my poem...make it better?

Question

FORGOTTEN


Carved into a tree
With pen on the bark
Drawn in the cement
By ways of a stick
Written on a wall
Using multicolored markers
Traced into the sand
When the waves were down
As graffiti on a building
In the midst off red spray paint
Hand holding hand
The share of a kiss
With love like a picture
Right before your eyes
It is seen everywhere
But here’s the thing
Bark will chip and fall
To the forgotten ground
Cement is replaced
Paper will be thrown away
In that old forgotten bin
The waves will come
And sweep the words away
The brick will be washed
And the meanings erased
Hands will let go
And never again rejoin
It isn’t all everlasting
The thing is…
Love sometimes disappear

Answer 1

I love how you say all the different ways it's been written. It's choppy at times, but it's really REALLY good. The whole thing makes me really sad, like I need to go out and find the one I truly love. That's really good, make the reader feel it. You want to say so much, but if you have that much to say, don't cram it in a poem too short, but then don't fill it with "air" and make it too long. Get it out of your system, then revise it.

Answer 2

leave it as it is. unless you feel to add more. follow your feelings. your a good writer, you'll end up making the right choice..

Answer 3

i think it would be easier to read if you broke it up into stanzas. other than that, its pretty good.

Answer 4

Luv it!
It moved me!

Reccomondation from me: put it into stanzas, it looks a bit, well, never mind, i think u get wat i mean.
But it's so sweet and kewl!

Answer 5

keep it as is.



very good and it is yours.

Answer 6

! ! ! ! ! !

editor's note: stet (you may need to look it up)

Answer 7

depressing and long...heartfelt. keep it.

Answer 8

do more good