Separate Sexual and Romantic Orientations?

Question

Has anyone ever heard of this?

I used to be convinced I was sexually gay, and romantically straight. It used to make me very depressed because I thought I could never, ever find happiness.

Now I say I'm sexually gay, and romantically bi. I may even have a romantic bias towards women. I can fall in love with women, but I'm not sexually attracted to them (so I'm not pursuing them). I'm sexually attracted to guys, but it took me a long time before I realised that I could love one. That makes the guy I want the most even more special (he's not in my life at the moment).

Sometimes I wonder if we're all romantically bi at heart, once we strip away all social conditioning.

Answer 1

Perhaps, but it's probably a bit more complex. Without social conditioning, the most likely scenario is that humans seek to reproduce and care for our young. Based on what we know now about the "Love hormone" and other physical changes that accompany sex, we probably would form a year or two liaison before seeking another mate.

On the other hand love and romance are not limited to a single individual, we love our parents, mates, children, and others; so if you have the propensity to be attracted to others of your sex you should have the ability to love and/or have romantic feelings.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

Sexual and romantic attraction are indeed two different things. There may even be emotional attraction as well.

I'm a bit like you, except I think I'm the other way round - romantically attracted to both genders and sexually attracted to women, and partially towards men. In fact, I feel a strong physical attraction towards men but its discounted by the fact that sexually, there isn't much I could do with a guy compared with a woman.

There was an experiment which involved wiring up gay, straight and bi people to a machine which measures physical arousal, and the participants were presented with erotic material involving both sexes. The bisexual men responded only to one gender, and this seemed to fuel the misconception that bisexuality doesn't exist. The machine itself only measured sexual arousal and hence didn't account for the fact that there are many different types of attraction which end in the same thing - LOVE.

Also, the Kinsey Scale measures different types of attraction/activity, and some people can identify as a 1 in some areas and a 6 in others.

Answer 3

One talks about Love and Romance, not Sex and Romance. I see no reason why the two can't be treated separately. They are exclusive, just not mutually exclusive.

I doubt we're all romantically bi (with or without social conditioning) Romance and Love are different beasts, after all.

Answer 4

I'm sexually attracted to men and can be romatically attached to a certain guy.

I'm romantically involved with a woman and she's the only woman I am attracted to sexually.

If I strip more...YA will delete my avatar.

Answer 5

good question i am attracted to some women but i am a gay man and love my partner but i can still feel a romantic sort of connection to my female friends.

Answer 6

I think it has to do with maturity. I think you simply grew up and expanded your understanding of the world and how it works. Things tend to be simplistic when you are younger, but you are open to more things. As you as, life becomes clearer but you become more narrow in your desires. The goal is to know who you are and what you want, and then expand your world around that. Best of luck, sounds like you got it right.

Answer 7

Some people may act that way, but in their heart, they are what they are. They will only be happy with the person who is the sex they want

Answer 8

I think eventually everybody settles down to some sort of conclusion. You just need to take your time and figure out who you want t be with in your life.

Answer 9

I think that love has little to do with sexuality..and can be completely separated from it at times.