Marriage Problems?

Question

Hi I have been with my husband for 11 years, we have 2 kids. The problem with me is I feel that I don't love my husband anymore. I have felt this way for many years. I do love him in some terms, but I ain't "in love" with him. One of the main reasons I married him was because I hated being on my own, I'd had my heart broken from a previous love. I am at college at the moment, I am trying to educate myself so I can get a decent job. I feel trapped with my husband because he's the bread winner, and I can't support my family if we were to split. To make matters worse I have recently met someone else, even though we are trying to be just friends. He said he will wait for me for however long it takes. He is 11 years younger than me, I'm 34 he's just turned 23. I sort of feel he's too young to take on me and 2 kids. He makes me feel SO happy though. I am thinking of maybe a trial seperation with my husband. But at the moment I feel SO confused! :-(

Answer 1

i know how you feel. i am going through pretty much the same thing right now. you need to ask yourself one thing. are you willing to compremise everything you have now with your husband and your children for this other guy. and will you really be truely happy? unfortunatley, we never know whats around the corner, but perhaps its time to put yourself first. we cant spend the rest of our lives wondering 'what if'.

Answer 2

You have too many things going on at the moment and the last thing you need is to embark on an affair with a man much younger than you. You have said that you don't love your husband anymore, but you havn't said that you are unhappy.

Many people are in marriages where the couples are more like friends who have sex at times rather than lovers. This happens after 11 years of marriage.

You stated that you have a problem being on your own. This is evident because you have JUST recently met someone else and already, you are planning for him to take you on and 2 KIDS!!! - what makes you think that this is fair for a young man to do this. You need stability in your life by this 23 year old college student CANNOT PROVIDE IT and you will find yourself heartbroken again.

Be grateful that your husband is the breadwinner because most certainly this 23yr will not be. Be grateful that your husband loves you and your children are happy and safe. Also be grateful that you are trying to better yourself perhaps, when you realise how lucky you are, you will remember all the things you love about your husband and try to rebuild a relationship again. Don't be tempted to run off with anyone for a bit of fun because it is likely you will regret it.

You need to also address your emotional dependancy on men. If you decide to leave your husband he will be obligated to financially provide for you and your children. DO NOT JUMP INTO A RELATIONSHIP SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CANNOT BE ON YOUR OWN. think about building a relationship with your two children without their father around, you will find that this is a long and difficult process.

Answer 3

You got married because you was lonely. Now you have attention from someone else and feel like it's a get out. Serious thought is needed before you tear your family apart. Saying that though, if you are not happy then you should do the right thing and leave. There is no reason why you should be unhappy for the rest of you life. Don't jump into anything with this 23 year old though. He might be sincere but more than likely he's making promises to get a bit of passion. Don't through everything away and then end up with nothing.

Answer 4

You have a history of clinging to any man who happens to fill the void at the time. You get too involved for all the wrong reasons--want out and then you repeat the entire scenario over again....only to have it happen again.and again. The reasons are probably deep seated---the fix is easy---get away from this kid and stop the dreaming--get a grip and work at what you have. You feel no love because you don't want to feel any love--easier to just walk out....not at all mature. Your family is your top priority---not some kid in school. Get back to the family and start doing the right thing...you are supposed to be a role model for your 2 kids---they will see you taking the easy way out and they will figure it must be OK to do that---and it isn't--you know that!!!Finish your schooloing--it is an accomplishment to be proud of--and if you want a job--go get one--plenty of moms work--as well as dads. You are also exhibiting a lack of self respect---you are beating yourself up for some reason---better get that fixed...fast.Millions of people have issues in relationships--the main issue always seems to be COMMUNICATIONS--get going and talk to the man you married--rekindle that love and enjoy a nice normal, happy life. good luck Smile and have some fun with the kids---get going.

Answer 5

Get away from the young kid, this can only be trouble for you and the kids.
You are married for 11 years, sometimes couples do fall out of love for various reasons but that does not mean that you cant make it work again. You do your part and find out what is the actual reason and act upon it.
Do not throw your & your kids life away for a 23 years guy. He is not worth it. Your husband is the person you must care and save your marriage.

Good Luck

Answer 6

I think you really need to weigh everything up, in a way it could be because you feel more independent now you are at college, for the first time in ages you can be "you" instead of mummy and wife...... you maybe feel different about yourself and have started to question if the new you is happy with what the old you had.....take care though, its flattering to have the attention of the younger guy, but will he really want to play happy families...... you could lose everything for something that sounds good but may not have any reality behind it.

Answer 7

You shouldn't have married in the first place really-but you have been with your hubby for 11yrs now, and have two children together-so it couldn't have been all that bad...unless of course you have been running on auto-pilot for 11yrs, 'living a lie' as it were. You owe your hubby-AND yourself to a certain extent, at least a couple of counselling sessions, just to see if you can fix this...if it cannot be fixed, then you know what to do, but you MUST go through the proper channels, you owe your hubby that much at least, seeing that YOU are the one who is unhappy in the marriage. You will be a lot more unhappy if you and Mr toyboy start messing about before all is settled between you and your hubby-not to mention the fact that the fall out with all this will be devastating for your children...the children ALWAYS get hurt. Please try to do the right thing in the right way.

Answer 8

You really need to work on you and you need to learn how to fall in love with your husband. You obviously did not marry him for the right reasons BUT he is your husband now and you chose him so i feel you should live with the choice you made and make the best of it. Seek counseling and help to learn how to be a wife to him and fall in love with him. You may also want to go to marriage counseling together. You need to get rid of this other person in your life and be with just your husband and make things work. NO i do not feel that a trial seperation is good for now until you try all you can do to save and work on the marriage first. If all else fails then yes a trial seperation but you definitley do not need other guys in your marriage and life. You should not feel trapped with your husband at all you should love your husband and be the wife you are to be to and for him.

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Answer 9

Only you can decide this one - although having someone in reserve (the 23 year old) can be very flattering you really need to sort out your marriage issues first - if you seek marriage guidance and the end result is still to split then fine - after which you can investigate a new relationship further - too untidy emotionally to try to run two relationships at once even if one of them is on the way out.

Answer 10

It sounds as if history is repeating itself. You married your husband cause you weren't happy being alone. You have now found someone who piques your interest and makes you feel, I would assume, how your husband made you feel all those years ago.

If you feel the need to leave, then you need to leave because it is just going to make you more and more unhappy as time passes. It doesn't sound as if this 23 year-old pushed your decision or anything, so leave before you make yourself a cheater and hurt your hubby even further.

Answer 11

I heard it said that 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce.I been married 16 years,4 kids.Its tough at times,but wood not want to hurt anyone.You should try and make it work for kids sake.I am not so sure the young guy will make things better.He may be too young for you.You are in a pickle,try thinking about kids,its not always about us.