I left my abusive husband nearly 2 months ago. We were together for 13 years and he was primarily verbally and emotionally but has been physical in the past. We have a daughter 7 and a son 5. I left because I wanted a better life for my kids and myself. For some reason I have been going back and forth with my emotions. He lost our house(didn't pay for 7 months, went into foreclosure). He brings home about $900 a week and used to give me about $50-$60 a weekwhen he felt like it. Would give me the silent treatment for weeks and scream in my face and call me names. Why do i still care? He filed for divorce on Jan. 22 and has had over 6 times in these 2 weeks to serve me but the papers are on his dresser( he has an apartment and i moved in with my mom). We have made love several times. He goes back and forth being nice then telling me I'm a cancer that eats away at him and he's sick of me riding his back(mind u I worked and paid bills before I was laid off). how do i let go and move on?!
2007-02-07 19:43:24 · 8 answers · asked by Veronique 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey. I'm the one who just emailed you all of that information. I was responding to another question that you asked. I didn't realize it until just now that that question was asked six months ago. I just found this question. So you left him?
Well, I was responding to the question where you asked what the Bible said about your situation. I hope you have had a chance to read my emails.
You should go back to him. I know everyone is going to say that it is crazy. Do you want to know what the world thinks (that has a terrible divorce/remarriage/rebellious children rate) or do you want to know what the Bible says?
If he is physically abusing you, call the police and have him arrested. You will remain faithful to your marriage covenant and you will show him your respect and love by obeying 1 Peter 3:1.
You can visit him in jail and bring the kids to see their father. God will bless you by obeying His Word.
No, God does not want you to be abused. But He also wants you to keep your covenant-the one you made before GOD. You can protect yourself and your children AND be faithful to your covenant at the same time. You do this by taking my advice.
Return to him, if he is willing. You will probably have to change first in order for him to see that you are serious. And you do need to change anyway, because if you remarry you will have the same problem. Remember, the problem that you said in your other question that you knew you had not been a good wife, either?
When he returns, if he abuses you, have him arrested. He will be forced to answer to the government and to God for his actions. This way you can minister to him without interference.
1 Peter 3:1-2
"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear."
2007-02-11 11:11:45 · answer #1 · answered by diamond8784 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU DESERVE THE DIVORCE BECAUSE ITS THE ONLY GOOD THING HE GAVE YOU. FREEDOM FROM HIM.
maybe he's really not into you. heck he's really not into you! I Think you're wonderfull and you deserve better than that rotten guy.I want to share to you the following
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you,nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as youdeserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat afriend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Maintain boundaries in
howa guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man knoweverything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man'sbehavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing
less.Never let a man define who you are.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the ending...compromise is a two way street. You need time to
heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should
never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are and you're alwaysreadily available to him - he takes it for granted.
2007-02-07 19:56:06 · answer #2 · answered by Pensive heart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u still care because he is the father of your kids, love just doesn't die, and when we have lived with abuse for so long we tend to see it as normal and not all that bad. he is selfish making good money and not taking care of his family. stop sleeping with him, every time u sleep with him it is going to bring back emotions and old habits, he clearly wants rid of his responsibility here, wants to do what he wants to do, doesn't want to be a father and a husband, wants his freedom. have some self respect and don't sleep with him anymore. file for some child support, get a new job, and end it with him. if u don't let go this is going to be your life forever.
2007-02-07 21:47:57 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all stop sleeping with him.
Get the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans and you will suddenly feel much more sane when you read it.
You can't live with someone for that long without having feelings for them that will live on. Just because you still have feelings of love for him doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings though.
Time is the best healer, time and distance, give yourself both.
2007-02-07 19:51:10 · answer #4 · answered by imdpo 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is going to take a lot of courage and faith on your part. You need to make a decison and stick to it, don't go back you your decision. Remember it will be best for your kids to have a stable life. Think of your kids they are depending on you. Never give up, it is not an easy thing to do but you have no choice but to seek a better life. May God bless you and your family (kids and mom).
2007-02-07 19:52:08 · answer #5 · answered by Jane_Doe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As long as you are willing to have sex with him, you can't move on. He was abusive but he's the one filing for divorce?! It sounds like you don't want the life you have grown accustomed to to be over. You need to get those papers, sign them, and stop seeing him physically.
2007-02-07 19:51:56 · answer #6 · answered by jax0817 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing like having your strings pulled...Have faith in God. When doors are shut others open. Pray! He will restore the years you sown it tears.
2007-02-08 21:51:27 · answer #7 · answered by Jerry S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get on a plane to fiji and find a really hot cabana boy!
2007-02-07 19:45:51 · answer #8 · answered by Danielle C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋