I need advice on what to do with my husband!?

Question

Basically, I'm not very happy with my husband. Don't get me wrong, I love him to death, I just wish he sometimes acted as though he cared. He just comes home from work, takes off his shoes, and starts watching tv. It's like I'm not even there. I'm one of those people that needs a little bit of romance and some sweet gestures every now and again. He wouldn't even get me birthday or christmas gifts if I didn't tell him when to go get it, directions to the store, and what exactly it was that I wanted. I'd like to have a nice romantic suprise every now and then...I've told him many times that I'd like to have some romance, but it's like I'm speaking a foreign language to him. I'm getting so restless. I feel as though he doesn't need me or appreciate me. So, why am I here? The only time he gives me any attention is when he wants sex! What should I do? I can't talk to him. He doesn't listen to anything.

Answer 1

first of all, i would like to point out that you don't need to follow my advice. it's only my point of view. i actually read a book and the couple in it was exactly like u and your husband. you have become a fixture in the house. he take it for granted that you will always be there for him so he doesn't make the effort to please you since you will always be there for him. so my advice is to change yourself. be different from the woman you usually are. try not being so accessible to him. show him if he wants something from you then he will have to work on it. show him your best assets to make him rediscover you as a woman.also it would be great if you could give him a taste of what life without you will be for him. make him a little jealous. show him what he doesn't appreciates, others do. in my book the husband finally opened his eyes on his wife and never took for granted. so i wish you lots of luck and guts cuz u r gonna need them.hope i helped you

Answer 2

Been there done that. Sometimes men think well I married her I no longer need the romance she is not going anywhere. Your husband is in comfortable mode. When he comes in and watches TV he is not trying to ignore you, that is his down time. In no way am I justifying his behavior however, I truly understand how you feel. As far as the gifts go "lazy ". Next holiday, take him shopping and show him things you would like. Ask him what he thinks would look good on you and if it is not something you would where explain why (make it short) let him pick out some things for you. Also you need to have a date with him. He need to remember what that was like and how you both enjoyed that.
Set up a time and day, you plan something romantic forget the issue of you want him to do it. do what you both would enjoy. You can then explain that you miss doing things like that and you need more time with him like this. It worked for me. It is not easy but it will work. Sick to your guns about the date night.

Answer 3

Sounds no different than any other man. Romance to most men is sitting in front of the TV, watching a football, hockey, baseball, or soccer game. Romance to him is when you bring him a beer. Don't get down on him though, he comes by it honestly. It's in their genes. Look at the bright side of things, at least he takes his shoes off, and should the TV break down, you can be assured that it won't be out of service for very long. Birthdays, Christmas and special occasions are all just days of the week to most men. If he truly didn't appreciate you, he wouldn't be there. Grin and bear it. It could be a lot worse.

Answer 4

As I put it.... You have to draw him a map. Trust me, I've been there. This is my secind marriage, and that is exactly how my first marriage was. Now with my husband now, he can get like that as well. I decided that I was not going to have another marriage like that again. Don't leave him just because of this. Simply tell him how you feel, like you have done in the past. This time make it different. Tell him that you have something very important you need to talk with him about when he gets home from work. That way at work he can wonder what is wrong all day long. When he gets home and the time is right, sit down with him. No tv, no kids around, just you and him. Tell him how much this bothers you, and that you are not going to remind him of any more holidays. Tell him that when you are doing dishes, how nice it would be for him to nibble on your neck, that you need this. Compare it to something he cannot live with out.... like football, or working on the car. What ever it is he loves to do... compare it to that. Also tell him that you are tired of having sex. That when he wants it, it will have to be making love. Don't give in either. Tell him exactly what you what and how you want it in the bed room. That he needs to start with soft kisses, then you neck, and so forth. Remind him that Valentines day is next week, and that if he does not get you something, even a nice card, that you will be VERY HURT! Stress this. Look, my husband is not the most romantic man on earth, but when I am doing dishes and he walks by and brushes my theigh with his, I tell him how much I liked it. Then eventually it was his hand running across my back or waist. Men are not women. Even though you tell him what to do, does not mean he gets it. I begged my husband to kiss me more for months, before he finally said he didn't realize how important kissing was to me. HE kissed me like mad for 2 months, but he must hae forgot again. We have not had sex since Saturday. I have told him for 2 days how horny I am. Now this morning I told him that I hope he makes love to me tonight. That I want him to kiss me. Other thatn that I just think of all the things he does do for me. Like when he opens the door for me, I tell him how nice that is, that most men don't open the door for their wives. He does it everytime. Just tell him everything nice he does do. Men like to have a pat on the back. Just pat his back everytime you can, and you will notice a difference. Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm with Sally. You have reached a point in your marriage where the honeymoon is over and the men slip in to their confort zone, whene they don;t need to tyry hard anymore, because they already got you. You have to get used it and learn to start romancing your husband too>Why he has to do all the work? I'm sure that he would aprretiate yo coming to him for a change, instead of you nagiing and complaining about why he hasn't done for you.

He doens;t sound as bad, count your blessings. At least he comes home to his wife every nightm he could be taking his shoes somewhere else,

Good luck

Answer 6

Some men really do not know how to express there love for there mate.If you have talked honestly--not accused him of everything being his fault and took that long and deep look at yourself, the one we don't like to take,then maybe you should start sending yourself flowers and buying yourself special things.No...dont make him think there from someone else, let him know there from you to you because you need something he isn't giving right now and maybe he will look at you a little different and start doing a few special things for you.

Answer 7

Was he this way before marriage? (Of course he wasn't but I had to ask.)

Sounds like he lacks a certain style... he doesn't understand the role of a spouse is to be an ally to your mate, in making their life the best that it can be. I wish I could teach a course to married couples to teach them this concept.

Let me ask you, are you a giver, do you act to make his life experience "special"? You might have to teach him by demonstrating this technique for him.

You said the only time he needs you is when he wants sex. Does this mean he is the initiator? Do you ever initiate. You say he doesn't initiate "acts of involvement" in the things of import to you, do you initiate "acts of involvement" in the things of import to him?

Sometimes it's just a little "niceness" needed to make a marriage fun day to day.

See if there's anything in your area offered by anyone that does a couples connecting/communicating weekend/seminar. Or maybe locate a couples therapist that might do this kind of light work.

And then maybe talk to the members at SWAGE... discuss ways to get more in your marriage.

Answer 8

Men can't be told as to what to do. If you keep on nagging him, he will do the opposite. Since you can not change him, you will have to change yourself by getting gifts for both of you. A little something for him, and a fancy gift for yourself. If sex is the only thing on his mind, you need to play the game. Tell him what you want, if he delivers, he can get what he wants. If not, you go ahead get it yourself to save him a trip to the store.

Answer 9

Was your husband like this before you married him?If he won't listen when you talk to him try writing him a letter.You may need to do a few little thing's to spice up your marriage.Make a romatic dinner and take a bubble bath with him and when you are finished explain to him that,that is what you would like from him in return also.Good Luck & best wishes.

Answer 10

Time to go. You didnt say how long you have been married, if you have children. But your husband has proven to you through his actions, that he doesnt care to keep the romance alive. My exhusband was like that...exactly like that....I got no attention whatsoever, until sex. And then it was a 2 minute event. Turns out he was cheating, but not saying that is the case with your husband. You just have to go...find someone who cares about you and SHOWS how much they love and care. Marriage takes work!!

As it turns out, I found the love of my life, who calls me "Princess" and treats me like one. I get hugs and kisses when he comes through the door, he comes home for lunch every day, he fixes my foot soak, he cooks for me and the kids, he makes my coffee every morning, if he goes to the store, he ALWAYS brings me something home to let me know he was thinking about me, and the list goes on and on. I take great care of him too (I didnt list all the ways I take care of him). Marriage takes work to keep that spark alive...so find someone who is as interested in you as you are in him!