What do you do about your friend's cheating husband?

Question

I know that he is cheating on her (i met the other lady but she doesbn't know I'm friends with his wife). I'm kinda confused what to do. I told my husband and he was very angry and said he was going to talk to him (they are friends). Should I still go ahead and tell my friend? I mean, what if he got some bad infections and passes it on to the innocent lady? Then I'll never be able to forgive myself. What do i do?

Answer 1

That is kinda hard to say. I think you should let your hubby talk to your friend's husband first. If he promises to change and if its a once off thing, then maybe you should not tell your friend? About giving her STIs, make him go do a check at the hospital and get treatment if possible.

Answer 2

You certainly have a valid point about him bringing home a lasting reminder that could be passed along to his wife.

However, you need to be prepared for something if you do decide to confront her with what you know: She may not be receptive to your overtures of concern. In fact, she may go into denial, get angry, and even end her friendship with you. Finding out later that you were right probably won't bring reconciliation, either. She will always associate you with one of the most hurtful, embarrassing, and heart-breaking situations of her life, so this will change your relationship with her forever....one way or the other.

Of course, you run the same risk by not telling her....when it comes to light (and it will, one way or the other) and she finds out that you knew all along? Well, she will feel betrayed by you as well. It's a catch-22 situation, no doubt!

Having said that, I'm not suggesting you shouldn't try to protect your friend. If you really love her, then you're going to be willing to suffer the hurt of her anger or even a lost friendship in order to tell her the truth. As the Scriptures say, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend". As Max Lucado says, "Love is willing to take the nail into its own hand."

Your friend's husband would fall into the second category of the same verse: "Lavish are the kisses of an enemy". He may be acting like a good husband at home, but he's already compromised everything...and HE made that decision, not you. So don't feel guilty about telling her what you know.

Just be prepared for the fallout, and try to be as patient, loving, and forgiving towards her (if she does get angry with you), as she's going to need someone to be right now.

Wishing you all the best - it's a hard scenario for sure.

Answer 3

I've been in your situation. Did the other woman ever say anything like she wishes the wife knew? I know my friend felt guilty about the whole thing, but could not get herself to say anything to the wife. And she promised the guy she would not say anything as he thought he was trying to be a good parent/husband...I know a little screwy! I never said anything directly to her, but I dropped enough hints about his character that she finally decided it was worth looking in to. I felt that if she did not really want to know the truth then I had no right to tell her, but at the same time, I wanted her to open up her eyes enough to where if she did feel something was wrong, she would look closer at it.

Turns out he was cheating with a couple of other women too...

Answer 4

You would think this would be a "no brainer" but it really isnt. This is a common issue and it never seems to play out well for the "friend" no matter which way they go. Does the woman have any suspicions he is cheating? If she does I would not tell her directly but discuss that w her and see if she can figure it out on her own. If you tell her she will be devastated to learn the news, she may not believe you and he maybe able to convince her you are wrong/lying. If he does she will assume you are out to get her or you are trying to steal him from her.
If you dont tell her and she finds out the truth and then finds out you knew she will be humiliated and hurt - in either case somehow you can comeout the bad guy.
I would have your husband try and talk to him - it is a far safer road to go down and see what your friends husband does from there before you get involved.

Answer 5

I would want to know! If tables were turned would you want to know? Maybe send an anonymous letter with the other woman's name so she can check it out or confront her husband on her own. I agree with other answers that you don't want to meddle in what is not your business but she needs to know. I am also wondering if your husband would be just telling his friend so they could cover it up and wonder what your husband is morally thinking. Its not just something that the friend can move on with and pretend it didn't happen. That's not fair to the wife. I'm so sorry for the situation and wish you and your friend the very best of luck in this sad situation.

Answer 6

I say find a convenient way for his wife to find out, don't get too involved because things tend to happen and you don't want to be in the middle when it does. I agree that she needs to know, I know I would want to know. Make sure you have proof, no one wants to hear something like that without some type of proof-positive attachment on it. Send pictures, make a phone call, there are a few things you can do, without being all in it. Good luck!

Answer 7

There you go... you have the answer to your question.. this days is to many infections and death outthere for you to sit and watch your friend be in some real bad situation and think of the guilt you are going to feel when she tells you she is sick.. and how madd she will be when she learn you know about it and did nothing to protect her.. be a friend and tell your friend and the rest is up to her.good luck.

Answer 8

The wife needs to know. Since you are friends you can bring it up. It is something I would want to know - there cant be secrets like this. It may hurt but the pain that could come from a continued affair is devastating.

Answer 9

The sad reality is that it is not your problem.
Ever heard the saying about killing the messenger.
Telling her turns you from a concerned friend into a meddling
interference.

Talk to him if you must do something and stay around for the fallout.
You are of the opinion that you know what's going on. From the outside you rarely do.
Concentrate your efforts on preventing it from happening in your own home.

Just think what happens if your assumptions are wrong, how do you fix it?

Answer 10

Part of me wants to say, Confront the husband and call him on the carpet, and make him come clean with her.

But the other part of me says, if she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her, it could really hurt her. Especially over this type of information.

That's a toughy.

Personally, I would probably have a talk with her, maybe walk around the subject for a while, and see if she has any doubts about his fidelity. If she asked, I'd simply have to tell her.

Answer 11

The main part of your situation with which I'm having trouble is, "I know that he is cheating on her." How do you know that? Did you see him actually having sex with the other woman? I find that highly unlikely! You are stating as fact something that you suspect. Maybe somebody told you they were having sex. Even still, that's second-hand information. If someone told you, did the person who told you actually see them having sex? Again, highly unlikely. In my opinion, it would be cruel of you to burden your friend with rumors or speculation. If she later discovers that her husband has, indeed, cheated on her, and asks you why you did not tell her about it, you should rightfully answer that you did not KNOW.