We have been engaged for 4 months and since then he has changed it is like he is a completly different person. He no longer shows any affection and his excuse for this is that he does not feel like he needs to anymore cos he already has me!, we dont have sex anymore he spends all day and all night on the computer and it is to much hassle to talk to me when i go in for a conversation.
I am moving to queensland on the weekend for 6 months to help my sister out with her kids and while i am up there i want to break up with him but dont know how to do it. we share a house together so that makes it a bit harder cos when we are broken up one of us is going to have to move out. I dont think he thinks there is a problem with our relationship but i dont want to spend the rest of my life in a relationship that i am never going to be happy in.
2007-02-07 15:09:26 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just tell him, hon..
"Sam -- a relationship is more than your just sitting in front of a computer.... now that you think we are "us" I feel rather left out.... Marriage/relationships are admiration, respect, passion and trust... the passion appears to be to be gone, and neither of us has too much admiration nor respect for the other.... Marriages, I feel, are kindnesses, putting your partner first, walks, talks, gentle caresses, kindnesses, time together, and you don't appear really up for any of that. I feel as if you like to be by yourself better than sharing some time with me. While I am gone, you might wish to find a way to dispose of this house, and when I return, we shall see if there is anything at all that we have left to continue with.... Because I'm not willing to go on...as we are now...."
What you don't want to do is accuse him of being a jerk.... You wish to tell him what your needs are, and how you feel... what he chooses to do about it, is his decision.... your words should say, "I need..., I want'..... I feel...." and NOT "YOU are a jerk because, I hate it when you do..... " Are you trying to be stupid when you......."
See the difference? There is no argument on how you feel... There IS a fight when you accuse.....
2007-02-07 15:32:12 · answer #1 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should wait it out a bit before you break up with him. He might be going through some things and is just having a hard time. I think that you should talk to him and tell him that you feel like he's not interested anymore and that your not happy. Maybe by telling him that he'll change and you can find out if anything is wrong with him. Obviously you guys got engaged for a reason... relationships are hard work. Marriage is something that is forever and many people think divorce is the only answer....well it's not. If you're not willing to try with him... then you must not love him that much. But if you really do want to break up with him just talk to him and let him know that you don't think it's going to work. Try not to be too mean about it, and you should be fine.
Good Luck to you!
2007-02-07 15:15:09 · answer #2 · answered by SexyStudMuffin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Breaking up from a committed relationship is a lot like an emotional divorce. The dumper is always the "bad guy" so to speak. If he doesn't feel compelled to even try at the relationship and you're not even in the "honeymoon" period yet, I'd say your decision to break it off is the right one. Listen to your instincts. You will have to sit him down and explain your feelings to him. Be sure to make arrangements to move your things out of his house and into storage of some kind before your leave to help your sister. Also, be sure to separate your finances immediately. Hopefully, you don't own the house together so your leaving doesn't create some financial complications. Be prepared to move out very soon after telling him. Sticking around would be very uncomfortable for both of you. By the way, he sounds as though he may be addicted to the internet and is using it as an escape. You may be doing both of you a favor by breaking this off. It doesn't sound like he's very happy either.
2007-02-07 15:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are very mature to realize this now and actually want to do something about it. so many people get in this situation and push ahead, stupidly thinking that it will change once married. and there is no way you will look like the bad guy. explain that it was his attitude that did this, and you can't live like it anymore. it's his fault. personally i would do it before i leave, that way you have 6 months to find somewhere to live. just let him know that you wish it could have worked out but it's better to end now than with a lot more heartbreak and anger later on, because you know he isn't going to change and that is his right but if you don't like the person he is then you can't marry him. good luck.
2007-02-07 15:42:07 · answer #4 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know why he doesn't think there is a problem with the relationship? Because you're not hitting home the problem. Pack your things, and prepare to go to Queensland. When he stands there with that dumbfounded look on his face asking "Why??" Don't say a word.
Good luck in Queensland.
2007-02-07 15:23:42 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it looks like you spend a lot of time on the computer too....cheez that is a long question! there is no easy way and if you want out make it before you say "I do" becuase things tend to get messier at that point. . Don't worry about hurt feelings. Good luck
2007-02-07 15:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Sir 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
End the relationship and move to SUNNY QLD!!
A new place, new people, new surroundings and nothing to remind you of him.
Is this the type of relationship that you want for the rest of your life. If he cannot see that he has problems then he will never change
2007-02-07 15:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him right out and be honest and open about your feelings and it sounds like hes not going to change and you don't want to spend money on a wedding and then get a divorce because of these habits that are already showing up...your doing the right thing just be calm and just tell him everything you just said and take it from there..good luck
2007-02-07 15:19:13 · answer #8 · answered by funluvcaring 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, being the "bad guy" or not is totally irrelevant in this situation. If you don't break up with him, you'll just get closer and closer to the marriage and it MIGHT EVEN HAPPEN!! If it does, breaking up with him will be IMMENSELY more complicated and expensive.
Don't worry about your image, just break it off. It's not like you'd be the first or only person to ever do this.
2007-02-07 15:14:58 · answer #9 · answered by lupin_1375 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Say he's a advantageous guy... yet ur extra soft being only pals. U should never flow out w/ somebody simply by fact u sense undesirable. which could b worse than asserting no. Make it short and c what occurs from there. solid success. additionally DONT MAKE UP issues, they are going to discover out and that they are going to sense undesirable
2016-09-28 14:12:06 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋