Alright me and my husband moved in together after he came back from his training, we just found out hes getting deployed thing is me and his family had a HUGE fallout, they came to our apt telling him to leave me... reason being because he didnt spend the ENTIRE thanksgiving day with them, we split it in half they broke doors, his mother was saying that he didnt love me, in the end cops came, told them to leave, asked him what he was going to do, and he chose to stay, he still visits them, I dont like it but what can I do honestly? anyways the day of his deployment I know they are going to want to be the ones to see him off, I feel like telling him absolutely not, because I will not be able to say goodbye without probaby getting beat up or something, or one of them, either way I am not liking this idea, what is the best way to organize this?? I hate it how just because they are his parents that they pretty much have "dibbs" on doing this. What should I do?
2007-02-07 15:37:52 · 8 answers · asked by Summer 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know but the thing is hes been away before, they put on such a fake face that they loved me, I was used, but anyways I dont keep him away from them, maybe I will just let them go, that way noone says Im keeping him from them, we were so close before, they were the ones who started everything, I was nothing but nice, until after the move in, they claimed THAT was the way I was keeping him away, not true at all, we were over there at their home at LEAST 3 days out of the week, I feel like I shouldnt be left out just because of actions they've made, that would make him feel uncomfortable, Why do I have to lay in this messy bed they've created? I need good advice
2007-02-07 15:51:29 · update #1
oh yeah I guess I'm putting mine first, I know damn well where hes going, I cry every damn night while hes asleep, I dont think I'm being selfish, I did put that I'm looking for a borderline didnt I? I just wont do a thing and shutup, like a "good wife" is supposed to right....
2007-02-07 16:06:28 · update #2
He is YOUR husband and they are not respecting those boundries. My husband is also Active duty, hes deployed, has been for 7 months. They have crossed a line and HE needs to be the one to tell them that. My husband would never let his family talk to me like that. When I saw him off, we did it alone together. They said their goodbyes the night before. You two are partners and thats what it comes down too. Don;t stoop to their level, but talk to your man, tell him how you feel and that you think they should say goodbye the night before. I wouldnt tell him that they cant come....that may start a bigger issue, possibly between the two of you. Sit with him, pour your heart out and explain to him that this needs to stop, you are hurting. When he married you, you should have become priority over them. This deployment will be hard enough, they have no right to make it worse. Never make your husband pick between you and his family, or insist that they not be there. By you not going around them you are giving them the upper hand. I say, when he goes to visit, you go too. Show them that you are a mature woman, that they arent getting to you. That will drive them crazy but they need to understand you are NOT going anywhere. Talk with him, give him the choice but suggest what you want. good luck
2007-02-07 16:09:35 · answer #1 · answered by cherokee 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My husband is there as we speak, best advice.......................... Put you husband First, do What ever he asks. Ask him what he wants and just do it, its all about him at this point. Be there for him, he needs you ,......and his family!!!!
OMG yes you are being selfish! Why should he have to decide between wife and family, chances are when you "**** him" they'll still be there for him. The deployment is hard on Everyone, more on you husband than You and His Family. You said the vows, for better or worse! What are you willing to give or give up for him!? He is giving his LIFE for You and his Family and his f***ing counrty, people he dont even F****ing Know and you are being like this............. My God, God should not let military men marry such weak a** indecisive women. If you dont like his family FINE BUT DONT MAKE HIM DECIDE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU!!! BE THERE FOR HIMMMM!!! and one more thing, if he cant depend on you now Do you really Think he can while away??? You are the One who needs to make a decision, him and his family or Neither!
2007-02-07 15:48:18 · answer #2 · answered by chaa107 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure that with him deploying, everyone can set the differences aside long enough to tell him goodbye and be safe and everything. Deploying is a big deal and I don't anyone wants to be the one to ruin it. My mother in law and I have never been close, but every since my hubby deployed last month, she calls and checks on me all the time. I know part of it is she knows that he calls me more than anyone else and wants to see what I've heard. Now, I hate to say it.... but people do die.... you would feel horrible if you were the one to take away his last chance to see his family!!! Just something to think about!
2007-02-07 15:45:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truths are:
1. It is up to your husband to choose (either take a stand for you or on his parents' side), no matter hard it is. Some people including me feel very obligated to their blood relatives so I am not gonna beat him up.
2. His family will always be around. You married into this family. If you insist for him to choose, he will resent you even if he chooses you now. If you feel the family is simply too much, maybe you just stay out of the way and not go crazy about being first or second choice.
3. His family and you are fighting over his attention. Have you thought about he is going into harms' way? Can you play hero so he leaves feeling content? Whose feeling are you putting first, yours or his?
2007-02-07 16:00:20 · answer #4 · answered by Sir Richard 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First, you should shake your head and say "I can't believe I married into this." Then learn to stand up for yourself because coming from a violent and abusive family and being a member of the military, puts your husband at risk for abusing you in the years to come. As for the immediate situation, don't you have a brother or male friend that can come with you to see your husband off? That way you'll have someone to protect you until you can learn to protect yourself. I suggest some self defense classes.
2007-02-07 15:51:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your husband decided to marry you, he decided to begin his OWN family with you!! Having extended family is not a necessary thing and unless he wants to spend the rest of his life living with mom and dad, he is going to have to understand this too. The two of you began your lives together and it is now his families responsibility to respect this union. Their parents did it for them and so forth and so forth. His mother and father's job is now done. Your husband is now "husband" first and "son" second.
You should be the one to be there to see him off. He can always go visit with his family the day before to say his goodbyes, but you're wishes need to be honored above his family's. It sounds harsh, but thats the cycle of life. Your marriage now takes precedence and it needs to be prioritized this way or it will always be a fight. The reasons why you are not getting along is irregardless. What is important is that there are clear boundaries regarding your marriage and extended family.
2007-02-07 16:28:15 · answer #6 · answered by gg55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine it relies upon on the severity of the porn habit. it may nicely be an habit, at which element it may weaken your emotional as well as sexual relationship with one yet another. a lady searching for a deeper, extra mature relationship may assume a guy to have grown out of his hormonal rushes. amassing old funds is a pastime. Cooking is a pastime. i does not evaluate porn a pastime a lot as a compulsion, no count the frequency. in the different case women human beings ought to settle for that porn isn't a foul element in and of itself (inspite of the actual shown actuality that some is distasteful or violent, etc). If not, then they ought to stumble on a prude to marry.
2016-11-26 01:38:59 · answer #7 · answered by iatarola 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your hubby should become a man and stand up for you as his primary interest! If he can make the decision to go fight for his country, he should be able to fight for you!
Just because they are his parents and gave birth to him doesn't mean they "own" him. He must be a momma's boy?
2007-02-07 15:45:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋