A few months ago I was out drinking with friends when we met some lads who we went to school with. We were all talking and having fun. I was talking to one guy in particular and we were realy getting on. Then he asked me would I meet him(kiss)
I said yeh why not he's a nice guy and hes easy on the eyes too! We were kissing for a few minutes when he started to put his hand down my trousers. I said no and he stopped and we continued kissing. Then he tried it again. I said no again aut this time he was bit angry that I was refusing and he just continued. I tried pushin his arm away but I couldnt..so I just let it happen. I felt so angry at myself and so worthless aftarwards.I just put it in the back of my head and convinced myself that it didnt happen.
My question is is this anything or am I just making something of nothing?
Any help would be much appreciated.
Thanks,
2007-02-07 23:51:37 · 22 answers · asked by Girl 3 in Health ➔ Women's Health
Thank you "Dancingcar". Why does everything have to lead to sex?
Also I wasnt drunk.
2007-02-08 00:21:24 · update #1
No you aren't making something of nothing. He assaulted you. The problem is that because men are pretty indiscriminate who or what they have sex with they can't understand that a woman might refuse their advances. In this area they tend to be really completely dense. To them, you like them enough to kiss them you must like them enough to have sex with them and you must be prepared to have sex now. Because that's the way they are. And because they tend to be more single minded than women they can't get their head around the fact that we don't think like that. Even if we do like somebody enough to have sex with them we may not want to do it right now. Or we may not want to indulge in that particular act. They do something which they know we don't like or want, ignore us when we ask them politely to stop, continue to ignore us when we ask again and then act all hurt and surprised when we get angry.
To deal with this particular incident, accept the fact you were assaulted, avoid this individual again, if he want to get friendly explain to him, politely and without being angry, why you aren't prepared to do that again. Learn from the experience, if a guy begins to treat you that way again stop and leave, you are worth more than that.
Normally I completely respect and understand the fact that men and women are just different but in this instance, they really really have to learn. Something like 80% of adult women in the UK have been abused or assaulted by men at some time. That's staggering isn't it. Often because, as is probably the case with this young man, they simply don't know any better.
2007-02-08 05:43:30 · answer #1 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My understanding of this is that you, while under the influence of drink, had casual sex with a guy who to all intents and purposes forced himself on you. What you are asking, I think is - is this rape? Yes, it could well be, but I am afraid you are in a very difficult position because, basically, you were drunk. You and I and everyone here knows that you should never be forced into any kind of sexual situation but I think the reality is that you are going to find it hard to make this stick. If you feel strong enough to make the complaint against him and go with the follow-through - the interviews and the questions about what you were doing that night before it took place - then go for it. But I wonder, and so will the police, why you left it so long - you said it happened a few months ago.
You know what I would suggest? I would stop drinking irresponsibly, get my self checked at an STD clinic and ask my GP for a referral for some counselling as I think you will need some help to get over this. You got a fright but you should not be dwelling on it in this way.
I wish you all the best.
Edit: just had a look at some of your other questions and I can only reiterate my advice: you need support and counselling as you are dealing with several difficult issues. Please make an appointment to see you GP today and just be honest about your feelings.
Edit #2: Apologies for making the wrong assumption that you were drunk. I was not implying, by the way, that that would somehow make it your fault - only that, knowing how the police operate, it would have made it so much more difficult to get a case against this guy. I have seen this happen on several occasions. Whatever you decide to do, it will make you feel better by virtue of the fact that you are doing SOMETHNING - and I wish you all the best.
2007-02-08 00:05:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You're not making something out of nothing. Bottom line is, if you said no and let him know you didn't want him touching you there, he had NO RIGHT to do it.
He is NOT a nice guy, he's a menace to society as far as I'm concerned. Stay away from him. If you know other women who want to get involved with him, warn them away.
I think you have every right to feel badly about what happened, but you can't blame yourself. You said NO, you tried to get him to stop and he did it anyway.
He's the bad guy here... you're the victim.
Probably not a whole lot you can do about it legally (it'd just be a he said, she said situation), but you can (hopefully) take solace in the fact that what he did was wrong.
As for how how to deal with the aftermath... you might call one of the local support groups. What he did was akin to rape and denial, feelings of worthlessness, etc. are totally normal. Talk to someone.... trust me, it helps.
2007-02-08 00:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by tah_map 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No you're not making something of nothing. Who do these men think they are? I've been in similar situations. Feeling slightly helpless. Almost prudish because you've said no. You gotta forget this moron and get on with your life. Let it be a lesson to you though and you must be much more stronger in the future. No means no!
Whatever you do though, don't feel worthless, just learn from it.Unfortunately you just got involved with a prat and I can tell you now, you will probably get involved with many more prats in the future.
2007-02-08 07:05:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
id have thought thats assult, a boy should just kiss if u wanna kiss, they shouldnt force you into doing something that you dont want to. unfortunatley you have had to learn the hard way, if theres a next time be really forceful when he tries to put his hand down your trousers etc, and if he doesnt stop make a real fuss, if your friends are around they'll realise that something is wrong and he'll stop cos he'll get embarrassed!
try telling someone about it if you cant get it off your mind, how about a helpline if you dont feel comfy talking to your friends etc, they'll just listen and give non-judgemental support that way you can get (him and) the experience off your chest.
hope this helps, good luck for the future babe xx
2007-02-08 01:14:33 · answer #5 · answered by lalala 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have obviously been traumatized by this event. Anytime a man takes control of your body against your will, that is rape. You need to seek professional help from a rape counselor. It may not be too late to have him arrested.
Even if you don't want to take it the legal route, you definitely need to get counseling. If you feel this bad, you are not making something out of nothing.
Stop blaming yourself for what happened and allow yourself to be angry at him. Good luck to you dear.
2007-02-08 00:29:10 · answer #6 · answered by Firespider 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is something & you are not making something out of nothing.
At the end of the day you feel bad about what happened, your feelings aren't wrong or right.
The way that you dealt with a rather unpleasant situation is in the past, you cant change it but you can learn from it.
Are you angry with Him or with yourself with the way you dealt with it? If your angry with yourself then try to accept the way you responded to threatening behaviour and try not to let yourself respond like that again. Learning and accepting your response with help you get over this.
Something similar happened to me when I was younger & it helped me be less naive with men & to grow in myself.
2007-02-08 01:33:12 · answer #7 · answered by Jen G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It`s assault, try a poke in the eye if in that position again or make a fuss if people around.
Whats wrong with just a kiss after a night out.Us girls are worth more than a grope.
Try and put it behind you, he is in the wrong.
2007-02-08 00:17:35 · answer #8 · answered by dancingcar 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No means No, thats with No buts, if, how's and when's. He did something happened against your wishes. Would you just push it to the back of your mind if it went even further? Stick up for yourself hun, no-one slse is going to.
2007-02-08 00:24:00 · answer #9 · answered by Need_to_know 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would feel violated and I guess the guy isn't so nice and good looking anymore. Chalk it up to experience and be more careful next time someone you don't really know is nice to you.
2007-02-07 23:58:42 · answer #10 · answered by justme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋