Still living with my possessive ex, my mum resents break-up, i've met someone else, what should I do?

Question

I'm in my mid-20s. I recently broke up with g/f Lisa of 5 years. She became too possessive, which led to serious/constant arguments & stress/anxiety. Twice I'd suggested a break but Lisa assured things would be OK! 2 months ago I met another woman (Amy) through a close friend..3 weeks ago I broke up with Lisa to begin seeing Amy. The prob, I'm still living with Lisa in a house we bought 6 months ago, the mortgage is in both names - if either of us left we'd be homeless. Lisa begged me to get back with her, saying she loves me & will change. She got sympathy from MY mum after private talk with her. Mum resents me & said im selfish/cruel. She thinks things were OK until i met Amy so wanted me to stop seeing Amy, get back with Lisa, work through probs & try again. i felt guilty for seeing Amy so soon, so i told Amy I'd to take mums advice. we both cried & i had to leave Amy devestated. Amy wants the chance to be a great g/f. I like Amy. But im scared of losing house & moms support. Help?

Answer 1

okay---one thing at a time here. First I think you should put Amy on hold and tell mummy you are a big boy now and would like her to not interfere unless you ask her for help. Lisa is the first issue. You need to figure out if you want Lisa to be a part of your life or not. Then you need to sit down with Lisa and make a plan to either work things out or divide things out. Since you and Lisa own a home together, things can be complicated and time consuming if you decide to split. However, you cared enough for Lisa to take a major financial risk with her. You need to examine what changed. I think couples counseling (you and Lisa) is a good start. An impartial third party (not mummy) can help evaluate what you really want in life, and if Lisa will be a part of it or not. Only then do I think you should think about Amy. When things get tough, it is always easier to run away from it that deal with it. However, running does not solve the problem in the long run, and unless you deal with your situation with Lisa first, you will never be in a position to have another relationship without baggage. That is my opinion. You need to do what is best for you, not what others want you to do.

Answer 2

Your still sleeping with Lisa arnt you which is wrong because you are leading her on and you are lying to amy if you tell her you are not sleeping with lisa so that relationship is stuffed from the beggining grow up and be responsible for your actions you bought a house and took a risk but so did lisa she probably didnt expect you to do this.

Answer 3

get rid of ur ex..so what ull lose ur house buy another one ur mother should support u not her...maybe when u part company with lisa she will realise this...if not well she aint a very good mother
life is to short to live it for someone else

Answer 4

you have to get rid of the house. you are making excuses for staying all the time. if you get rid of the house your true feelings will guide you in the right direction.TAKE THE PLUNGE AND DO IT. you can always get another house with lisa if you decide to stay with her.

Answer 5

Well then sounds like you will have to choose between your wife and house or the new girlfriend. Your mum maybe right because it sounds like you want your cake and eat it.

Answer 6

sod em all and do what you want hon, its your life. You don't need your mummy to approve- you have to get independant. Get it together and move into my own little place is what I would do - as far away from them all as possible. If this new relationship is worth it, she will understand!

Answer 7

have your ex move in with your mom and go from there. Bro don't worry about other people worry about yourself.

Answer 8

GET RID OF EX BOYFRIEND NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW