plz suggest me wht to do...?

Question

i ve been married since 14 years and really theyve been a torrent for me..from beatings to abuse to my hubby having had an affair, i ve seen it all,i ve two kids and allways coz of them ive given him a second opportunity,i come from a culture that seperating seems a veryfar idea, my hubs has allways been atypical male who only loves his brothers and sisters, and now he is going to be 40 but still is the same. I ve wondered all these years where do i stand he has told me clearly he has never loved me , i thought that his affair thing had been a lesson not to hurt me any more but he confessed a few days back that he contrls his feelings for other females just coz he had taken an oath on my son not to do it again, i am devastated, sometimes i feel like killing myself, coz truly i have loved him a lot and tried to allways forgive him, i dont see the way out,he allways blames me for not being in touch with his sisters but he knows that the true reason behind this is coz he misbehaves .

Answer 1

one word DIVORCE

Answer 2

I feel very sorry for you but not knowing about your culture it is hard to make any suggestion. If you were of western origin I would say leave him and get a life of your own. This may not be easy for you so I can only suggest you try and make some friends and make the most of your life unless there is a way of getting free. In which case I would say do it. Get free and have a better life. No one should be in a relationship where they are beaten and abused.
Is there a community project you could perhaps join and get involved in. You really need some lessons in self esteem and learn to be more confident.
I hope you find a way.

Answer 3

Please contact Relate. You don't need your husband there. You can work through your feelings and if you do decide to leave then they are superb at getting you information. This man is an absolute disgrace and has never deserved such a lovely wife. He will NEVER change. You would be better on your own. I know it seems so scary at the moment and it will be for a time but there are so many people who can help you. If you are in a rented property get him out! You can stay int he house with the children. Why should you move? Get strong. Get support and you can do it. Believe in yourself and show this worthless man that you will no longer put up with this. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

Unfortunately your husband does not see you as an equal partner in this marriage and has included his family into your marriage too. Maybe you should walk out for a while. Have you got anywhere you can go with your children to stay for a while? Then whilst you are out of the family home you can tell him exactly how you feel. BE HONEST and tell him that you can't live a life of pain and upset anymore & your life is worth living. If you are that miserable that you want to end it all - what do your children see? For the sake of your boys think carefully as to whether a life of them seeing their mother abused and insulted and badly hurt is what they want. Although leaving can be very difficult and is not the easiest option it maybe the happiest option in the long run. Good Luck x

Answer 5

I think you should put up with it and stop thinking you have a life are you trying to make me laugh and me tea better be on the table when I get back from my girlfriends. I want you to answer that for yourself look in the mirror and say to yourself do I deserve self respect. If the answers no carry on, but I'd be very astonished if you said that, you know the answer there's only one. and you know what it is. unfortunately you have lost all self esteem and now cant make a decision for yourself so your asking people to make it for you. You got the answer all over these answers, I've read them first. Don't think about it, just do it. He'll never change (trust a stranger), Don't ever go back, He'll have extra power over you then and the worse it will be. Sorry to hear this it makes me upset hence the book I've just wrote lol.

Answer 6

Plz don't kill yourself, your children need you! I don't think your husband is going to change his ways no matter how many times you give him a second chance. You and the kids need to leave him to sort himself out. Your probably exhausted enough with looking after the kids and trying not to show to them how much you are hurting. Do you have somewhere else to go? Parents, friends? If not please try and get into a safe house. I know it seems quite scary at first but once you are on your own and with the help of people who can care for you your'll beable to see things more clearly.
If he has hit you, theres nothing to say he wouldn't start to hit the kids.
Be brave

Answer 7

please please please leave this man YOU don't deserve to be treated this was no one does. Killing your self is NOT the answer it may not always seem like it but there are people who need you and love you think of your children. I know it can be scary the thought of leaving him and being on our own especially if you have been together for so long, this man has made it clear to you that he does not love you, things will not get better. There are places you can go for help you cannot do this on your own and you will need to ask for help. Like i said i know it seems hard and scary especially if you have to leave with nothing but believe me you CAN do it and possestions are just things you can buy again. Domestic violence claims the lives of around 2 women a week in the UK dont be another number.

Answer 8

Why why why are you still with him? Do you like being a doormat? I don't want to sound cruel, but for god's sake do your self a favour and get out. Every second that goes by you and your husband are teaching your child that this is OK, that he should behave like Daddy and every woman will take it just like Mummy does.

You are worth more than this. Every one has a right to freedom and happiness, when you don't assert that right you leave behind a legacy of discontent for your children.

Answer 9

have you told him how you feel , obviously is following the same culture as you, and seperation will mean the same to him as it does to you, tell him to treat you better as you are the mother of his children, or you will leave him and take the children with you, (this need only be a threatr for the time being) remember also your children will follow example, your sons will think its ok to abuse their wives and your daughters will think its right to be abused, so for their sakes you are better off leaving him, you may live under a stigma for a while but im sure it will be better physically and mentally for you

Answer 10

hi the reason being complication-free.Your bf is having 2d innovations that is for certain.He has replaced his innovations for some reason may be his mum and dad or some different person(acquaintances,kinfolk in some case yet another woman).he's stuck between this determination of accepting you or not.He him self isn't certain of what to do,Thats the reason behind the pause for all the question u requested.Sorry to assert he's not an same.you are able to attempt convincing him to come again may artwork yet issues may be slightly diverse from earlier.Sorry expensive.i'd very corresponding to for issues to flow on your way! all the superb in ur existence

Answer 11

hey hon:)

First of all, I think that you are such a courageously strong woman, for having gone through what you have been through. I want you to know that you did deserve any of it. God did not create men to abuse or ill treat woman, its not of god. Being a christian, I have seen couples go through so much, and come out victorious. There is a chance of victory for your marriage, but in order to move forward you first of all have to decide to let go of your past, forgive him entirely. And most importantly you need to sit down with your husband, and you both have to agree that you want to work things out. He needs to know exactly how you feel and you need to listen to how he feels (as difficult as that is going to be) Once you two are completely open and honest with one another, decide whether you want to work on your marriage or not. If he immediately says no, then seperate yourself from him & move on. God does not intent a life of misery for you. If he says yes, then get professional. Put everything aside and make your marriage a number one priority. Also kids are not dumb, so including them in your decision is the beter choice. Let them know whats going on. Dont lie to them, because they will sense it.