My daughter is NOT ugly.?

Question

My daughter is 16, Dark blonde hair, pretty blue eyes, maybe 10 lb over weight, but still quiet curvy. Yesterday, a boy in one of her classes, said to her,
"You're ugly". The other boys that were at the table said, "You don't say that to a girl... Not to her face." The jerk said, "I've just got the ba*** to say it, and ya'll don't."
She has taken it to heart, as most girls would. And is also under a lot of pressure right now with UIL solo coming up this weekend and just found out yesterday that the choir teacher is going to have her practice in front of the other 73 people in the choir (sophomores to seniors). She now not only feels that she is inadaquite to be a soloist, but also feels ugly. How can I help her and what should I suggest she say or do about the hateful boy? Her step dad has always thought that she was a pretty girl, even from the first time he saw her. And everyone that I know her thinks that she's pretty. Not beautiful, but certainly not ugly.

Answer 1

That boy is a jerk, I would let her know that she is pretty and not to care about what he has said.

Maybe you could take her to a makeup counter and let her have a makeover and then go get a pedicure and a new outfit? I know that sounds superficial but it might give her a boost of confidence or just having some alone time with you will make her feel special and pampered. You could say it's a treat to get her ready for her performance.

Answer 2

I don't know if I can help, but I went through the same thing in high school. It was humiliating. My dad is our local mortician. One time in class, this jerk asked me, "hey, doesn't your dad put makeup on the people?" I said, "yeah, why?" In front of the whole class, he said "don't you think he could help you out?" I almost threw up I was so upset, and the teacher did nothing. I'm 26 and I still remember that like it was yesterday. Kids that age are so mean. It's just hard. The easy thing for her to do would be to react with an equally insulting comeback, but I don't think it's moral to sink to someone's level, and it's next to impossible to ignore it. I don't know what to say, really. All I can do is tell you exactly how it feels so maybe you better understand what your daughter feels and may be able to find a better way to approach it. I hate to tell you this, but it didn't seem like anything my mom said helped me. I knew she was my mom and that of course she was going to think I was pretty. It didn't make me feel any better at school. However, now when I see people, I look better than them and I've had a child and ten times the stress any of them have. But you don't want to tell her that because you don't want to teach her that looks are most important, like I was taught. Sorry I can't help more.

Answer 3

Personally, I am going through a stage where I find myself not very appealing. But my parents, and friends can help.
First off, remind her everyday that you love her, and that it doesn't matter what other jerks think.
Let her know that the one boy was just being a jack but, and that the only reason that he teased her is because he is probably teased about something.
Show her how pretty she is (fancy her up).
Show her that there are people with scars on there faces, and ask her how she thinks they feel, and if she feels prettier than them.
Have a special date night, just the two of you, and just lift her spirits.
She is going through a hard stage, and you need to be there for her (like you are doing), and just make sure that she knows that you think that she is pretty in your eyes, and that someday she will meet someone who couldn't be happier about her looks.
Also make sure she knows that when ever she feels angry or sad, it is reflected on her face.
So yeah.

Hope I helped.

Answer 4

Wow, that's mean. I'd expect that up front behavior from junior high children or elementary, but not high school! Wow. Anyways, tell her not to believe them. As long as she knows that it's not the truth it will not hurt or will hurt less. She must already think she's ugly, or be gullable enough to think that whatever a guy says is the truth.

In the mean time, do her a favor and take her to a make up specialist. Maybe a makeover would make her outlook on life change (just a little). And next time someone says that to her, tell her to think up a smart comeback. =) So she won't feel as hurt.

Answer 5

Everyone is beautiful. People go through awkward stages in their lives where they don't feel they look attractive. This idiot boy who said that to her face may be at that stage himself so he felt the need to point out someone else going through the same thing. Show your daughter some of your most embarassing photos and laugh with her about it. Laughter really is the best medicine. About the solo give her the opportunity to make a decision about it. If she wants to do it then let her if she doesn't then don't force her too. 16 year olds are very temperamental. I know I was one about 5 years ago. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Oh can i ever relate to this! I was called ugly plenty of times(mainly because im goth and the school i went to were VERY sterotypical). It's does bother you a bit, but you just have to assure her that what they say doesn't matter. There are gonna be A*$holes everywhere, no matter where you go in live, and you just have to choose to ignore them. My mother is what kept me from feeling ugly, from her reassuring that I was not, and that a few lbs don't make you ugly. Try doing little things to make her feel better. It may sound silly, but try sitting down and painting her nails, or do her hair, and take pics and show them to her. Looking in a mirror doesn't really show what a picture can. if you want e-mail me and i'll talk to her and help her.

Answer 7

thats not all authentic it surely relies upon on how your daughter is proficient up the ask your self by technique of far is on the interior and not in any respect the out and also you both should be worried about that and there practise and how the act round others not on how they'll seem even as there young children. face it they are women and in the experience that they are astounding at youngster years your now unlikely to be argueing on what they seem to be yet on the lads they prefer good success. I surely have 4 daughters

Answer 8

Yeah, I had that experience too, One of the guys in my class said to me when we were fighting "Why would anyone have a crush on you? You're not pretty" I didn't take it to heart. I just slapped him in the face and kicked him in the knee. Yep, that feels good, Anyway, I'm not ugly! Other people says that i'm beautiful. So tell your daughter to kick and slap those stupid jerks and say "Have you looked at your self in the mirror?" OR Tell your daughter that they only said that because they wanted to get her attention because, you know they like her. Yep, boys do that, that's their way of getting the girl they like to 'notice' them. One of my guy friends told me that.

Answer 9

Well alost all teenage guys have big heads and think that they have the right to comment about how girls look in a negative way, anyone could make one of the most beautiful things into something terrible if you set your mind to it and tried. If she wants to loose weight make sure she just regularly excersises and eats proper portions. All you can really do for her is give her your love and support.

Answer 10

Explain to her that boys can just sometimes be real jerks by trying to make themselves look kool in front of their friends. Just keep pointing out to her positive attributes to her. Remind her how pretty she is and the reason that boy said such hurtful thing is because he doesn't feel good about himself. Some people have to put others down in order to feel superior. It's a self esteem issue with them, not her. And of course, remind her of how much you love her.