boys were drowning on the other.. " who do i save.. and of course ur answer would be your 2 boys.. and thats when u say ive done all i could, but its time to be a mom, and protect my sons from this and explain to ur husband that when he wants to actually help his Son get his life straight which means to do some tuff love, and stop enabling him to be a bum on drugs.. to let u know till then ur and the boys are staying somewhere else and move out , doesnt mean u have to get a divorce, just means ur protecting ur own kids..

Answer 6

hi,
do you want the 20 year old out because he is 20 and all of that is going on? or do you want him out because he is your stepson and you are uncomfortable with him around, you have to think about what you are saying when you enter this king of situation. remember that your husband loves his son just as much as you love your two boys. yes he need help if he is doing that stuff but be cassius in how you approach the subject when talking to your husband and his son is all i am saying.

Answer 7

You have not given us very much information like how old are your boy's that still live with you or what you & your husband have or have not done to try and help this 20 yr old drug addict.Drug addiction is very hard to deal with for both the addict and the family trying to cope.Has your husband tried to get him treatment has your husband set any limitations??I really need more information in order to give you my best advice feel free to IM or e-mail me..

Answer 8

Sounds like its a family matter. You are married so are now his partner. Help him figure out something to do-treatment, look for rentals in the paper etc.. Be honest and not angry and tell him your concerns as far as your boys go. They have enough to face without further exposure from the stepson. Be empathetic though. This IS his kid... You do want the best for him also I am sure.

Answer 9

Tell your husband it is either the 20 yr old son or you . And please know that your husband is in a very difficult sittuation as well . He feels like he is having to choose between you and his son . That is not a good feeling . i know i have been there . honestly just sit him down and let him know things have to change or you will be making some changes of your own .

Answer 10

You have two children who are impressionable. Tell your husband to give his son a date as to when he needs to go out on his own. If he works, Tax time is good. That check can help with his expenses. If your husband refuses then tell him you have to protect your sons and now they BOTH must leave...