6 year Marriage... should I fight for it or cut my losses?

Question

My husband and I have been married for just over 6 years. We have had issues pretty much the whole time we've been together -- between infidelities, fighting, etc. We've split up time and time again and always end up back together. I always have faith that things will change (on both of our parts because it's not a one sided situation -- it takes two after all). However, things never do. The unfaithfulness has stopped but, the fighting is getting worse. I can't even sit and talk to my husband without it turning into a battle. The thing is, now we have a 2 year old and I'm 8 months pregnant with our second child. I'm afraid of what effect this constant fighting is having on my 2 year old and what's going to happen when this new baby comes. I've suggested counselling but there is always an excuse, "I'm too busy" being the biggest one. It's been 6 years... is there any hope of change or should I just cut my losses and move on?

To answer a question... there have been infidelities on both sides.

Just to let everyone know... I'm actually being more tolerant of everything now that I am 8 months pregnant, as I am trying not to stress myself out. So, I don't think this has anything to do with the hormonal thing.

Answer 1

i use to hope my marriage would get better, but when i asked him to go to counseling he asked for a divorce and had been in an affair over 2 years. wasted 10 years on this man and things never did get any better. living alone is much better than living in a toxic relationship. he is not going to change, isn't happy where he is in life, and takes it out on u. best to get out of it and find someone new than to keep wasting time on someone who isn't willing to go to therapy or do anything that might work.

Answer 2

I think you both need to sit down and discuss this. 6 years is a long time, to just cut your losses. I'm not the type of person that would stay in a marriage just cos of the children; but at 8 months pregnant, this is a situation, I would definately try to salvage. You say ur husband says he's'too busy' to go to marriage counselling, so why not call one of the companies that have counsellors come to your own home. Be a little sneaky- delve into his diary or whatever and pick a time you know he will be at home; a day that is maybe a little quieter, and pick the time that he is mor complacebnt; maybe after lunch when he's full or something like that. arrange for the counsellor to come over and don't tell him til she s there. i dont think he'll walk out if she or he is in the actual house.
i wish yu all the luck in the world
c
xxx

Answer 3

It is always easy to say but not easily done. You have kids, think of them.
All families have differences but an effort must be made to save the marriage.
Pick a time, when you are both relaxing at home and make the approach to talk. Since you want advice, you make the first move to talk, use all powers to restrain from making it an argument or quarrel, use soft words and be gentle. You can also use a third person ( trusted and liken by both of you) to mediate and talk.

Never, never try to break up the marriage in the first place, always try to save it.

Good Luck

Answer 4

I wouldn't suggest making any kind of life altering decisions at this particular point, because you are 8 months pregnant. I don't know how you are with the whole hormonal thing, but personally I know I wasn't exactly a rational being all the time at that point. Could be the pregnancy is aggrivating things. At this point, the two of you need to do some compromising at least to bring this new baby into the world well. Then you need to work on your problems. You don't say what the source of the arguements is, or what the issues are, but the two of you are old enough to swap spit and make babies, so you should be old enough to sit down and have a rational discussion without descending into a battle. Perhaps the two of you could give having a simple conversation a try, and for a change- you refuse to rise to the bait and lose your temper. An arguement takes two to maintain, and if you refuse to take your share, he'll either have to calm down or look and feel like an idiot. Then perhaps you two can iron out exactly what the problems are and what you can do or are willing to do to settle things. Perhaps he doesn't realize things are this far gone, and that alone would sober him up to facts. At any rate, you have two kids to consider, and you both have responsibilities to them that far outweigh the wants of both of you. Time you both started taking things out of the scream zone and back into the grownup parent zone. You are both presumably mature adults, and need to act like a pair of them. There are two kids already- no need to add two more because that won't solve anything. Speak with your husband like a rational adult and treat him like you expect him to be one. Marriage counselling would be the ideal, but first you need to both learn to talk and act like you are humans.

Answer 5

Giving up because something is hard is seldom the right answer for anything in life -- if it is important -- which a family is, especially considering the children.

Howeve, if you can't agree on what either or both of you should do to improve matters, it is unlikely change will occurs.

Therefore, you must get help from someone that can teach you and help you both to apply principles in marriage that will lead to reasonable happiness.

People that actually apply Bible principles in marriage tend to have more success and at least have a guideline that they both can agree to.

I would recommend you find someone that can teach you to apply such principles. If you do apply them, you will see improvement - not perfection, but improvement.

Answer 6

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/VtHvK

Answer 7

only you know if there is hope.if you truely want counseling you should let him know this is a make or break type of thing in your relationship .and if you feel things can never change then the best thing to do is move you and your child into a stable home where she feels safe .it may be that you cant live together ,i have friends who are married ,they broke up all the time and got back together but there need for personal space always got in there way some people need space maybe try separate homes for awhile go back to dating .good luck

Answer 8

Have you noth been to marriage counseling for this marriage yet? This marriage is in really bad shape right now. Seek marriage counseling for now and if this does not work then i feel you have done everything possible to try and save this marriage and it it time to let go.... Please go to http:// www.drphil.com and email them for help witth this situation. They may be able to offer you some help and guidance. I hope you can work on and save the marriage together and get past things. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 9

I would say get out while you can. Your kids don't need to hear or see mom and dad fighting. It would teach the kids that that's the way it's supposed to be.
Besides that, you should worry about diseases.

I've been married for almost 5 years now, and we have never had an argument, nor have we cheated on each other.

Answer 10

Depends on your values - how you view a family should be. Depends on how you value your marriage - if you still love him.
There is always two sides in a coin and the only best answer should come from you because it will affect you and your children.