What's the funniest thing you or your friends have said lately?

Question

Here is my example:

I was with my two best friends; let's call them Jim and Bob. For whatever reason, Jim announced that he was going to stare at me. He stared, but eventually, Bob said something and diverted his attention.

Bob then said, "Something's wrong with you, Jim. If you can't stare at an object for a long time..." There was more, but I don't remember it because it occurred to me that I was the "object" that Jim couldn't stare at. So when Bob finished talking, I said, "And if you call a woman an object, you're never going to get a wife."

Later on, in an unrelated conversation, Bob said he did not want to get married anyway, so that ruined my joke.

Answer 1

I'm a self-made woman, and I worship my creator.

Answer 2

To day in English class one of my class mates and partner in group activities was asked to answer what the object was of a Halloween hand and what do you think the use of it was He said it was perverted which made the whole class laugh at the poor instructor's fine example of (explain what object this is)

Answer 3

Well, I was working the night shift. We have one bathroom in our lounge for men and women. I was griping about the men who cannot seem to make it in the toilet when my boys have been able to since they were three. This guy Daniel says, "Well some of you ladies are not all that clean either. I have gone in there after some woman has been in there and it is like. . . . . .mayonaise. It did not exactly taste like mayonaise though." I laughed so hard I nearly wet my pants.

Answer 4

PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY RACIST JOKES !!!!!!!!

Note that the following joke is very racist, even though I am by no means a racist person.

USA was playing a friendly match of soccer with Mexico. A Mexican player had a rough tackle on an American player. Whistle blew, the referee came over and gave the Mexican a Green Card.

What is fobilicious Xiao Tan's favorite stock?
General Tsao chicken

Answer 5

My best friend has 2 sons- 2 years and 6 years old. They were all watching "Deal or no Deal" and the little 2 year old told his big brother, The million dollars is in the #11 case!" Long story short, REMARKABLY, the winning million dollar case WAS #11, and the baby's older brother goes, "MAN COLBY, YOU'RE A SIDEKICK!!!" (PSYCHIC!) It was cute! =)

Answer 6

"I'm gonna smoke some coffee and drink a cigarette"

EDIT: Yeah, and I just remembered that one: Once there was a concert at my school and a friend of mine was announcing what's coming next. There were guitar players and violin players. The word "violin" sounds like "cigulka" in my language. So she had to announce that next was coming that performance on guitar and "cigulka" and what she said was: "And now you are going to hear a performance on cigar..." LOL
And that in front of all the students,teachers and parents! Everyone pissed themselves laughing!

Answer 7

in chapel my pastor was saying there was this girl at the center she worked at that had sex at 11 and again at 12 with a 35 year old man who gave the girl aids and my friend whispers"why dont we have a girl like that" funniest sheit ever

Answer 8

My son went outside to put recycling in the box without his coat on (it's cold here).When he came back in I said cold?And he said yeah and it's hard on the nipples too!I almost peed my pants laughing ,he is 11.

Answer 9

One of my friends got into an arguement with this boy and called him a fat oompa-loompa, and a tacky grease monkey! I thought it was pretty funny!

Answer 10

ima a straight guy and have a suzuki motorcycle, my guy friend is also straight but decided to say, hey i wanna ride in the back and wrap my arms around you ever so tightly ahahaha