About once a year while fighting with my husband he will bully me backwards not really pushing me but walking into me so I have no choice but to move. He has pushed me out of rooms. He yanked me out of bed once. Last week he cornered me in the kitchen and refused to let me leave for about 20 minutes all the while shouting at the top of his lungs. Everytime I would try to make a break for it he would grab my arm and pull me back. When I finally did escape he locked me and my 1 year old daughter out of the house. We were in the garage but he would not let me in to get my other two children untill I promised to think about our life together. I left that night. He has never hit me or otherwise left any type of bruise or mark. Our marriage has been pretty rocky emotially and we have been in counselling for about 2 months and things were actually getting better between us. He has asked me and the kids to come home. He was pretty scary that night and I am just not sure how to move forward.
2007-02-07 16:54:13 · 17 answers · asked by Karen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There is no fine line here.He is abusing you.Personally speaking from experience.I would suggest.You speak to the counselor the two of you are seeing prior to moving forward and moving back home with him.In order to get their perspective,thoughts and advice on the situation.The counselor would be able to give you an outside unbiased opinion.Help you decide.What is in the best interest of you and your children at this time?
2007-02-07 17:29:03 · answer #1 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not sure about moving back, then it is probably not the right time to move back. Keep up with the counseling. What he was doing to you is verbal and emotional abuse--and could very well lead to physical abuse. Cultivate the relationship from separate homes and always protect your children when he is around them. It is not a good idea to let him with the children unsupervised. If you are uncomfortable with him yet, meet in public places, where it is easy to yell for help if you need it. Only when you are sure you are comfortable with this man should you think about moving back. Legally, he needs to be supporting both you and the children also, and if he throws fits about that, it is not a good sign of his willing to change for the better.
2007-02-07 17:12:48 · answer #2 · answered by Katykins 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its obvious that you love your husband, but you have to think about your children and your futures, Its only a matter of time before he hits you. How much are you willing to take are you willing to gamble with your life or your childrens lives? If you go back make sure its on your terms. Try that counseling thing with you outside of the house see if he is really sorry and willing to truly change. In the mean time get yourself together!!!! Get a job (if you don't have one) and go to school parttime ( if your not enrolled) Get some backbone and some foundation under your feet. If it doesn't work out with you and your husband, a least you and the children can stand on you own without him!! goodluck
2007-02-07 17:08:30 · answer #3 · answered by sayj 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are in the USA I believe that conduct could be considered Domestic violence and you could call the police. That is not likely to improve the situation much though , but does give you a chance to get your kids and leave.
The risk is that the violence will get worse , or when your kids are older , he will start the same thing with them .
Only you can decide if its worth trying to save the marriage. Think carefully on what is causing these fights.
If you can arrange it a trial seperation may help you and him sort out whats most important.
2007-02-07 17:09:24 · answer #4 · answered by mark 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are several categories of abuse, the worst of which is physical. Physical abuse is to intentionally cause body harm, with or without scars and marks --- that is just a matter of proof. If you are being touched or handled roughly, it is getting there.
Verbal abuse is the use of foul language and high volume meant to intimidate others. Mental abuse is to play games with the victim's mind, including isolation, scare tactics (but not necessarily verbal abuse), and so forth.
It all boils down to if the person is intrinsically violent because the line between verbal and physical abuse is very thin. Much harder to prove mental abuse. You risk putting yourself and children in physical danger by accepting his pleas without his own admission of faults and agreement to seek help.
2007-02-07 17:14:40 · answer #5 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An abuser is a jerk, I really feel bad for you.. what you need to do is go to counseling and find a way to communicate you wants and fears though the 3rd party , maybe then he might listen. If you can bring you marriage to a peaceful way of life Get the hell away from that crazy jerk!!!!
2007-02-07 17:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by Bonduesa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime anyone lays there hands on you in a negative and unwanted manner it is abuse. He should NEVER touch you in a harsh manner. If your not comfortable going back now don't. A woman's best survival tool in anything is her instinct. Always follow your gut feeling. If he really loves you and plans to stop this type of behavior then he should be willing to give you all the time you need away from him. He should also be understanding and patient by giving you all the time you need (guilt and ridicule free) to feel safe and comfortable about going back.
2007-02-07 17:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by mccmb02 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you may not have any marks but their are many forms of abuse. Think of the kids And if you go back what will that be saying to them. That its ok to be in an abusive relationship. I don't think so abusive relationships are hard to get out of I'm working on that myself but keep it up i know you can do it we as women have to be strong for our kids.
2007-02-07 18:17:22 · answer #8 · answered by fun mom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better to stay away before more violent abuse starts. He is most likely acting all nice to lure you back home but deep inside he is fuming. Once he gets you back in the home, he might explode at the next chance.
Don't endanger yourself or your kids!
2007-02-07 17:06:42 · answer #9 · answered by curtf1964 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sweetie....assuming he's just a jerk...why would you still want to go back to him? he's obviously abusive, just because there are no bruises or marks on your skin does not mean he's not, he'll yank you, grab you, scream at you, lock you out...that's abuse. think of your kids and how they would be better off to grow up in a house without anger and violence.
2007-02-07 16:59:50 · answer #10 · answered by Bubuchachum 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋