Should I Hate My DAd ? ? ? ? ? ?

Question

ok here is the deal i was raised in a very religious home by a dad who did nothing but preach and read the bible and go to church both parents did, i dont hate him for that but i went my own way religiously and still up to 2 months ago he preaches everytime i talk to him, now last month my mom called me to tell me that my dad had left her and moved out of there house that me and my dad built and that he would call her and bash her one day and the next want to work things out. now i finally sent my mom money to get her own place and she has filed for a divorce, now my dad calls her and tells her she is worthless and no one will ever love her or want her, and he threatens her now should i hate him for teaching me not to do what he is doing to my mother .

Answer 1

Please read, Bryan, there is wisdom here I hope..I am sorry I didn't see religion problems..please read between lines and filter out religion if you have to..I wrote from my own belief system but most of this not about religion. I am worried about you and ask you please read and reflect..I didn't realize how bad situation was with dad till read your other question..my answer is below.

I understand..today I feel I hate my mom so much..too many criticisms and cruelties and I snapped, but our feelings are our feelings. It is hard when we know the thing is wrong to do but kind of can't help it..harder still if they deserve it, but it usually destroys you far more than them. I type seething with underlying anger covering hurt so deep. I do not understand how she reconcile what she says to do with what she does...what her religious talks at church that led all to praise her virtue while at home we stand all neglected and dealing with her meanness. She places church above family..God does not say do this..I think she does it as she gets there what is lacking at home but she is different there. she placed priorities out of whack..win the world but ruin our kids hearts. with pain for lonliness. This is not God's way..he says if you don't love your relatives right there how can you say you love God.

I think you were a good son to help your mom..she needs a good man to love her and to lean on now..this will build your own charactor and your relationship with mother and eventually a spouse..rejoice in that. Divorce is painful for all involved but I think women more. Her faith helps her but also pulls her back to mnore eventual abuse. Women in dv counseling went back to abuse as they thought divorce was wrong or sin and it is but he broke the bond to love her as Christ loves the body..Malachi says if you hurt the wife of your youth, God will not hear your prayers. Pity your dad..

It sounds like the traits of a domestic violence abuser your dad has..even if he never hit..he controls with his words,,he manipulates and shapes and sounds so typical..

he is afraid she will really leave and maybe he messed it up while at the same time angry for his own stuff he projects to her. Pity him as he is messed up. Encourage your mom to call a women's DV crisis line..find out where they have group counseling and go..some women suffer horrific physical violence and some just emotional or verbal abuse but the pattern glares very similar in control issues and other signs. He is trying to hurt her by manipulating her feelings and confuse..nice one day rotten the next..throw her off balance typical behavior of DV offender...so typical. He thrives in controlling her emotions and likes confusing her..sorry to say it brings abusers pleasure. Keep her away.

Perhaps your dad was abused as a kid like most DV abusers. Just go tell her and insist..tell her don't talk if you can't---- just listen..keep going at least three or four times before stopping and saying it is not for her..if you don't like one group and they have more try another. He will hurt her most..he will be charming to lure her back..he may stalk her. Support group is informal and you learn and share hope and see where it might lead..if he is one, she must not go back as it may and usually does wind up with serious injury or death. I do not believe in divorce but if he is an abuser which your paragraph suggests based on my rather extensive reading, this group may save her life as most victims go back but with counseling (mostly it;s women just talking on suggested topics by facilitator) she will see the pattern and where she could be and learn from others. I am serious I think he is one. Do not let her go back to him..help her see what her needs are and how to meet them..maybe school or displaced homemaker program or career counseling or job...etc..how to met needs for friends, money, and roles he played in her life so she won't be vulnerable to going back..


Sadly many Christians are hypocrites but usually they are unaware or blind to it. It is hard for parents especially ones who religion is very important to to see their kids choice another religion..they worry and feel not only you reject the god/faith they base their life on but you reject them. This is hard especially if the person is controlling/Strong willed. Focus on you and your mom, ask God to help you understand your dad and reveal how he was parented and nurtured or unnurtured and see how that affected him.

.try to forgive by telling God..I can't right now..the feelings are too raw and new and the hypocrisy so glaring but I know you Love him, god..give me some of your love for him as I have so little and help me forgive. I am willing to eventually forgives him for love of you but I need time and help..and when the feelings heal more and with love of God and yourself as hate destroys us with anger etc..say I forgive or I have forgiven a good part..please help me Lord and then you may write a letter of all the things he did to hurt you and how you forgive him to the best you can and then hold onto it three days..after that wither burn up or sent to him. Just because you forgive him, does not mean you must see him or see him often..let him meet you a little way and earn back your respect.

If he is decent at the core, time will help him and if he is not move on fathering yourself and maybe your mom and of course yours (future or present) kids or kids you volunteer to help and while fathering them visualize you seeing little you in a painful situation involving dad and talk to little you as a grown up and nurture him and talk to him with the view of explaining how dad's life and weaknesses were at fault (if they were) and not you little mini me and give yourself a big hug and caress in your mind's eye.

Be a better father than he and if you shared blame with time admit it and go and apologize or at least admit to God and seek forgiveness..I once knew a guy who was obsessed with bible verses and charts etc..literally obsessed and he treated his wife like a slave..she just had a c section less than 5 days ago and he ordered her around asking for beer, snacks etc when he was right there steps away, She got multiple sclerosis and was hospitalized in nursing home and he had kids. His sister told me..his daughter gave a teen crush boyfriend and he was mad/jealous ?? and he bashed their pet cat throwing it against the wall leaving it with broken bones and told his daughter if he saw the kid around her he would do the same thing to the boy suiter. she stopped seeing the boy for fear of his safety..I later heard they found out he sexually abused his own daughter maybe age 11 or 12..they took away the kids as he went to jail and poor mom could not care for herself let alone kids. I saw her weeping as they placed her children for adoption but she knew she said it had to be done..she felt guilty for leaving the kids with him but I think she never thought he'd do that..such a sad tale..life's ruined by this guy who talked religion day and night..not all who do this are based but some are...they rarely see their badness and justify it and their actions..they are the victims.

Love yourself, mom, and those in your life be willing someday to try to forgive dad and ask God to heal your heart and your mom's and maybe help your dad..forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean you see your dad or see him unsupervised bring a friend or uncle or something if you visit him..leave with an excuse if it starts to turn ugly. If you feel you hate him ask forgiveness, feel it as sometimes we must to heal and even fantasize revenge but do not act on it..tell God your emotions are out of control right now and as for help/guidance. If you don't release rage, it will eat you up ad damage your heart. Exercise to release frustration..box or something vigorous..hit pillows if you must

Does God want us to hate no is hate a human emotion et..how many never felt it..very few. You are human just try to release quickly..journal or type letters don't send..put your feelings on paper get it out of you and then put God and love in its place if not for dad for mom and you and friends etc and save a place to put him there someday with God's help. Tell your mom the worth she has been to you..build her self esteem as she did yours with love and praise, tell her her good traits men would like in her, give her time, tell her dad is wrong, she has this pretty feature and that and she has (fill in blank..heart, brains, loyalty, patience, sense of humor..whatever that any man would like. Rebut what he says.

Thank God for the bible verses you read as a child ..the seed is good even if spread by a bad sower..let it take root...if you had to sum the whole bible in words it is love..love god and neighbor as yourself..so do this. also recharge your own life, interests, and batteries by doing stuff you love and making time, too, for you.

I wish you well, sweetheart.

Answer 2

You should never hate anyone. Your dad has probably given his life to his ministry and never thought that he would be in the situation that he is in. Regardless of what caused the divorce, he and your mother has had to face reality. Divorce can happen to anyone. There is nothing good about it. Try to understand that he is trying to convience her that without him, her life is worthless. he wants her back because he may still love her and there is the image thing going on here. Love is a funny thing. Don't hate him, just kindly remind him of what he preached and what he taught you. Time is a great healer.

Answer 3

Don't hate your dad. If you hate someone in your heart, You are consider a murderer in your heart. Now, what is done is done. You cannot change history. Ever think of why your dad wanna do this? Ever put yourself in your dad situation? Ever think of why your dad say these things to make your mum sad/angry? U had to find out the real reason before You conclude. I'm sure your dad has his own reason for doing so. Now, the most important thing is not to hate your dad, but to care for your mum and take good care of her..

We can choose our friends, our pets, our food, our furniture But not our parents. God gave Them you, and god gave you them. so treasure them. Don't hate. FAMILY means, Father And Mother I Love You. Divorce or what, doesn't mean your dad don't love you and it's not the reason for u to hate your dad. Since this is the reality, then accept it.. =)

take care..
be happy..
be strong..
*smile*

babe_fox

Answer 4

sometimes people get into all the religious stuff due to control issues. maybe you're just now realizing there was a problem all along?

hate him if you like for now. to everything is a season...as you have probably heard. but in time you'll learn to forgive him (which doesn't mean forget what he's done). forgiveness is a process, so no rush there.

i'm glad you could be there for your mom, but sounds like she needs to get some help professionally. she may have co-dependency issues that would predispose her to continue allowing your dad to behave abusively towards her. this is your parents issue between them. don't let it consume your life.

if you find this continues affecting the quality of your life, then seek professional help too. life is short. live well.

Answer 5

Yeah hate him.

Answer 6

No one can tell you to hate your dad. You don't have to like what he does, but that doesn't mean you hate him. Just be there for your mom right now and try not to deal with your dad for the time being. Once he realizes all that he is losing from his actions, maybe he will come to his senses. Good luck!

Answer 7

Support and protect you mom, she needs you right now, she's probably going through an extremely hard time right now. Stand by your mother, and as for your father? I suggest you make it clear to him that you won't stand for the B.S. if worst comes to worst, hate will do nothing, but scorn will. Hate is a useless emotion after all, as are all emotions really.

Answer 8

There is no question about it. Your father is very wrong. However, you should not hate him. The best thing you can do is let God take care of him. Believe me, no one can get a point across to someone better than God. You are doing right by making sure your mom is ok. Take care of her, make sure she is safe, but let God deal with your dad. Take care.

Answer 9

Remember one thing ,Dad's are only human there are none that are perfect. He could be going through what is called "mid life crisis ".Or he could just be going through some other type of emotional conflicts. Try talking to him openly it could be something simple that has him very discouraged or it could be health issues such as an illness . Instead of being angry talk to him.See if there is something you can do to help. Also take care of your Mom, she is going through alot as well.

Answer 10

Hate is a very strong thing.

I was raised by a very Religous mother and thats just not my thing.

religous people are kinda one sided and have one track minds (all god all the time)

which tends to make them blind, and makes them think that anything ungodly to them is bad.

my mom wouldnt let us watch hary potter because the church said it was bad. But the Lord of The Rings is her favorite movie lol.

dont hate him pity him

lol maybe you should pray for him? ;op

Answer 11

This is not your real father. Our Lord Jesus is. I am very sorry you have a mean father and boy when he meets the Lord when he dies he better look out. God will have him pay the consequences. You need to talk to your Mom and to your school counselor about it. You can't deal with this alone. I would even call Social Services if you have to. Call Teen Hotlines. They can guide you.